Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.

So you feel comfortable with this article, you probably will want to know where I am coming from. I am a transsexual women (Male to Female). First and foremost I am a Christian. And though I have felt the church (for the most part) has abandoned me, I have never felt so close to God through this trial. Yes – being transsexual is a trial in my life. Perhaps the most difficult trial I have ever faced! But though most have forsaken me, as they did to Job also, God is my strength and comfort - I hide in the shelter of His covering.

If asked what I am, I would prefer to be called a Christian rather a trans person. The term Christian because in the Kingdom of God (for eternity) there is neither male or female terms (Gal 3:28). There is no gender in heaven (Matthew 22:30). When I go be with the Lord, it will be the person on the inside leaving this body (Peter and Paul call the Tent) behind. I feel comfortable with myself being the whole (elements of my male and female personalities). I am not whole without one or the other. And though some may consider my feminine side as 'sin' I consider it the greater part of me!

I know there are many guilt feelings that go along with transition. Especially the dead and wounded persons we have directly impacted. For me this has been the most difficult aspect of dealing with my Christian beliefs. The bible teaches us to be Others Centered and to look after the interest of others. I cannot tell you what is right for you. If you are a born-again Christian you need to approach the throne of grace and let God lead and guide you. Let the God be your judge and not other men.

I challenge most Christians in the church today that their opposition to transsexual individuals is not based on the bible but social beliefs and norms. And since when were Christians ever to take our beliefs from society? Who knows the 'real' person behind each face anyway? Only God does.

This article is for born-again Christians, if you are not born-again, you will not understand these issues. Hopefully as I write this you have already done some soul searching, as I have, on this issue. It is tough to be a transsexual person. It is tougher to be a ‘Christian Transsexual Person’. The guilt and soul searching we have done would fill volumes of books. I have been crossdressing, off and on, since I can remember. I have been a Christian since 1976 (Not Ashamed to say born-again). At that time I had the wonderful experience of accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I call him Lord because I have surrendered all to follow Him. To follow Him, we must be willing to surrender all! I have started a church, was a pastor, and created a conservative Christian web site.

Maybe you can relate?

Q: Why dress and appear as a women, after all you are really a man?

A: Yes I am a male physically and perhaps even somewhat emotionally. However, I do have a feminine set of qualities and emotions that cannot be denied. Appearing as Jan brings to surface the inner person. This inner women has always there but never allowed to ‘come out’. Even when not appearing female, I still feel the feminine presence in a strong way. For me living with 'myself' is the freedom express (act) the way I am on the inside (female). The freedom to be me. When I have the ability to dress and live as a women, I feel like I have the abilty to express feelings, thoughts, and actions often suppressed while being male. When you get down to it, none of us really should be judged or put in a category simply because of our outward appearance - God looks at the heart!

Q: All the fuss about the outward form of crossdressing, aren’t you really just walking in the flesh?

A: The flesh is manifest as adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, etc. Those who practice these things do not inherit the kingdom of God (Gal 5:16-21). I struggle with these things from time to time as we all do. The apostle Paul struggled with these things (Gal 5:17 and Romans 7 Entire Chapter). All of these issues are matters of the heart! ‘ For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’ (1 Sam 16:7). I believe crossdressing is a manifestation of the inward person of the heart. With no clothes on (nude), I’m still 'me'. My heart is the real issue and I know I do want to follow God and walk in the Spirit. We have this promise, walk in the Spirit, and you will not fulfill the lust of your flesh (Gal 5:16). We can come to the same freedom in Christ that Paul found in Romans Chapters 7 and 8.

Q: What do you do about the bible verse - Deuteronomy 22: 5 "A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman's garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the LORD your God."

A: Generally I follow conservative biblical exegesis methods. I look at the verse in context of the preceding verses and the rest of the chapter. Then I look at the verse in context of the book. Finally I look at the verse in context with other bible verses (Old and New Testaments). In light of this here goes:

1. Context of surrounding verses. It does not seem to match other verses (4 which pertains to your brothers donkey or ox and verse 6 which talks about birds eggs on the ground). This does not mean the verse is not valid, but does seem to point to the fact that these are ‘one liners’ for points of living under the Jewish law. This book gives commandments for Israel to live by ‘in the land’. We are Gentiles living under a new commandment (Acts 15 Gentiles are not under the law). If you want to live according to the law then you are obligated to keep the entire law! (Acts 21:25 Galatians 5).
   
2. The term abomination is rather strong. My favorite verse to see things that displease the Lord is in Proverbs 6:16-19 "16 These six things the LORD hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren.
   
3. This is the only verse in the bible that comes close to dealing with crossdressing. It is hard for me to grasp on to a biblical requirement if it is only found in one verse. Footwashing is another example of this. Jesus washed the disciples feet, foot washing is mentioned in Acts, yet we do not practice foot washing in the church because it is not in the main core of new testament documents.
   
4. I do not care for the argument that we are under ‘grace’. Though very true, "grace’ has been used as an excuse to really live ungodly lives. Romans 6:1-2 "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" The guide to live life is the Bible. And if the guide is silent on an issue such as crossdressing then we as TS Christians should feel at ease with that silence.
   
5. In verse Deuteronomy 22:11 the verse says ‘You shall not wear a garment of different sorts, such as wool and linen mixed together. The NIV commentary stays ‘The Israelites were to be different…..’. It is interesting that if we took this verse literally today ‘all of us would be in violation of this verse’. It is also interesting that commentators apply this verse for the Israelites only and not to us today. Could it be that Deuteronomy was rules and regulations for the Children of Israel? Let your conscience be the your judge.
   
6. The verse says 'a man shall not put on a woman's'. If I were a man then yes.... maybe that would be cross-dressing? When I wear men's clothes I am actually cross-dressing... Think about that one. Besides, I tend to wear clothing for men and women - most people do.
   

Q: Doesn’t Crossdressing and being Transsexual lead to other lifestyles that are not biblical according to conservative Christians?

A: It really depends on the individual (sexual preference etc.) and the places one visits. I know many TS’s are limited to certain clubs because they feel safe (I was in the beginning). But freedom comes when one can go anywhere (not just certain clubs)!!

The bible does have plenty to say about ‘sexually immoral’ people. The bible says sexually immoral people do not inherit the Kingdom of God! Transgenderism and transsexality is not about human sexuality but about ones gender identity! I know many TS’s who live simple quiet conservative lifestyles. But it takes courage to live outside the ‘safe’ boundaries that certain communities provide. I tend to live in the mainstream.

Q: Getting sexually aroused when you appear female – isn’t that like lusting after another women? Matthew 5: 28 "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

A: This is another false assumption. Not every transexual get's turned on by clothing. After-all hormones have reduced my sexual drive to 'nada'. Some Crossdressers do 'get off' on wearing women's clothing. This is a big difference between crossdressers and transsexuals. If one 'gets off' only because of dressing and appearing female, they need to find out who they really are!

Q: If the transsexual life style is so fulfilling why do so many commit suicide or end up broke and destitute.

A: I know personally success and failure stories. The one’s who fail usually end up on the street as ‘working girls’ or try to live somewhere between male and female. Many cannot get good paying jobs as females. I would not term the TS life as being fulfilling. Rather it is a ‘state of existance’ rather than a choice. I mean, once one knows the real cost of being TS, they would be out of their mind to choose it! I think the key for all TS’s is balance. Find out what is right for you and don’t push the envelope too far. God has a plan for each of our lives, find out what that plan is and stay on that course. God will never ask you to do something harmful to yourself or others.

Q: God does not make mistakes? You were born male!.

A: How many times have you heard that one? I also believe, without a doubt, that our loving Father does not make mistakes. However, we live in a 'fallen world' full of sin and death. As a result nature has been distorted. God gets the bum wrap for our fallen world beginning with Adam. We know God does not make mistakes! These are a few links to unfortunate persons born in a non-perfect world: Birth Defects and Hermaphroditism. Would you dare say to these people 'God does not make a mistake?'. Just because one's affliction may be a mental disorder or mental disability (i.e. Alzheimer's, Panic Attacks, Schizophrenia, Depressive Disorders, Attention-Deficit Disorder, Gender Idenity Disorder, and others) does not make it any less real AND PAINFUL than physical problems. Ask any true Transsexual if they would choose to go through the pain and hardship associated with the condition, and most will say 'hell no!'. Ask any true TS if they would go through it again to be themselves and the reply is 'yes!'.

God Bless You and your journey with Him,

Luv - Jan Lynn