Coming Out Letter
Dear Mom and Dad,
There is something I want to tell you. Something that you probably do not
want to hear. Something that I have put off for a long time. It’s very personal,
something I have had to deal with alone for a long time now. It’s something you
probably already assume or suspect. It’s my sexuality; you see, I’m gay. Please do
not confuse this with “I might be gay” or “I think I’m gay” or “What if I’m gay” --
because thank God I’m well past that stage of dealing with this -- I definitely am
gay.
Now before you start assuming things, or getting upset, please hear me out.
First of all, I need you to know that this is not a “decision” I have made, nor is it
something I am doing for “attention,” and it is certainly not something I would have
deliberately chosen for myself. There was nothing in my childhood that “caused”
this. No one over ever raped me, I was never sexually abused, teased, tormented,
or forced into doing anything that could have “triggered” this. You have to believe
me when I say I was born this way. After fighting it for the past six or seven years,
I’ve accepted this to be the way I am, and in all honesty, it’s not really bad. With
over 25 million gay people in this country I know I’m not alone. I don’t feel this is
something that makes me abnormal, defected, or unworthy of a normal life.
I won’t ask you to understand or “agree with” my sexuality. However you do
need to know that it is not a problem for me anymore. I have gay friends who are my
support group, and while it may not be the mainstream, I know it will not stop me for
having a happy and productive life. We all have our challenges. All of my friends
have accepted me for who I am, not for who I choose to love. I can only hope you
will feel the same.
If you are wondering, “Why are you this way?” the answer is I don’t know.
Obviously I wouldn’t choose to be a member of a generally despised minority. I am
aware that unfortunately being gay means something having to deal with verbal and
maybe even physical abuse as well as discrimination, however I was born who I am,
just like you were born who you are. Despite everything I am very proud to be me --
which is more than a lot of people my age can say. I stress to you that I am not
unhappy. Furthermore, this is not something that can be “reversed,” so the thought
of having me “converted” through therapy or otherwise is not only ridiculous, but
very uneducated.
Mom and Dad -- I would never do anything to consciously hurt, embarrass,
or humiliate you. If my being gay causes you problems, I am truly sorry. But I
cannot, and will not live a lie any longer. I’m not saying I will start running down the
street shouting “I’m gay,” but likewise I will no longer deny it, or lie about it to save
you and anyone else from shame or discomfort. That wouldn’t be fair to me, and at
this point in my life I have to come first. If it does cause you any grief, or you feel
you will have a hard time dealing with this, then I suggest you get in touch with a
group called “PFLAG” which stands for Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays. I’m
sure they could be of help to you.
As for me? Again, no need to worry. Like I said before, I am happy. Happier
than I have been in a long time. Coming to terms with who I am has been like a
weight being lifted from my shoulders. I don’t worry about “what if someone finds
out” anymore. I am finally free.
To close, if I could only ask you one thing of you, it would be for you to please find
comfort in the fact that I am finally at peace with myself. You obviously are a big part
of my life, and I don’t want this to be something that will cause a distance between
us. That would be very sad, and not at all necessary. But I guess that will have to be
up to you. If and when you want to talk about it, I’ll be here.
Thank you for listening.