I always knew I'd look back at the tears and laugh, but I never thought I'd look back at the laughter and cry.
So I wrote most of these poems about a year ago, today being 18/10/99, I have recent ones, poems I like more, deeper ones, angrier ones, funnier ones, but at this peticular moment, I'm too lazy to stick em up here. Oh well, deal with it.
chance decision
i tell myself
its time to face the world again
and my heart falters for a second
do i have to?
what is left for me to do wrong
how many more crucial things
can i leave undone
the daisy petal falls to the ground
life has just begun
*written on one of those days.
stolen
i hated you for letting me live
making me realize those i loved could hurt me
forcing me to face the dysfunction you created
fighting your addiction for you
when all i wanted was my own life
separate from the guilt
and the torment
of growing up in your house
*
only this
an explosion of colors
paper flying across an almost too-blue sky
apologies are made for the mishap
it was noone's fault
she was crossing against the light
the bike is laid aside
he crouches over her concerned
and worries about getting home late
his anniversary was fresh in his mind before this mess
and then he sees her
the perfect angel
his love, her life slipping drop by drop from her
and she whispers "only this matters"
kisses his cheek and leaves him forever
the flowers were meant for their table
but they keep watch at her grave
*written during math class, on a tuesday, just because.
untitled
moments of absolutely certainty have persuaded me to believe
that not only is justice blind but that she leaves her sword in its sheave when it comes to matters of the heart, when the night is descending when the tears flow freely and the guilt is unrelenting no justice will come creeping into the broken hearts of the world until love flows without exception like red velvet curtains being unfurled
*i was in one of my altruistic moods
untitled
good always conquers life may be a shocker but we are protected by faeries and brave muskateers who will always stay to keep monsters at bay and lead us out of our fear and into our palace by the sea we'll get back to it all in the end just close your eyes and pretend
*i wrote this about someone i knew in elementary school, i hope he can return to his innocence someday.
the great fall
standing in the bell tower of redemption's eye
falling hard as they sing a lullabye
to the only child who could ever sleep through this noise
and as i fall to my ascension
i am conscience of my poise
kneeling, head pressed to the floor
kneeling forever more
on my more than reluctant knee
and i'm a sinner
can't you see
*i too doubt my own beliefs
used to
i swear i could walk down the darkest street on the loneliest night and feel love
the heavens parted for us and beautiful truths filled our ears from above
i felt so protected just knowing you heart was beating in time with mine
nothing could compare to looking in your eyes and being able to stop time
being able to say, i am loved, i am special, i am cared for, i belong to something more important that just one
*if you slur this all together it sounds like a very cheesy rap
the honest truth
such a long ways to go to find myself
and nothing terribly exciting at the end of the road
it wasn't really worth looking myself in the eye and admitting all was lost
hope too was lost when those words softly spoken, like drops of water on a mirror
walls were blown down from around me to reveal my cowardess and bitterness
you would think admitting common truths would make one more human, but in fact, not
*we all go through this, i have no clue why.
Abosulutely Uncensored
Spill it out, let if fall with the tears, it doesn't matter to me who you can't love, how many times you tried to finish this business you don't get paid for, theres just something about you, something so tolerable, something so absolutely uncensored, sure maybe you wear the dreds, i won't know you in 5 years and you won't remember knowing me, but for the moment, you're so honest it hurts to listen, you're singing and theres no tune you're reciting poetry and the meter is non existant and lost in the sylables i stand in front of my mirror and try and have an honest conversation i can't admit half of what you have written on your body, i can't admit half of what you have shining from yours eyes, your so much more human than i am, or at least more obviously, more perfectly, more honestly and absolutely uncensored.
Some days I do
some days I do and you don't know it, and some time last year it was all I thought about, and it was my obsession, my private infatuation, escape, the map to elsewhere was stringed round my neck in the necklace I got one christmas from you, i kept it, it choked me with my own guilt, I hardly need some object to tell me I messed up, I messed up, that will be my memory years from now, despite the disappearance of the chain and pendant, I let you down, I let if fall, I let myself fall so easily out of love. I am not convinced it ever could have been forever, we held out longer than we should have and we caused more damage than I've heard we were supposed to. I am not convinced anything is forever anymore. You certainly came and went.
Feelings about something in particular
i'm paying rent enough for two living here, my dust and my soul
i'm paying rent enough for two living here with my dreams and goals
they seemed to never even existed
i'm paying with blood money here but the blood is not really blood
its hope and the money is not really money
is it my faith and I hand it over to you without question
How valuable it will be someday.
Speechless
words do not often leave me speachless
especially those spoken with such blindness as yours
you know i tell you that silence is golden
and silence despite ignorance is not typical from you
you think i should hide who i am
i should swear allegiance to your hatred
and words drip from you tongue
like you have some authority over love and life and liberty
you have nothing, especially not when it comes down to me
and although you often leave me speechless
i have only one thing to say
which i know you will understand
because it was the goal you never hoped to accomplish
you make it hard to be me
the word
Listen darling this is god speaking
ealier this morning you were caught peeking into matters of extreme divinity and this is your chance to forget
you saw nothing
just forget what was said
love is not the key to life
respect is not the key to love
just pretend that all that matters is superficial
the mumbled words and the meaningless prayers
the robes and priests and "gospel conveyors"
i swear to you you will be rewarded
just be patient and close your ears
when words like justice are screamed from those who will die to discover what freedom is
remember unto you i will bestow
the gift
of
ignorance
***warning the following poems were inspired by randomly chosen words during a very productive law class and do not necessarily reflect the mental stability of the author***
aerodynamic wind chimes
silence
the wind blows past
without purpose
without passion
life without passion
leads to death
wind without passion
leads to the triumph
of aerodynamic wind chimes
productive inactivity
i stare at the wall
it stares back at me
we come to an understanding
and the world is forever changed
bloody forest
woodland animals
running, running from the flames
they won't escape
they shall perish trying
bloody forest
cemetary of nature
rest in peace, little ones
dehydrated space monkeys
screech
screech
screech
gasp
slurp
ahhhhh
screech
the void is full
of water
