This isn't meant to be an exhaustive palette of advice to instantly answer all your questions, but I feel I do have a few tidbits of personal experience to offer. The information I discuss below is slanted towards my interests and style, and given the huge range of personal preferences, what I have to say may be completely irrelevant to you. If so, the links page has sites which offer lots of additional advice and I'll point you to the wonderful work of others.

For some reason I've come across many new girls in the Seattle area and they always ask how to come out for their first time. As much as I enjoy the thrill of helping a sister out in real time, rather than type my advice over and over again I prefer to get all my information down in one place so I don't leave anything out. If you're still in the closet and haven't ventured into public yet, this information is for you.

For true neophytes, the best place to gradually come out at your own pace is Ingersoll Gender Center. Ingersoll is a support and referral center for all TG people, regardless of where they've come from or where they're headed and where along that path they may be. They hold meetings most days of the week and you can check out their schedule of activities on their web site. At any of the meetings, how you dress and present yourself is entirely up to you (in fact, there's a friendly sign on the wall reminding everyone of this little rule). I went for many weeks in drab before I finally went en femme...in hindsight, that was a good thing to do because I was secure for those first few visits without the worry of being en femme, and when I did go the customary round of applause celebrating the first en femme outing was all that much better because everyone else also had a chance to see the transformation.

Ingersoll is located on 18th and Madison at the top of Capitol Hill right across the street from several huge radio towers. It is in one of two similar small brick buildings (the other one is an apartment) and has a few parking spaces available, but there's always street parking in the residential area in which it's located. I've never had a problem walking from the car to Ingersoll...I'm sure the neighbors are accustomed to it by now. The building is shared with a few other professional offices, some of which provide services that complement Ingersoll's (medical services, electrolysis, etc.) There are large restrooms and if you want to tidy up or get dressed before you go in, you'll have to head down the hallway towards the meeting room and grab one of the keys hanging on the wall.

For newcomers, I recommend the Thursday evening meeting...it's a small, casual drop-in meeting where you can just go and ask a few questions and get a few answers. Friday meetings are the Ingersoll flagship meetings...they've been held for over 1200 consecutive weeks (holidays included!) The Friday meetings are a bit larger, more emotional, and can get into some pretty deep personal subjects if that's where the discussion heads. I found the Friday meetings invaluable during my process. Saturday meetings get more casual again, and the focus is often on matters of presentation. There is a modest donation of $5 to $10 requested of each visitor but this is waived for newcomers. After the meetings, people usually break into little groups to go have dinner, drinks, or go dancing. This is a great chance to really get to know people, ask lots more questions, and have some fun.

If you're looking for something more social rather than seriously supportive, I'd recommend Emerald City. Emerald City is a social and support group that's more private and accepts members by invitation only. They hold monthly meetings at a local restaurant, elect officers, collect dues, and they host a variety of official and unofficial parties and informal get-togethers. I remember that they also have a small directory of local stores and services which are T-friendly. To get sponsored, you have to get to know an Emerald City member. A good place to start is to call or visit Ingersoll because many Emerald City members visit Ingersoll too, especially at the large Friday meetings.

At both Ingersoll and Emerald City, you'll find nothing but the friendliest people. Try not to let embarrassment stop you from going...after all, they've been through exactly what you're going through too. Smile, ask, and you'll be amazed at what happens in a very short time if you're not afraid. And with all these experienced people at your disposal, you'll be out and about in Seattle in no time, doing what you want to do at a level that you're comfortable with. If you live in Vancouver, B.C. or Portland, Oregon, you'll find great groups in those cities, and the support and resource database at TG Forum lists similar groups in many other cities as well.

The Sears (Juniors Mainframe Department) has a curiously appropriate campaign that they've been using for a few years...the catch phrase is "Gotta Have the Clothes". This is widely recognized by sociologists as an effective way to leverage our need to belong, but for T's there is, of course, another meaning to the phrase. I've actually gone into the store and asked if someone could give me one of their fixtures with that phrase on it just because it would make for a particularly ironic little collectible but I've been unsuccessful to date. But let me get to the point of this section and talk a little about shopping.

