Previously on Lone Star Tomorrows
Previously on Lone Star Tomorrows (Episode 2)
Previously on Lone Star Tomorrows (Episode 3)
Previously on Lone Star Tomorrows (Episode 4)
Previously on Lone Star Tomorrows (Episode 5)
Previously on Lone Star Tomorrows (Episode 6)
Previously on Lone Star Tomorrows (Episode 7)
The Texas sky was like a starry blanket over the prairie. And like a blanket it seemed to muffle the sound. Even with Hank Thompson playing in the CD, the night was very, very still. Dwayne had yet to say anything since he and Jansen had left the bar. Dwayne had said that he wanted to talk away from the crowd, so they drove down the highway a little bit and then off it to a service road that was as flat as the highway. In the distance Jansen could see some cacti and some oil wells, pumping away. But even they seemed to operate in silence. Now Dwayne was just sitting with him on the dropped tailgate of the truck, staring off into the night. His jaw set tight and swallowing every now and then, but not really saying anything. Jansen would have thought it beautiful had he not been so tied up in wondering what it was that Dwayne was going to say to him. He held Dwayne’s hand on the ride down to hopefully comfort Dwayne; trying to let him know through that connection that what he would have to say would be all right, but Jansen also wanted to comfort himself. He was concerned that maybe this nice dating relationship was going to come to an end and this fellow might be walking out of his life. But they had such a good time dance. What could it be that they’d have to talk in such seclusion and if what Dwayne had to say was something Jansen didn’t like just how awkward would the ride home be? "You’ve got real nice hands" Dwayne said breaking into the silence of the night. He ran his thumb over the back of Jansen’s hand and for the first time since leaving the bar he looked at Jansen, who felt like his own eyes were going to well up. "mmm" Jansen mumbled looking down at his hand. Dwayne sighed and turned to look out to the field again. "You know, I come here to think sometimes. The road actually leads back to a back entrance of a cattle farm that’s not too much further back. They closed it down though. Moved to better quarters. It’s nice, quite, a good place to talk." Jansen put his hand on Dwayne’s leg rubbin’ it gently. Dwayne looked back to him. "You can tell me anything?" Jansen said. Dwayne sighed and stood up off the tailgate taking a few steps forward. He looked up into the sky. Jansen felt confusing welling up in him. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to go up to Dwayne and comfort him, but the dread that weighed down on his insides kept him stuck to the tailgate. He was afraid of what Dwayne might tell him and some small part of him did not want to know. He didn’t want it to change what was happening between him and Dwayne or at least what he thought was happening. "Dwayne." Jansen said weakly. "I’m sorry." Dwayne responded, turning toward Jansen. This is it, Jansen thought. He’s going to end it. Dwayne walked over to him putting himself in between Jansen’s legs. Jansen felt a stir in his jeans and heart, but the worry that Jansen saw in Dwayne’s eyes snuffed that ember. "Jansen." Dwayne licked his teeth. "Dixie said that back at the bar because…" Jansen brought his face closer to Dwayne. Urging him to go on.
"I’m…bisexual." Dwayne said. Jansen blinked. His mind had gone blank. It was words that he couldn’t comprehend. In his mind he had been expecting something different; something heavier with more impact to their relationship. "And the last person that I dated before you was a woman – women actually."
It finally hit home. Jansen heard with clarity what Dwayne had been saying. "Women." He repeated. "Two." Dwayne said holding up his fingers. Now the impact came. Rushing over Jansen. Filling up his face and making him hot.
