Sex Over Forty

Sex over forty has a lot more to do with comfort than with necessity. My ideal lover is three feet tall with a flat head so that I can balance a beer and a ham &cheese pita on it while he's doin' me!

Actually, some of my over forty best orgasms were given to me by me. I've got to cut back though, I'm developing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome!

I've also become a bit "Paunchy". I don't go to the beach any more because little children use me for shade. How RUDE!!!!

It's funny how sexual values change by geographic location. For example:

In Redneck areas, when a forty year old says "I'm cummin' ", His son usually says "Get off me, Daddy, you're crushin' my cigarettes!".

Now in the same scenario in Boston ; Dad wouldn't say "I'm cummin'". He'd say "Get prepared, son, I think I'm about to arrive".

In Montana dad would say "I'm cummin'". His son would say "BAA!!".

In California? Dad would say' I'm cummin'" and his som would say. "Hurry up , Dad, Mom wants her turn."

Penis Tax

INLAND REVENUE OFFICE

CIRCULAR TO ALL MALE TAXPAYERS

EFFECTIVE JANUARY 1, 1998


Gentlemen!

The only thing that your government has not yet taxed is your PENIS.

Mainly because ninety- two percent (92%) of the time your penis is out of work and
the other  eight  percent ( 8%) of the time, it's in the hole.
However, it has two dependents who are both nuts.

Accordingly, beginning January 1, 1998, your penis will be taxed according
to its size using the Penis Chart listed below to determine your category.

Please insert the information on Page 2, Section F, Line 3 of your income
tax form 14:-

10 - 12" Luxury Tax
8 - 10" Pole Tax
6 - 8" Privilege Tax
4 - 6" Nuisance Tax


NB:
Anyone under four (4) inches is eligible for a refund. Please do not
request an extension.
Males exceeding twelve (12) inches should file under Capital Gains
Males with dead or half-dead penises should not fill out the Income Tax Form
14, but should claim according to the National Insurance Death Benefit Plan
Sincerely,
Commissioner of Inland Revenue

Q&A MY WAY

Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q. Who is the most popular bear at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q: Who is the most popular cub at the nudist colony?
A. He is the one who can eat the last donut

Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They are both used as substitute meat.

Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year.

Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:

1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with
chocolate. 3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being
called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during
working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face
slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter.

Slinks (sex links)

I'm Sorry, Did I Break Your Concentration .....© 1997, Marty Fancher/KeyTrax Productions Inc.