I'd like to know what is up with guys who lie - either about their appearance or about their age? You hear from these type of guys from personal ads all the time.
Let's start with age. Who do they think they're fooling? What are they thinking? Age does get found out eventually, so why lie about it?
Lying in itself is a great way to start off on the wrong foot. It contradicts any claims of sincerity and honesty that may have been mentioned beforehand. It then has a great deal to say about that person's sense of self-security and self-respect. Above all, though, it shows no consideration for the other person as far as trust, respect, or feelings go.
I know somewhat as to the idea behind some of lying. One is in hope that by the time the age lie is revealed, he would have won over someone with a winning attitude and a sparkling personality. Kind of ignores the other attributes the other person would also be looking for besides a charming character.
Realities of a lie are totally ignored by the liar. To many people, an age difference is a big consideration. It is a personal choice of need, taste, and desire: such as one who wishes a youthful partner; considering mobility in later years; present physical activity and recreation; the need to explore and travel yet; or perhaps just plain consistent sexual satisfaction. Whether one goes one way or the other on the age scale, personal lifestyle, sexuality, career, and goals do play a major role in choosing a partner - short-term, long term, or whatever the case may be.
To the person who lies this seems unfair - even prejudiced. Perhaps it is in some cases, perhaps not. Fact is, it is the other person's life ... period. No if's, and's, or but's about it. People will make their own choices and decisions in life to suit their particular lifestyle. Personally, I have always worked on the assumption I will not like or love everyone I come across, not do I expect everyone to like/love me. (It would be a fairly nice world where liking one another true.) We should work on what we can control - ourselves and our own personal environment. Gravitate towards people like oneself, people you would like and would be liked in return.
So anyway, how many have met the 40 year old dude who states that he is tall slim, athletic, positive about life, and is seen as sexy by others? Only you discover, upon meeting, he is 65, short, anorexic, bald, and neighbors call him ‘sexy' out of friendly jest. You wonder how much he believed he could get away with. Is the bitterness of rejection adding up in his life - is he even aware of the reason?
What about that younger guy who states he is a "handsome, blonde, blue-eyed, athletic stud" only to find out handsome is his own opinion; that he is a tall 350 pound ex-college quarterback; and while blonde, it is a thinning receding hairline. Some call it stretching the truth or a white lie, but I call it "the hopeful lie".
Aside from personal tastes and choice, most of us who seek friendships are not adverse to these people per se as much as we are turned off, and embarrassed, by what we can only see as a desperate lie. This desperation and hopefulness is like a thorn that demands to be pulled. Yet most of us agree that we are reluctant to get to know these people because they have, in fact, lied.
Let's use the younger person as an example. Except for those exceptions who are attracted to older men or desire to form a relationship with someone older, young guys will not find someone 65, 55, 45, 35, or perhaps even 30 sexy or desirable - they just find them old and inflexible. Of life, we, of the older set, refer to it as ‘set in our ways' - and the older one gets, the more set the cement. There is a wisdom and inflexibility - a reluctance to share all the mistakes and growing pains of youth all over again. Some of us just do not want to relive all that young angst over again. The older set is also not as patient as they would like to believe they are. As far as youth and aging goes, that unfortunately goes with the territory - usually somewhere around the waistline and ankles as aging progresses. I have heard the phrase, "but I am young inside" or "I have a young attitude". Yes, well, getting it out and keeping it going is a whole different story, isn't it?
Personally, as far as looks go, I would love to be considered handsome, cute, a ‘stud', or somewhere in the vicinity of "somewhat acceptable". Brilliant thing about life is that for everyone there is a season, etc. etc. Bluntly, some find me handsome and there are others who find me ugly. C'est la vie. I cannot tell you how many conversations I have eavesdropped on (I'm a writer after all) where I have heard younger people attaching ugly, "yuck", faggy, or homely to Tom Cruise, Luke Perry, or Ben Affleck, while a sigh goes to Marilyn Manson. These aren't people who are wild or rebellious either - just simple high school kids. Go figure. Since, I have listened to different criticisms (and sometimes arguments) that state: too short, too tall, hairy, too smooth, too preppy, too scary, too cute, too fat, too thin, hair too short, hair too long, no hair, too phony, too rough, and the list goes on. It is my personal advice you go with who you are and your best as such because you are never going to please everyone, even if you are Tom Cruise.
For someone older, a liaison with someone younger will amount to any verbal subservience to be a part of the younger male's life. The older male, in his eyes, can be compassionate and understanding. Well, to the younger people, "understanding" and compassion mean more than just being able to agree with them, define the word, and identify with a given circumstance. The younger male is seeking guidance and help in dealing and coping with a given situation in life. The elder male can be understanding of said situation but relating with it fully falls fantastically short.
Younger males stick together and help one another - physically, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually. This male bonding may not always be evident but it is there. An older male cannot commit to that because he has all ready struggled through this bonding and full commitment in life and is either hesitant to empathize with it once more, or sees it, now, as unimportant. There is a definite lack of sharing and sharing in this circumstance - a generation gap. The younger male can be sat down and talked to like a mature adult, but while the generalities of growing up are the same the baseline of time and era is askew. Growing up at the change of the millennia is not the same as the 50's, 60's, 70's or 80's. I am not saying there are not exceptions to sharing lives, no. But it is rare.
I, for one, would be willing to be a friend and/or lover to a younger male, yet I am not willing to be a parent - which sometimes guidance and teaching requires. Unfortunately, as anyone grows older we just naturally tend to fall into that categorical "parent" realm towards someone younger - out of a love, compassion,, or friendship that cannot bare to see someone hurt, make mistakes, and be alone. (Yet, we all know inside, that anyone will make the same mistakes regardless of warnings and correction.)
I have heard many males state that true love and commitment will win out in the end, regardless of the above. (Sure, in some instances it will. For example, when perhaps two people have been together for many years or have known one another for a considerable amount of time.) When it comes to the daily proposition, though, this romantic statement does not hold water. I have explored several points I have seen consistent in my time. Some are true, albeit cruel statements of life. The exceptions can be wonderfully romantic. Where the romantic ideals shine through is usually when love has considered honesty and sincerity. Everything will not last.
Point is, love will only occur when an exchange between two people happens with respect, sincerity, and honesty. Not even the most valiant lies will last through even the briefest liaison.
Don't lie. It's not worth it. Lying is counterproductive and usually leads to feelings of compounded rejection and anger.
Lies get found out eventually and the reaction to them is justified
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