"Oh". Jansen said quietly. Silence was heavy between the two of them. Dwayne searched over Jansen’s face, looking for some kind of reaction. He had been in this moment many times before; had seen so many expressions; subdued anger, shock, hurt, but something was different about Jansen. Dwayne couldn’t gauge what was happening behind those eyes. He took Jansen’s hand in his own. "Something to say?" Jansen blinked again. His mind was swirling. This did have an impact on his relationship with Dwayne, but just what that was yet, he didn’t know. "I-I..." Jansen trailed off. "Do you still want to see me?" Dwayne asked Jansen looked up into Dwayne’s eyes. The beautiful soft brown was now searching. In a way almost pleading. Jansen leaned forward and kissed Dwayne. The warm taste of his lips made Jansen momentarily weak. He thought about nothing, but here, sitting on the back of the truck being with Dwayne. Dwayne kissed Jansen back. The two boys leaned back into the truck bed and Jansen wrapped his arms around Dwayne, running his hands down his back. He felt Dwayne’s strong, secure arms wrap around him. The two men continued kissing. Jansen put his hand on Dwayne’s, their fingers wrapped around each other and Jansen moved the hands over his own chest and started to move Dwayne’s hand down lower between them. "Whoa their cowboy!" Dwayne said. "What?" Jansen asked. Dwayne looked down, then into Jansen’s eyes. They were a soft gray. He brushed his hand against Jansen’s cheek. "I want you to really think about this." Jansen kissed him again. "I have." He said. "I want you to really think about this, Jansen." There was a pause between them. "Let me take you home." Jansen’s heart fell. "Okay." By the time they got back to the ranch, rain was pounding down and thunder and lighting were cracking and flashing off in the distance. On the way back the two did not say much, but Jansen was comforted by the fact that Dwayne held hands with him. Pulling up to the bunkhouse, Dwayne put the truck in park and turned to Jansen. "I really like you, Jansen." Dwayne said. "I like you, too." Jansen replied. Dwayne looked away and then looked back up. "Listen, I want you to know that when I become committed to someone, I become committed to them. There’s no going back and forth. Who I’m with is who I’m with and though you and I aren’t at that stage yet, I just want you to know when we do. It will only be you and me." Jansen leaned forward and kissed Dwayne on the lips quick and then got out of the truck and walked up the porch in the driving rain. Sleep did not come to Jansen easy that night. Thoughts, ideas and questions swirled though his head. Rain poured down the tin roof of the bunkhouse, thunder made the windows rattle, but neither could drown out the activity of Jansen’s mind. What he had said out in the field was something he turned over and over in his mind. Dwayne dated had women; did date women. He had said two. How long had that been before they started dating? Who were they? Women in town and would he run into them? Would Dwayne tell him all these answers if he asked. Should he even ask. Should it matter? Dwayne had said at the end of the night "who I’m with is who I’m with…it will only be me and you." This statement only added to his swirling mind. Brought up questions about himself. He had been with Drake twice and Toby as well in between dates with Dwayne. Though they weren’t official in their commitment to each other how would his Jansen’s own trists outside the relationship effect it. This was something he had not thought of before tonight. Dwayne had been honest with him because he wanted Jansen to know. Jansen felt twisted inside. He wanted to be honest, but should he really tell Dwayne? As Darleene listed her plans for rodeoing during the upcoming year J. listened intently. She was glad to get her mind onto something that still held an interest for her. It took her mind off of Tracy and the implications that came with Tracy. "Howdy stranger." Said a familiar voice from under a brown cowboy hat as it walked by and made an abrupt stop. "Hey." J said toneless to Tracy. "I’m runnin’ into you all over." Tracy added. J. nodded. "Howdy, I’m Tracy." Tracy added extending her hand to Darleene after an uncomfortable pause. "Howdy…Darleene." Darleene added. "How do you know J.?" she asked.