Department stores offer the highest quality in-person shopping experience in my opinion. Initially it can be an unnerving experience, but I've discovered that the unease was more of my own making than anything that really existed. (Of course, different locales may deal with you differently so exercise common sense and due caution.) For a couple years I wasted tons of time waiting in the car for people near a store entrance to disperse, or just building up the courage to venture in. Now I can almost enjoy the experience regardless of how I'm dressed. Nothing much changed during that time except my attitude. It's really true what they say...attitude makes a huge difference. If you hang your head in shame and exude fear, everyone senses it for miles. 4 year olds are particularly sensitive. Once I had strategically placed myself at a store directory sign to wait while a couple and their toddler daughter walked by. As usual, the adults were too immersed in their concerns to notice me but the kid clocked me and as they continued walking she was dragged along while she quizzically stared at me trying to figure me out. Anyways, if you can get over the blindingly bright and unforgiving lights at most department stores, the staff is always professional and friendly. If not, let the manager know and I'm sure things will be fixed promptly. Some of the nice treatment may simply be due to the sales commissions, but I don't let that bother me. There's no way for me to determine whether the smiles are genuine so I don't waste my time worrying about it. If the service is nice, that's enough for me. I'm read instantly if I'm up close and speak, yet I've never had a problem making inquiries about cosmetics or clothing...hold your chin up, flash that disarming smile, exude confidence, spend some money, and things should be fine.

Thrift stores come in a close second as far as shopping experiences. I'm convinced that the staff at thrift stores have seen every possible type of client and from what I understand, none of my friends has ever had a problem. In fact, the shopping experience can turn out to be fun because you can meet some offbeat customers who are willing to help you out and have a good time too. Of course, the prices can't be beat. In the same vein as thrift stores are the discounters such as Ross 'Dress for Less' (can you believe I never heard of the phrase "Cross Dress for Less" until just last year?) where you can find top name brand clothing at substantial discounts.

As far as paying is concerned, cash is quick and more anonymous than checks, and credit cards are OK and can be anonymous if you invent a co-signer with a femme name. But I stumbled upon a particularly good solution recently: gift cards. They work like cash but are even faster because all it takes is a swipe and there's never any change to fumble with.

For shoes, a cheap and easy place to start out is Payless Shoes where you get to try on shoes without anyone hovering over you. They carry inexpensive shoes in a wide range of sizes and the styles are reasonably current. Amazingly, some of their shoes are actually comfortable and durable. Nicer shoes can be found at the Leed's or Baker's stores located in most malls but the more mainstream the store, the more limited the size selection (usually only up to size 10 women's). However, I have noticed a trend in the junior section of larger stores. I suspect that the healthy eating habits of American girls have created a generation of big girls in need of larger shoes and many shoes are now turning up in junior departments in size 11. I even recall seeing an online message board at Steve Madden where some girls were complaining that they couldn't find any prom shoes in their size.

If you're not too thrilled about shopping in person, you can always do it by mail order or the web. You'll have to return things once in a while if they don't fit, but all in all the process works reasonably well and the selection can be quite large. The telephone sales staff is always courteous and polite and has never given me a hard time even though the clothes being ordered don't seem to jive with the person placing the order. Here are some of the places I know of or have bought from and all of these places have websites and catalogs:

• Spiegel and Spiegel's Ultimate Outlet have really stylish, classy clothing and shoes and you can even buy their catalogs at better newsstands. Lew Magram is another very high fashion catalog.
• Maryland Square and Massey's have casual and modest dress shoes in sizes from 6 to 13.
• Newport News, and Chadwick's offer contemporary clothing and shoes at reasonable prices. Chadwick's has a subsidiary called Jessica London which offers a sister product line in women's sizes and the Avenue line of retail stores has a mail order catalog too. Even Sears isn't completely out of the catalog game. They're attached to a line of clothing and shoes that they sell under the Smart Choice label that's also sold under the Lerner mail order label. You can request a catalog at the Sears web site.
• For a more European flair, try La Redoute.
• Frederick's of Hollywood has some of the more wild stuff. I don't shop there, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it. For additional steamy stuff, there's Victoria's Secret, Carabella, and Flirt.
• If you want a huge collection of catalogs, there's a company that publishes a "catalog of catalogs" at 561-997-1221 or 561-998-9722 (I haven't called the numbers so I can't vouch for them). Anyways, if you get these people to send you their catalog, you'll be able to order the particular catalogs from the various companies that you want. Trust me, they cover everything (wigs, 100% cotton sleepwear (yawn...), fashion legwear, jewelry, adult videos, fetish shoes, lingerie, latex, large and small sizes, etc.). If you're into English lace doilies and Civil War collectibles, those catalogs are in there as well.

