My Coming Out Story

I'm entitling this "My Coming Out Story", but really it will be anything that deals with my sexuality and doesn't fit anywhere else...thoughts, ideas, whatever. Not to mention somewhere to stick extra graphics I like.
Anyway, about me real quick... I've always been pretty open about my sexuality, without being tied too tightly to it. I think I've always recognized that I'm attracted to women... I first liked a girl in the 5th grade, considered myself queer by 6th, I told my closest friends and my parents in the 7th, I had my first girlfriend in the 8th (ugh, what a mess), and in the 9th I came out to pretty much everyone. In the 10th grade I was one of those super-proud lesbians, wearing pride jewelry and starting a glbt youth group and anything else you can think of. In the eleventh grade I got hopelessly heartbroken by this girl named Kym and swore off women. So THEN I dated this disgusting guy for about six months-- thank goddess that's over. Still thinking I could get rid of my heartbreak with a man, I tried having sex with one, which was neither good nor bad, but certainly wasn't worth it. After that, I gave it all a break for a while. I met a couple people, dated a cute girl named Lauren a couple weeks, but nothing serious. Then last September I met an awesome guy named Spunky and we clicked right away, and we've been together since. We've had ups and downs, but overall we're great together, and I have a good feeling about our future.
I consider myself Lesbian, but I'm not picky about what people call me. It's true that most of the time I am far more drawn to grrlz than boyz, but I don't consider it set in stone. I've cared for women. I've cared for men. I love a man right now, which may or may not be the life I end up with. It's all just packaging for the important part-- what's inside. The heart, the mind, the spirit. Yes, I am more attracted to the female packaging than the male. It doesn't matter as much as I used to think (and what most people still think.) So in short, the labels never mattered much to me anyway, Lesbian, Bisexual, Sraight...I'm a Woman, nothing more, nothing less.
As far as coming out goes, I have been incredibly lucky...everyone I've told has been just fabulous about it. Julia especially has been very supportive, not to mention someone to bitch to when everyone else was sick of it. And Elizabeth's awesome sense of humor is priceless when dealing with it all. ("A witch, a dyke, a nuerotic obsessive-compulsive...don't we know anyone normal...oh yeah, I forgot, that's not part of your vocabulary...") My parents also are pretty cool with it, it's never been much of any issue. I just wish everyone could be as lucky as me.

This is an article I wrote for the school paper, but they wouldn't publish it because the content was too "mature" for our age group, (8th grade). Well, I was determined to have it published, even if not in the school paper. I thought about taking it out, because now that I'm older it sounds so childish, but then I remember how much it meant to me at the time. So here it is:

Our Future
Prejudice is one of the most destructive ideas on earth. It is the cause of both minor things, like disrespect or hurt feelings, and more major things, like death. Some of the strongest discrimination today is that against homosexuals. Tragically, most people don’t recognize bigotry against gays for what it is. Words like "faggot" and "dyke" are tossed around at school as casually as "nerd" or "chicken". This name-calling can escalate to violence and hate crimes. Gay bashing often causes injuries that need hospital treatment. Many times they result in death. Also, gay and lesbian teens are four times more at risk for suicide than straight teens. All this is a product of the tremendous prejudice towards homosexuals. As the next generation, it is up to us young people to do away with that narrow-mindedness that is the cause of so much pain and suffering. We can learn from the wrongdoing in the present to make the future safe for everyone. We are the future.

Look at this neat graphic I found!

January 6, 2001: This is some advice I gave someone today, and, since it summarizes a lot of what I've learned in my "search for sexual identity" (yeah, I hate the way that sounds too), I thought I'd put it here. So, at the risk of sounding like a cheap self-help book, I share my words of wisdom:
"I know what it’s like to be confused about who you are. I'd love to be your friend; whenever you need someone to talk to, just write me. Some up-front advice, though...you’re young; right now you don’t need to know or decide whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual, or an elephant. Don’t try to put a label on yourself. I made that mistake, and later felt trapped. Sexuality is a very fluid thing, no matter what they say, very few people are totally straight or totally gay. Every case is different...you don’t need to say "I’m attracted to women" or "I’m attracted to men", it’s cool just to say "I’m attracted to that woman," or "I’m attracted to that man". Go with how you feel, never try to force yourself to fall in love with someone, and definitely don’t try to deny your heart when you do fall in love. And don’t worry about those gay-paranoid people, they'll always be trying to get in your way, and what they think can affect you only as much as you let it. You don’t need to tell anyone anything when you’re scared of how they’ll react. Nobody should try to to make you feel like you have to come out to the world and all those homophobic people before you're ready. When it's time for you to tell people, you will. It may be tomorrow, or it may be when you’re thirty. Love is one area of your life where you can’t afford to worry about how others will feel...worry about how you will feel."

Interesting fact of the day:
Jan and Marcia from The Brady Bunch were secret lesbian lovers. Hmmmm....

Guess what, it's October 11-National Coming Out Day!
Woohoo! Yay! (Insert various other celebratory exclamations here.) And in honor of this event, I racked my little brain and found someone new to tell- my grandfather. Oh, this is all just so exciting!
This is old --> I have been thinking about monogamy lately, and have come to the conclusion that it's unnatural. It's something that we have been trained since birth to consider a virtuous state, but I really think that the human heart wasn't created that way. It's capable of too much love. Not to mention lust... people seem to think that if you are want a person, that takes something away from someone else. Keep in mind that I have no problem whatsoever being loyal to who I'm with. If I care about someone, I want to make them happy. And I'm just as prone to jealousy as any other person. I just think this has more to do with how we were raised than human nature.

© 2002 almorey@thwy.net

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