"Oh, just from the store." Tracy added offhanded. The waitress stood looking at Tracy. "Well, best I get to my table. I’ll see ya around." She tipped her hat to both ladies but before she could get off Darleene interjected "You could join us." Darleene felt J. kick her from under the table. Not so much from hinting at her that she did not want Tracy at their table, but from sitting up so quickly at the suggestion that Darleene had made. Darleene took the kick with good grace, wincing but passing it for a welcoming grin and nod to join the twosome. "I’m not imposing." "Not at all." Darleene said. "Alright then." Tracy looked at the waitress who nodded her own approval. Tracy then sat down next to J. who just about rose out of the booth. "To drink?" asked the waitress. "Horse’s Neck." Tracy replied. "I’ll be back with that and to take your order." The waitress added. "We’ll have our food when hers comes out." "Sure sugar." And then she was off. When Tracy returned from the restroom, J. had her feet propped up in the booth and had no intention of moving them. "I like to stretch out after a meal." She said, twirling a toothpick from side to side in her mouth. Darleene and Tracy both sensed the awkwardness of the situation and Darleene was especially shocked at J.’s rudeness, but made a quick recovery to slide over and provide space for Tracy. "Farm girls." She said. "I’m a farm girl." Tracy added sitting down. Darleene immediately felt her face go hot, but cooled down when Tracy let out a big laugh and elbowed her, then looked across the table at J. and gave her a wink. For a flash of a second J. though that maybe this plan was no better than having Tracy sit next to her. Being able to look into her eyes and see her smile was maybe worse then feeling her body next to her. "Coffee – desert?" asked the waitress coming back. "We’re all good." J. said. "Actually, I’d like some coffee." Tracy added looking at J. with a smile. Darleene couldn’t help but smile herself, though she turned her head so as not to get caught by J. "Alright, I’ll be back with it." J. said. J. sat up, pulled out her wallet and started to lay down her money on the table. "I can get it." Tracy said. "I’m going to get goin’" J. said ignoring Tracy’s offer. "I can get it." Tracy stated again more firmly though maintaining her smile as she looked at J. For a moment J. and Tracy stared at each other. It was first time that J. had held Tracy’s gaze. It was a gaze they held a challenge. This was quite a woman behind the sweet smile. Feeling her face grown hot, J. broke first, tipping her head down and putting her wallet back in her pocket without taking up the money. She said simply. "No." and turned to walk out. "I’ll walk you to your car." Darleene said looking at Tracy and scooting out of the booth. "I stopped listening to lectures when I got out of college." J. said once they were outside. Darleene merely shrugged and walked in the direction of J.’s truck. "Do you know if Tracy does rodeos?" Darleene said. "She mentioned she did." J. said tossing her toothpick into the bushes.
Darleene nodded. "She’s interested in you, you know." J. said nothing. "I know you know." Darleene added. J. walked on to her truck. "She was funny…Seemed stable, too…but I guess you’d have to get to know her more to find that out…" J. opened the door to her truck and climbed in. "Then maybe YOU should ask her on date and get to know her." Darleene grabbed J.’s arm before she could shut the door. "I think that’s a job for you." She paused. "J. are you just going to avoid it for the rest of you life? You can’t hide forever. You have to let down the walls sometime. Let someone in. I know it can hurt, but it can also feel good…real good." "Thanks professor." J. added and pulled the door closed, started up the truck and pulled off. "She’s a farm girl too!!!" Darleene shouted after the taillights of the vanishing pickup. J. merely waved out the window before pulling onto the road. Jansen was up early the Monday morning. He arrived in the kitchen long before Cin or the Sun was up. J. had given him a number of chores to do; including mucking out the stalls and repairing the gate on one and pasturing the horses then collecting them up again. With sleep not coming he figured that he’d get himself an early start. He could come back and eat later; if he felt hungry. Walking out to the stables Jansen though of the peace of the early morning. Gray had started to break up the night sky and the stars were disappearing. He thought back to the night not too long ago when he came out again to think and almost wound up being trampled. He hadn’t heard much more about it from J. or anyone else. Giving him food for thought as to what might have spooked the beeves that night as he walked further to the stalls. The horses were all quite and he set about his work in the same way. Not really wanting to talk with anyone, he didn’t want to give anyone reason to get up. After setting all the horses out, he figure he’d set to work on the gate first. He dug out the tools and made his way over to the corral. As he begun his task he didn’t hear the footsteps come up behind him, but he sure felt the hard muscular hands on his back. One’s that made him jump up and into the arms of Drake. "Howdy, cowboy. You’re up early." He whispered, and dropping his hand down to the center of Jansen’s pelvis he added. "The real question is are you up." Jansen squirmed inside of Drakes grip. "No. I’m not up for this." "We can take care of that." Drake said, running a tongue over Jansen’s earlobe and beginning to give the denim fly a rub. Jake began to squirm even more out of Drake’s grip. "Mmmm…I like a little resistance." Breaking free of Drake’s grip, but grabbing a hard hold of his arms so that Drake could not get a hold of him again, Jansen repeated solidly "I’m not up for this." The Talk
Spokes
Back at the Ranch
"Oh." Drake said into the quiet and looking Jansen over he realized that something was really amiss. His demeanor changed with the realization. The rugged, rippled, rough, sex daddy was gone and replaced with a gentle giant; someone that one could see though his facial expression cared that something might be wrong. "What is it?" He asked.
