As you can tell, this is a pretty brief account of Esprit 2002. I was there for nearly 5 days and had plenty of fun...there were parties, dances, old friends to see, new friends to make, and although it was exhilarating and invigorating as always, a restful vacation it was not. As I've heard it said elsewhere, "sleep is optional" at these affairs.

I really only have one significant story to tell, but more on that in a moment.

Some of you may have noticed the gap of a few years between Esprit 1999 and Esprit 2002. I did attend the years in between. I continued taking classes and gradually moved from the basic skills classes to some of the more thoughtful classes pertaining to self image and those relating to simply having some fun. I didn't feel any need to write about my experiences here because it seemed like they were simply more of the same and that there wasn't really a whole lot to report. That's not to say that nothing happened...something significant happened every year, and I had a blast, and I made sure that I took a brave step each year to make sure that Esprit wouldn't become routine. The first year I simply attended and that was a big step by itself, the next year I took some of the modeling classes and participated in the fashion show (yikes!), last year I worked at the registration desk and had the pleasure of meeting tons of people and gently ushering in some of the new girls, and this year I was a Big Sister and in an official capacity of taking care of 2 first time Little Sisters.

The big sister thing took on two very different meanings. In the official capacity, I was assigned 2 little sisters and I helped them through the various details of Esprit, explained some of the confusing parts of the schedule, showed them where to find some of the meeting rooms, and gave them a feel for how things worked. It was very heartwarming to be up with them on stage during graduation to give them their pins. One of the girls was so nervous about being up there that she almost didn't participate in graduation. I gently urged her to not miss this opportunity and I'm sure she was very glad later that she agreed to participate. She didn't want to say anything into the microphone and I told her she didn't have to, or that she could just say "thank you". But when she received her pin, she said "I guess all I want to say is thank you" and then she shared all sorts of wonderful experiences for several sentences. So much for not saying much! I thought that was cute and it just reinforces my belief that amazing things happen when you have the courage to try.

However, it was the unofficial big sister activity that really touched me deeply this year.

A delightful woman named Domonique was there again to teach the makeup and modeling classes and as she did last year, she brought her daughter. That alone is a wonderful thing to see...we see a fair number of straight adults at Esprit, but kids are extremely rare. As far as I'm concerned, they truly light up everyone's hearts by simply being there. It's magical to see kids share time and space with us, have a good time, and not care in the least about all of the gender oddities. In fact, last year, one of the hotel managers brought her daughter to the carnival-themed party. She played the various carnival games, soaked up all the chaos and noise, socialized with all the ladies, and ended up taking home one of the biggest door prizes. We learned the next day that when she got home that night, she told her mom that she had the best time and most fun that she'd ever had. Maybe by touching the kids one heart at a time we can make the world a nicer place for everyone.

I hadn't planned on it, but I ended up spending a lot of time with Domonique's daughter. This little girl is 9, energetic, loves all of her aunties at Esprit, and she just couldn't spend enough time with me. It started out as a little babysitting activity while her mom attended to some Esprit business and it took on a life of its own. For the better part of a couple days we went to the aquarium (actually we *tried* to go the aquarium 3 times but it was always closed every day), we strolled out along the long pier to enjoy the view from the observation tower, we played with her pet rat and took him on walks, and we meandered up and down the beach collecting shells. She shared some little details about her life with me and I gave her motherly advice that I hope captured her attention in a slightly different way than if her mom were to have said the same things. The time with her was absolutely wonderful.

I guess what I loved the most about the time I spent with her was it was all so real. We weren't in the secure confines of the hotel. I wasn't safely huddled with a gaggle of tall and unusually well dressed women. It wasn't some contrived party with attendants paid to give us a good time.

Watching her wasn't work at all...she was probably the best thing that happened this year at Esprit. And although any woman in a skirt would normally set off all sorts of alarms with the local folks trying to spot the t-girls, having a little girl in tow made me virtually invisible. The two of us could go anywhere and do anything; we even fed a raccoon with a couple other tourists and none of the usual scrutiny was there. I have to admit, that was a wonderful little side benefit. I also admire her for being impervious to the usual worries about being judged...in many ways her innocence gives her access to the inner strength that we adults have often lost track of. And the power she had to completely derail the usual expectations of the adults who think they've clocked someone was really revealed to me while we were on the dock feeding the seagulls. A man approached us from behind and I kept an eye on him out of the corner of my eye. He thought he had clocked me and he said "hey sir" in a very tentative way. I didn't react at all and instead leaned over and snuggled with her and admired her shells; that totally deflated him and he wandered away. For the rest of the time we spent together, she brought out a new sense of confidence that I could draw upon during those days. The experience is mine now and my inner strength, which was there all along but overcast by a lifetime of criticisms and judgment, is seeing daylight again.

Oh, I did attract a moth though...one night a couple young guys were hanging around the hotel ballroom watching the ladies during one of our dances and we kept an eye on them while we were outside cooling off. Later that night I was partying with some friends in a room and someone leaned in from the patio and said that there was a guy in the bushes asking to meet me. Ugh. One of the guys had ditched his buddy and actually stuck around to find me! I guess he was smitten with me or something and I really didn't think he was looking for me, but when the ladies on the patio said he was looking for a girl with long black hair and a red skirt...well, that was me. So I stepped outside and had a few polite words of idle chatter with him. He was pretty nervous and really didn't comprehend what Esprit was about. He must have known I wasn't a genetic female...I don't pass that well. If he didn't know, I'm sure he's figured it out by now and maybe he's doing some heavy thinking.

Saying goodbye at the end of Esprit was very difficult this year. I gave Domonique's daughter especially big hugs and almost started crying.

But, as superficial and silly as Esprit can be at times, there's always something interesting and thought provoking that happens. This year was no exception. And it came in a sweet little 9 year old package.