Being Transsexual (Having Gender Dysphoria) is like being a leper. No one wants to be around you, except others of the same community. People treat you like a freak something to be stared at and studied. A person to be displayed on a talk show. Parents hide their kids from you, pastors tell their following to shun you, co-workers laugh and talk behind your back, parents forsake you and family members disown you. Though you have not committed any gross sin other than facing yourself for who you are as a human being, people can't accept the pure unadulterated truth of who you are! It violates their perfect world of black and white, right and wrong, male and female. We were taught honesty, without hypocrisy, is the highest virtue to attain. Yet we face this reality of life everyday in our society. That we are to conform to societies norms no matter how we feel inside. We are forced to be someone else besides ourselves and deny the truth of our existence. One day we wake up and say, what have I done with my life? Why am I living a lie? That is when you begin to 'come out' and discover the beauty that lies within.
Some have said, "you have a choice". And what are we choosing? To face discrimination in the work place, give up a 'normal' family life style, face rejection of our family, friends, and co-workers. Turn to a life of alcoholism and drugs. Face depression every day and wonder "why is this happening to me?" To live a life of waiting… waiting for our life to really begin. To live lonely isolated lives without hope of developing a permanent long lasting relationship with a mate. To have thoughts of suicide to put an end to the struggle within us. It is no wonder that fifty percent of transsexuals die by age 30, usually by their own hand. This sounds like a great choice to me - what sane person would choose it? For us, there is no choice but to be ourselves. No person chooses to be Transgendered. Rather it is a curse you have to live with and make the best of. It is a handicap to resolve and try to heal. I am not able to call it a blessing yet, maybe someday I hope. I know there are people in our society who are caring and understanding individuals. Maybe the biggest battle is in our mind rather than the everyday world we live in. I don't know for sure. But one thing I do know - that I really have no choice!
Our strength comes from the confidence we are doing the right thing in the face of adversity.
~ Judy ~
September 14, 1999
The Day I Decided to Go For It!!