"Nothing."
"You sure"
Jansen considered the question. Drake sure was hot, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to be sharing his boy…well potential boyfriend troubles with his fuck buddy. He nodded.
Now it was Drake’s chance to consider. He looked at Jansen and silence stood between them until Drake put a hand on Jansen’s shoulder and said. "Alright. Just know that I care about a lot of folks here, and you’re not just a piece of ass to me. My office is open for other things, too." *************************************************************Dawn turned into mid morning and Jansen was glad for chance to work alone. He was not sure just where, what or who Toby might be doing and J. had spent most of the day in her office. Only coming out once to see what Jansen was doing. Though she did not say anything to him. Only eyeing him from a distance and then going back to her office.
As noon approached he loaded up the flatbed attached to the truck to bring out some hay to the horses in the field. As he was putting on the last couple of bails a familiar voice said. "It’s easier to have one man toss while the other drives."
Jansen looked up to find that Chase standing at the end of the flatbed.
"Hop in." Jansen said; opening the passenger side door.
*********************************************************The two men rode out into the field; Chase tossing the bails out to the horses as Jansen slowly drove in circles, figure eights and slalom patters. When the last of the bails were unloaded and the horses all taken some fill Chase shouted to Jansen to pull around on the far side of the field and park it. Chase sat himself down on the flatbed and took off his gloves. Jansen sat in the tuck for some moments, looking into the passenger mirror to see Chase. The man just sat there looking out at the herd; a contented grin on his face. Eventually, Jansen climbed out of the truck himself to see what it was that was holding Chase’s attention so.
"See the way that they perked up when you got out of the truck." Maverick said. Jansen looked. A few of the horses, chewing on the hay had taken a moment to examine him while others just continued to graze.
"They’re watching you for signs of danger. If they sense it they move off and others will follow. See their ears. They have them turned right to you. Listening for anything about you that might be off putting to them. Since you are a familiar figure to them, they don’t have much cause for alarm, but keep a watch on you all the same."
Chase put his hand as though he wanted Jansen to be still. Jansen did so. The horses eyed them for a few more minutes and then went back to their grazing.
Chase motioned Jansen to come around and Jansen did so taken each step as careful as if he was walking on ice.
"This is a way to get to know a horse." Chase whispered to him though he looked straight ahead. "Just watch ‘em for a while. Years ago my gran’paw had a Lakota man working the ranch. He was a terrific horseman. He could get a horse to do just about anything. It was as though he and the horse were one. My gan’paw asked him one time how he came to be so good with horses and the ol’ fellow said to him ‘Which plot of grass is your horses favorite? Does your horse prefer to graze with a group or on his own? Does he prefer to play or rest before or after he grazes?’ All questions that my gran'paw didn’t know the answers to. The man laughed and said, ‘Get to know the horses. Take time to form a relationship with them. When you know your horses intimately you know what they are thinking and in return they will know what you are thinking. And they will react to it. A good relationship breeds good reactions and a bad one breeds the same.’"
Chase paused for a long moment.
"I like to watch the horses. They’re social animals. And you can learn their habits and their hurts by watching them. Sometimes you can avoid a serious hurt just by watching ‘em and knowing that their behavior is outside the norm. That something is wrong."
A long silence hung between the men. Only the chomping, stomping of the horses interrupted the silence.
Chase picked up one of the hay straws that was still lying on the bed and stuck it between his teeth to chew. He leaned back on his elbows and tipped his hat down lower over his eyes.
