1. You've already read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for 1998
2. You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.
3. You've figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.
4. You decide to see how many Mountain Dews you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.
5. People come into your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.
6. No longer content with merely photocopying your butt, you now scan and enhance it with Photoshop.
7. You now require only a single can of cola to belch the names of all Seven Dwarfs.
8. The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.
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