I've noted in the gay community an impatience, though not an intolerance, with those whom choose to live a closeted lifestyle. At first, having a secret friendship - or a hush-hush liaison - can seem attractive by its romantic intrigue, until the realities become evident.

The closeted gay has a lot of anxiety and stress involved with reaching out to someone outside the straight lifestyle. While he desires contact with another gay person, another part of him holds back: he worries about being seen with another gay person, as though everyone will identify two males together as gay; there is the worry family and friends will see the two of together which in most cases, unless it is a very small community, is against the odds; and there are time considerations which the closeted gay person feels he has to account for, with family and straight friends. To a closeted gay, these are very real concerns.

These are not the only reasons discretion should be observed between closeted and openly gay people, but they are a starting point. Those who are friends with closeted gays, have to relate to a secret friendship due to families, friends, career, politics, social position, etc. You can be great friends if you take the time.

RESPECT - If you are a true friend, you will respect your friends choices, and viewpoints.

CHOICE - Choices personally made on an emotional level are hard to compliment with reason, logic, or reality, so just be supportive of a friend's choice.

CHANGE - Older ideals and beliefs are often too set to change overnight. Seeking to change someone is not the objective of friendship - acceptance is. If someone changes, then it will occur out of natural growth.

GROWTH/LEARNING - Consistent sharing - an exchange of both shared interests/views as well as diverse opinions - allows the growth of both friends in that they learn off one another in some way or another. It is the reward of friendship.

FRIENDSHIP - True friendship is not an acquaintance nor a lover situation. Friendship is support, respect, acceptance, and sharing between people on a mental and emotional level. It is real. Don't fool around with it with silly games.

UNDERSTANDING - Understanding is more than just acknowledging facts, it is empathy with another person. Therefore, it is also about comfort and encouragement towards others.

SUPPORT - Being There. Sometimes we do not understand; sometimes we do. What we are all capable of is just "being there" for others as a shoulder, ear, or a person to hold onto.

COMPASSION - Attempting to at least, identify, and share through communication is the best way to care for others. Listen, even if you do not agree with the topic. Conversation goes far to create a mutual bond between two people.

AND SOMETIMES LOVE - Love is an emotion that does not listen to reason. Let love grow from respect and an understanding of the other person and their lifestyle. Do not let love take root in selfish behavior,, because it only leads to bitter feelings like jealousy and envy. By the way, think deeply about momentary sexual need - friendship have ended due to brief moments of desire.