God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1.    How did you find out about God?

__ Newspaper     __ Television     __ Word of mouth     __ Tabloid
__ Bible     __ Torah     __ Other Book     __ Divine Inspiration
__ Near Death Experience     __ Burning Shrubbery

__ Other (specify):

            __________________________________________________________________________

2.  Which model God did you acquire?

__ Yahweh     __ Jehovah     __ Allah     __ God     __ G_d

__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet     __ Jesus
__ Satan     __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with  no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes __ No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here:

           _________________________________________________________________________________________

4.   What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god? Please check all that apply.

__ Indoctrinated by parents                         __ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society                          __ Needed focus in who to despise
__ Imaginary friend grew up             __ Hate to think for myself
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys                       __ Fear of death
__ Wanted to piss off parents                      __ Needed a day away from work
__ Desperate need for certainty                   __ Like Organ Music
__ Need to feel Morally Superior              __ My shrubbery caught fire and told  me to do it

5.  Have you ever worshipped a God before? Is so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

__ Odin     __ Cthulhu     __ Zeus     __ The Almighty Dollar
__ Apollo     __ Left Wing Liberalism     __ Ra
__ Barney T.B.P.D.     __ The great Spirit     __ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun     __ Bill Clinton     __ The Moon    __ A burning cabbage
__ The Bomb
__ Other:

_________________________________________________________________________________

6.  Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply

__ Tarot     __ Lottery     __ Astrology     __ Television
__ Fortune cookies     __ Ann Landers     __ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics     __ Palmistry     __ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Self-help books     __ Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll
__ Biorhythms     __ Bill Clinton     __ Tea Leaves
__ EST     __ Mantras     __ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Crystals     __ Human Sacrifice     __ Pyramids
__ Wandering around a desert     __ Insurance policies
__ Burning Shrubbery     __ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ Barney Fife     __ None
__ Other:

            _________________________________________________________________________________

7.      God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced  level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

1. More Divine Intervention
2. Less Divine Intervention
3. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
4. Don't know ... what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

Disasters

Ø       Flood      1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Famine     1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Earthquake 1 2 3 4 5

Ø       War        1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Pestilence 1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Plague     1 2 3 4 5

Ø       SPAM       1 2 3 4 5

Ø       AOL        1 2 3 4 5

Miracles

Ø       Rescues                   1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Spontaneous remissions    1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Stars hovering over towns 1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Crying statues            1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Water changing to wine    1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Walking on water          1 2 3 4 5

Ø       (other than the Hudson)

Ø       Talking flaming shrubbery 1 2 3 4 5

Ø       VCRs that set their own clocks  1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Saddam Hussein still alive 1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Cubs winning the Series   1 2 3 4 5

Ø       Clinton's re-election     1 2 3 4 5

9.       Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary):