Beware of Reparative Therapy

The brazen advertisements of "healed" homosexuals this summer have reminded me of the time I, myself, spent attempting to find the cure for homosexuality. I wanted so badly to have these feelings disappear that I did everything my religious leaders recommended. This included not only religion-based psychotherapy, but also the singing of church hymns, wearing tight clothing to bed, and marriage after having been promised that God wanted evidence of my desire to change. Marrying a "daughter of God" was to be the ultimate act of faith that would bring me to a normal sexual life. My religion-based psychotherapy was damaging—not only to me, but also to my wife and my family. I was introduced to the works of Jospeh Nicolosi, a catholic writer and psychotherapist. He had written of his theories to cure homosexuality. These theories, based upon the assumption that homosexuality is pathologic, set out to define the cause for this pathology. What I did not initially realize, and I am sure other uneducated parents and young homosexuals do not realize is that, in Nicolosi’s theory, the cause falls very close to home-dysfunctional families, distant fathers, overbearing mothers, jealous parents, etc. And if one of these is the cause for unwanted personal feelings and viewpoints it leads to blame and hatred and further dissolution of family ties.

Reparative therapy first places blame for same sex desires then seeks to create new sexual desires for the opposite gender. It attempts to create same-gendered non-sexual relationships for the struggling homosexual on the assumption that gay people have no healthy relationships with heterosexual members of their own gender. Men are encouraged to befriend straight men, to play sports, to discuss and explore opposite sexual feelings. Women are to heal their relationships with their mothers, to find healthy straight women friendships and to accept Christ and the patriarchal order that "God" has designed for the world. Reparative therapy does not offer wholeness. It seeks to compartmentalize the unwanted feelings into a hated part of one’s being that is buried and ignored. Reparative therapy does nothing to heal this self-hatred. Reparative therapy does nothing to help deal with repressed feelings, nor do they prepare the individual for the various ways that repressed, unwanted feelings manifest themselves. It is medical malpractice to advocate and direct patients to compartmentalize parts of their being into wanted and unwanted psyches. It is a sad experience, as I know all too well, to deny part of ones self. The personal experience not only did not lead to mental or spiritual health, it gave me even more reason to hate my father and did nothing to assist me in loving my wife more.

Any psychologist or physician who would approach a patient with a presumed religious agenda is definitely not worth the time or the money they are paid and in fact is extremely dangerous to the health and spiritual well being of the patient. Any therapist or mental health professional that claims cures for homosexuality is lying. Do not be swayed by their words of sympathy or by the psychobabble.

Reparative therapy is dangerous. It is based upon worn out theories that do not withstand independent evaluation or scientific observation. It is based upon theories that include lies about the history of homosexuality and the psychiatric profession. These theories have been dismissed by all independent mental health organizations and should be thrown on the heaps of discarded dangerous theories of mankind.

No scientific study has proved any efficacy for reparative therapy. No scientific study has been published which discusses the results of blame or the ongoing dangers of repressed self-hatred following such therapy. No study has been published looking at the heterosexual marriages that result from reparative therapy. No long-term study has been published looking at those who claim having found cures from homosexuality-like, how long the "cure" lasts, what the individual is feeling five years after therapy has been terminated, etc.

Now for those of you reading this who still feel shame or hatred for the part of you that has same-sex desires. Please know that these feelings are understandable in a world that teaches us that our lives are less valuable, that we are perverts and unwanted. It is not unusual to wish for a life of apparent normalcy. It is okay to struggle. It hurts to be different in a world that often values sameness. But, life can be full of joy and growth and peace as well as pain and struggle.

A life of joy comes only through self-acceptance and mental and spiritual wholeness. That does not mean that life has been without struggle or pain. This is part of the process of self-discovery and truth seeking. Struggle is worth the reward that comes with the ability to claim ones truth. Being gay does not preclude one from finding meaning and happiness in life. It does not preclude one from reaching their full potential. Therapy may be an important part of the process of learning to love one’s otherness; of learning to understand one’s purpose in living. Health is more than just a normal blood pressure and normal body weight. It is spiritual and emotional health that will bless life. You will not get there with reparative therapy designed to "cure" you of your homosexuality.