Much has been written on the subject of passing so much so that it seems redundant to write another article about the subject. Transsexuals and most cross-dressers are concerned and often obsessed with the subject. I know I have given much thought to it! For Obvious reasons, 'drag queens' don't care.

WHY?? - So I begin with a question - why is 'passing' so important to us. I suppose all of us cherish the acceptance of others especially friends and family. We want to 'fit in' to our surroundings and society. When we don't pass red flags goes up, alarms goes off, something is not right, Oh I got caught or something. Many of us feel out of sorts and uncomfortable when we are 'made'. No doubt, we do care what others think and perceive of us. I would question the sincerity of those who say they don't care or who don't get hurt when someone makes a negative comment. On the other hand it feels nice to walk in a busy place, do business, and carry on normal activities as a women. To me the greatest compliment is the quiet of not being noticed.

ALL THE TIME 100% - Is it important to pass all the time. No! Sometimes it's fun not to pass depending on the situation. I have visited clubs where it would be boring to 'pass'. Still, for me, it is very important to pass 100% of the time for 'normal' everyday activities.

HAVE’S AND HAVE NOTS – Lately I have been noticing a strange kind of prejudice within our own community. Those who ‘pass’ often don’t like to associate with those who ‘pass less’. I think that happens for several reasons. Often they feel if they are seen with a less-passable TG they will be ‘read’ as well. Often little cliches form of ‘beautiful’ TG’s. Unfortunately we often forget it’s not the outside that is important but the person of the inward heart. Most beautiful TG’s I know are beautiful because of what makes them as a person – not what they look like on the outside. And that is one of the problems of the subject of passing. It places to great an emphasis on the development of the outward person!

ACCEPT YOURSELF - I know some TG’s who pass very little. I know one particular TS who gets 'looks' and stares everywhere she goes. She calls herself the Amazon Women. But she is comfortable with who she is! For me, she is the greatest example of courage and determination. And perhaps there is a lesson for all of us to learn. It's not so important to pass but be happy with who you are as a person. Accept yourself and don't worry so much about the acceptance of others! On the flip side I know some stone cold beautiful Crossdressers and TS's that, to me, pass perfectly. But even they wonder and worry about passing. One caveat to watch out for is the feeling of being clocked or wondering who knows. This feeling may last for years and is part of the price of being TS. Lately as I walk through public places I watch the faces of the people as they walk by. Most seem to walk by. Still others give me a look that makes me wonder. Sometimes guys look at me and I wonder if it's the male thing or have I been read. I will never know what they thought, and hopefully will care less as time goes by. To walk around feeling like you are under a magnifying glass is a miserable experience.

GOING THROUGH CHANGES - As we go through changes to our present male bodies, we may find we get 'read' or stares anyway. I mean to have plucked eye-brows and other feminine features suddenly appear does cause others to check you out. Recently, I went to a busy mall with some TG friends. I was the only one who appeared female. My TG friends were in male drab and face. But as we walked through the mall they drew attention and notice of people. Perhaps is was the developed breast' on a 'guy' or the long polished nails on another. So this fact remains, as you transition you and appear somewhat in the middle (male/female), you will get more looks and stares. The balance for me is to blend in. I remember the feeling standing in the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas thinking 'No One Notices Me!'. Here I am enjoying my vacation as a women. I can't express the happiness I felt at that time.

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! Attitude is important for passing. I have heard this from the newsgroups and web site I have visited. I strongly agree with that general observation. My attitude when I go out is to be all the women I can be, be myself, blend in, and keep on smiling. Frankly, I don't expect to pass all the time. I try not to care. Notice I said "TRY"! I don't look around to see who's looking at me (once in a while I do sneak a look). I try to focus on what I am doing and not think about how I look to others. I try not to be self-absorbed and self-conscience. When I get clocked or stares I give em' a polite smile. I figure they don't know for sure so keep em' guessing!

WORKING ON PASSING - What makes one 'pass' or 'not pass'. Sounds like a football game or something. I think feminization of the body is very important. Electrolysis of facial hair is a must unless you have a thin beard. Removal of body hair and shaping of the eye brows. A smile helps too! Ever notice how women can express 1000 words with a single gentle smile. In fact, since I cannot talk like a women yet, I simply smile many time to acknowledge an answer from a sales person. The single most important factor, in my option, is the hair (wig). The wrong wig can make you too tall or make you look like a man wearing a wig. The hair helps shape your face and adds to the proportion of your overall look. I try to get wigs where people say - is that your real hair? My wigs don't look stunning or sexy. But they look like me! If I am going to a club and don't care about passing - I will wear one of those sexy over-sized wigs. Wearing the right clothes for the right occasion is also very important. I would not wear a short party dress to go shopping Saturday afternoon. Instead, I wear what the other girls are wearing - jeans and a sweater top. Size is another important factor. Generally men have no hips and generally stand taller. I am 5-10' taller than the average women. Still I have seen a few my size so it's not out of the question to see women my height. But most women I see my size weight about 130-140 Lbs. So while I cannot change my height I can reduce my weight and wear clothes to show the right proportions. I try not to wear shoes that add significantly to my height. The only time I wear heels is out for a night on the town. Otherwise, I wear flats, sandals, or women's running shoes. Hormones do effect the way a person looks. There is an indescribable essence of a person on hormones - a special softness. I have seen the effects on several friends and hope to experience this soon myself.

Female etiquette and mannerisms are also essential. Again, I have seen some beautiful TG persons at clubs who carried on like male truck drivers. For me this comes easy because I am so intense on letting these mannerisms show through from the inside. The way one walks, stands, eats, runs, etc are all factors to passing. And like voice training, these attributes may take years to surface. Again - just be real and who you are!

Finally the voice is usually the last dead give-away! I have had people try to draw me into conservation’s to confirm their suspicions. Usually I just smile and avoid the challenge. As you know, this is one difficult thing to overcome! I mean to speak like a women does not come overnight. But again, years of practice can make a difference.

KNOW YOURSELF - The important thing to remember is to accept your limitations/strengths and set realistic expectations. Also, just like beauty - passing is in the eye of the beholder. What works for one person may not work for another. As Andrea James said ‘Being TS is never, ever easy. And it's never, ever over. You are going to need self-acceptance to live with the difficulties of being TS. If you can achieve that, you're well on your way.’

~ Judy