Shopping carries with it some implications about travel safety, and I recently picked up some advice from a CD who also happens to have been a police officer and currently trains local police officers about how to deal with TG people they might encounter. The thing she emphasized was that the last thing the officer typically wants to do is to have to haul you into the precinct office and process you because they'll get never-ending grief and jokes about it from the other officers. Knowing that, all you really need to do is remain calm, be polite and cooperative, and more often than not they'll let you off unless you did something fairly serious. If you are stopped while driving, do what all drivers are supposed to do; just keep your hands on the wheel until the officer gets there, follow instructions, and don't start unnecessary arguments. Let the officer know what you are reaching for and where you will be reaching because they are constantly worrying about whether you will be one of the cars in which a gun is hidden. Although dressing as you wish is not illegal in most places, be aware of the laws in your area though and if you are in the midst of transitioning, follow the advice of your peers who have been through the process and make sure your identification and supporting paperwork are in order. By the way, I have been pulled over in Bellevue and in Seattle, once for having expired tabs (actually they weren't expired, they were just installed on the front plate rather than the back plate) and once for driving faster than 50 MPH on the Evergreen Point Bridge (who in the world drives at the posted limit of 50?) In both cases I was treated cordially, given a warning, and allowed to go on my way.

I'm not quite sure why I'm giving style advice, because I'm still not very confident about exactly what my own style really is. And I'm so uncertain about color matching that I stick with very safe combinations. All I know is that my style has changed rapidly over the last couple years. Like I tell my friends, I've gone through a highly accelerated 2nd childhood and adolescence and yes, it has been very hard to pin me down during that time. But, that whole path and my thoughts on the existential aspects of femininity are all covered on the Halloween page and I'm not going to get into it here.

I do have some ideas on style as it pertains to being in public though. A necessary (but not necessarily sufficient) condition for not getting read is to not be very noticeable, which means not standing out and attracting attention. Of course, that runs contrary to the dressing habits of many T's...especially those for whom the experience is fleetingly brief and rare and the need to make it as productive and emotionally satisfying as possible often leads to overdoing it. Unless you're going to be in a red-light district or you're built like a size 6 secretary, my advice is to avoid the high heels, the short skirts, the big hair, and the outlandish makeup and simply wear what 75% of everyday women wear. This may mean jeans, t-shirts, or long skirts...but that's the way it goes. In addition to lessening my profile, I would add that more practical clothes gives me a much greater sense of confidence and security which, all things considered, makes the time more fulfilling in the end for me.

Makeup is an art, and like any artistic medium, there are countless ways to do things in ways which don't work or are simply inappropriate for your particular situation. The only advice I have is to learn everything you can and to practice, practice, practice.

Many good makeup books are available and you might want to simply hit a new or used bookstore and pick up any of the following titles:

• Professional makeup artist Kevyn Aucoin has 3 coffee-table makeup books ("Face Forward", "Making Faces", and "The Art of Makeup") with dramatic makeovers of ordinary people and celebrities. They're filled with great advice, techniques, and you'll even see some male-to-female makeovers that are absolutely incredible.
• Paula Begoun's "Don't Go To The Cosmetics Counter Without Me" is an immense compendium of her ratings of every available brand and type of makeup on the market. Because formulations undergo unannounced changes even within the same product line, the information gets outdated quickly, but it's still great to see what the general trends are within any of the major brands. Unfortunately, the book appears to be out of print. I suspect it was simply too much work to keep reviewing and re-reviewing all the products.
• Mary Quant's "Ultimate Makeup and Beauty Book" and Chic Simple's "Woman's Face: Skin Care and Makeup" are good starter books that cover all the basics. Cindy Crawford's "Basic Face" is fairly light on content, but it's a workbook-style guide to makeup basics (I believe it's out of print though, and you might only find it at the used bookstores).
• Mary Kay also has a basic makeup, beauty, and skin care book that their representatives sell. It's slanted towards their product selection, but the basic advice is still pretty good and it's something I usually see in the used bookstores. I think the Mary Kay sales ladies get a bit pushy and sell a lot of those books and many simply find their way into the donation box after they've served their purpose.

Once you have the book, practice and try to get some critiques from someone knowledgeable. I've found that the clerks at department store cosmetics counters are very helpful. Better yet, if you ask for a complimentary makeover and ask that they describe everything they're doing as they're doing it and why they think it makes a difference on you, you'll learn a ton. (Try to get an early morning appointment...moms haven't hit the stores yet and working people usually don't show up until later in the day.) Also, experienced makeup artists have lots of tricks that don't get mentioned in the books and those can make a huge difference as well. The range of mistakes is huge...too much or too little color, too pale or too heavy a foundation, overdone or underdone eyes...the list goes on and on. There are lots of adjustments that you'll be making as you practice and it simply takes lots of trial and error to get the right combination of all the individual elements.

During your practice phase, you'll be wasting lots of money buying makeup which doesn't work. Feel free to start with dollar store makeup, inexpensive Wet 'n Wild cosmetics, and the huge kits available during the holidays. The makeup is of low quality, but it's good for practicing with. When you know what seems to work and start getting serious about certain colors, then you can go to the drugstore and invest in some better quality products (and yes, price generally does equate to quality). You can even take advantage of the satisfaction guarantee offered by most drugstores which let you return makeup if you don't like it.

Many people find Avon and Mary Kay personal sales a preferred way to get their makeup. It's private, personal, and certainly very convenient. You also gets lots of good advice if your saleslady is skillful. The trick is how to find someone who's willing to take the risk with you; you're not the usual kind of customer, after all. I called various representatives who listed themselves in the phone book and eventually found a woman who was willing to actually come to my house. I ended up not calling on her because I found stores more to my liking, but there will certainly be some representatives who are happy to service you, and if you contact the support groups they may be able to give you leads to very eager representatives who they have worked with in the past.

One thing I've learned is that cameras are very mean. There are some very strange things that happen with ordinary makeup when hit by a flash. Some turn into a chalk white color while some become completely transparent and show all the underlying beard shadow and other flaws. Professional makeup artists use heavy makeup and powders which manage to avoid most of these problems. However, you won't want to use those products because they're simply too heavy and artificial looking for daily wear. If you do need good cover, the best products that I've heard of are the Dermablend line (sold at most JC Penney stores) and Ben Nuys stage makeup (available at costume and theatrical supply stores; ask for the line of products specifically meant to neutralize beard shadow, or Ben Nuys "Mellow Orange"). Ask the salespeople for the products and colors which will deal with your particular issues the best. Any of these products work well under regular makeup.

For anyone who's curious, I used to use Max Factor Pan-Stik because it was cheap and covered extremely well but the color was a bit too pinkish and I don't need the super-coverage anymore now that I've been through quite a bit of electrolysis. I currently using MAC StudioTech because it covers well and the color match is great, and because MAC is a professional line the formulation and name doesn't change one season to the next as it does with drugstore brands. On the advice of a Hollywood makeup artist, I've also started using rice-based powders with virtually no color. They seem to last longer than pure mineral based powders, absorb oil well, and look very natural. Unfortunately, none of the drugstore or department store brands currently contain rice and I can only find it at some specialty beauty supply stores. I am fussy about my lip liners...I insist on firmer products, not soft greasy ones which don't leave a good clear line. Again, I've come to like MAC, although I suppose if I experiment enough I'll find some drugstore ones that I like.