"Dwayne’s bi." Jansen said rather loudly causing the horses to perk up again. "Bisexual, I mean." He added in a lower tone.
Chase nodded his head. "He dates men and women."
"Yes."
"At the same time?"
"He says no."
"Do you believe him?"
"Yes."
"And what about you, Jansen?"
Jansen turned to Chase. "What about me?"
"Are you still undecided or is your mind made up?"
Jansen was taken aback and started to stammer, "Well—I—Have had some…experiences."
Chase nodded with a knowing, yet kind smile.
"And well…I like it. I like it a lot, and I like Dwayne a lot. He is a very sweet, kind man—from what I know of him so far. But--" Jansen turned, took off his hat and ran his hand over his head. "Well, I did come here as a way to figure my own self out. Have I done that yet? I can tell you no, but he sounds decided and his decision is both. I—for—myself expected that I would be deciding one or the other. I had never considered both. Though I knew it to be a possibility, I never considered it. Never thought—" Jansen stopped. "Dwayne is real nice. When I look into his eyes, it likes I’m seeing the real person. Not something hidden. You know it’s like looking through a big bay window at night. You can see clear into the house, every piece of it is there for you to look at. You’re only to wonder about the people that might live inside. And I do wonder about him."
Chase nodded, then after a pause said, "So are you undecided or is your mind made up?"
Jansen, hopped into Dixie’s place with a eager look from one end of the bar to the other.
"He ain’t here tonight." Dixie called out from the bar.
Jansen’s shoulders dropped noticeably.
"Have a seat though. I’m good company enough aren’t I, even though I may not have beautiful brown eyes."
Jansen took off his jacket and sat down at the bar while Dixie poured him a coke.
"Love’s trouble." She said, then added quickly. "Or attraction in this case. I don’t mean to be jumping the gun here."
"Have you seen Dwayne?"
"Sure have, sweetness. He’s like my son. A lot of you are. You know Tom and I don’t have any children, so we find family where we can, the horses and a lot of you boys and girls and boys slash girls and girls slash boys. You all get real close to my heart. Especially nice ones like you and Dwayne." She reached out and patted Jansen’s arm.
Jansen looked into his coke.
"Don’t worry about it, darling. Dwayne will be back come Thursday, and you have his number don’t you?"
Jansen looked up and nodded.
"You call him. Love and relationships are work now. They’re like this bar. You have to keep ‘em up if you want to keep folks coming back for more. And every now and then you’ll have some trouble, but it’s nothing you can’t clean up after. If you’ve made your mind up to that or are you still undecided?"
Jansen let out a big howl of a laugh."Well, what’s so funny, darling?" Dixie asked, her face scrunched up in confusion.
"Nothing, really. It’s just that Chase had said something similar like that to me just this morning."
"Oh, now you talk about someone who knows about love and trouble." Dixie added turning her attention to wiping down the back of the bar.
"Yeah, I suppose with Rickett—"
"Oh Rickett ain’t the half of it. I mean with the way Lewis and Chase were a few years ago, boy howdy. There’s a relationship that needed a whole dang construction crew. I mean sure when they were first together it was sweet and all, but then it going from sweet to sour to the plain bitter they are on each other now. It’s hard to imagine how two lovers like that—" Dixie’s stopped as she turned and saw the dumbfounded expression on Jansen’s face. "Oh," She added. "I don’t suppose from the look on your face that Chase told you about that part of his life."
Dixie set down the bottle that she was dusting and took off a bottle of Jim Beam from the shelf. Pulling a shot glasses from under the bar she filled it. "I hope you don’t mind that I drink as I tell you this cuz it is one whiskey of a story."
"After they split up, they split up the Capitol Star"
In taking a closer look at the barb wire, it appeared to have been cut, not just snapped.
A familiar voice held a warm hello, but all Toby could feel was a chill.
YankeeCowboy
Size Me Up!
The 5 w's
Bi American
Climbing into The General Lee, and out of the closet
Slide and Ride
In the flesh, or at least a glossy simulation
Cowboy Poetry
Blood, Sweat and Steers
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