I was born on November the 14^th 1972, which makes me 30 years old at the moment. I was born as a male with all the male parts, but without the right male feelings inside. I was christened as Scott and lived as him until early 1998, when I finally came out about my true self and feelings.

In July 1998 I began my Hormone treatment, and from November 1998, I changed my name and began to live in my true gender role as Natasha Tamara Jordan, previously to moving back to England I lived in the Holland for nearly 5 years My family (Mum, Dad, 2 Brothers and 1 Sister all reside in the UK.)

I like most, started cross-dressing from an early age, the earliest I remember was when I was about 7 years old, sneakily wearing my mum's Stockings and Boots. (I still cannot quite remember how I got them on being so small?).   I remember dabbling with make up also, but I think I just put it anywhere, specifically I remember putting lipstick in my belly button.

Life went past and at 14-17, I thought I was just a normal boy, except for many female tendencies that I just suppressed.  I always tried to fit in the best way I could.  I lost my virginity at 15 and had a very sexual life up. Anyway it was around 16 that my closet cross-dressing, began to fall back into my life again.  Every secret opportunity I had, I tried to fulfil my female needs.   Always borrowing any female's clothes that I could get my hands on.  This included my mum, sister, landladies and girlfriends.  I was so careful and always covered my tracks, and luckily nobody ever seemed to suspect...

At 17 I began to turn to recreational drugs for a need to escape reality. This ended when I was 19 when I had the worst experience of my whole entire life, due to quite a few drug overdose's, that changed me completely as a person and god did it make me suffer.  I knew the best thing for me to do was to get away from Torquay, as I had no confidence no trust and no need for life anymore.  I didn't know a way out until I met my ex-girlfriend.  She came from Manchester on Holiday to Torquay, it seemed to be love at first sight, but really deep down it was an escape route away from my sad life, Torquay and any Tv/Ts tendencies I had...(Wasn't I wrong!).

All I could think about was a house, kids and a wife.   Within a couple of months of writing and visiting each other we decided to move away to a neutral town.  And Brighton was where we moved to.  She fell pregnant within the move and 9 months down the line I was a proud Dad.  (Wish I were so proud now).  My cross-dressing became even more influential in my life and I made the most of every opportunity when she was out.  I never mentioned anything to her.   During two tough years together, it finally had to end because we just didn't get on and it wasn't a good environment to bring up a child.  We did love each other still but our love was turning to hate and I think one of us may have of done something stupid!  Well I tried to.... I thought I should take my own life and commit suicide, I overdosed on a bottle of paracetamol, but am only here today due to the quick thinking of my ex-girlfriend.  But like most suicides it was a cry for HELP.  But did I get any help after this, no way, but I did learn some valuable lessons.

So where was I left now? Well I was 21, homeless, desperate, still suicidal, a Dad, Still suffering from my drug overdose in Torquay, Depressed, had hardly any friends and to top it all my Tv/Ts tendencies were getting stronger and stronger. I turned to the Samaritan's, my GP, family, councillor's and psychiatrists in aid for help. All I got back was more drugs and a two monthly appointment to see somebody... But at the end of the day nobody could help me, and it was up to myself to get out of a massive hole.

I made the best of life and tried to fit in were I could, moving from job to job, home to home.  But still things were not getting better.... 1997 came and this was the year of change.  I went for a job working for somebody in a wheelchair.  At last I had found my one friend that was going to turn my life around.  We made an instant true friendship.  He was 37 married to a wonderful girl and is in a wheelchair due to a RTA 13 years ago.  He is totally disabled ("Different" abled is what I like to say) from the neck down, but his mind is better than most and is still training to become a doctor.  He and his wife were so honest and open and offered so much support and love, care etc. The relationship was amazing and my life was getting a hell of a lot better.  It took about 3 weeks for myself to pour my heart out and tell them everything about myself including being a closet Tv/Ts.  The encouragement and honesty was amazing.  I then moved in with them and became a full-time live-in career.  They then both helped me do what I had dreamed of and to get my self a female wardrobe, make up etc.  We all spent time shopping, then we took 6 weeks away in Amsterdam and 2 weeks in Thailand, of which was amazing.  During the end of 1997 my friend’s marriage began to fall, as his wife had been caring for him since she was 17.  She felt that she hadn't had time to find HERSELF and she wanted to separate from her husband, unfortunately things wasn't as easy as that, as my friend needs 24 hour care and suddenly his life was falling apart. (All that is another story again)  We went to Thailand at Christmas 1997, and it was in Thailand that him and his wife were to split and go separate ways.

So on the flight back it was all up to me to look after my friend, as his wife was ready for a new life in Thailand.  My friend and me had to be strong as the beginning of 1998 was going to be hard and yes it was.  His encouragement for me being a Tv/Ts was slipping as he had far more important things to do...  I still classed my self as TV/Ts at the time even though I still wanted to be a full time woman.  I always classed Transsexuals as people who were either about to have the op or who were in the middle of taking hormones, but evidently I was wrong.   And so I classed my self as pre-op transsexual.  But what do labels mean anyway ?? I am happy just being Natasha.

I began to get less and less work from my boss, and in the end I had to move out.  A couple of months after this I was suddenly unemployed, due to the fact that I didn't think my boss could handle it any more.  I moved into a flat in the end, and at last I was able to bring out Natasha more and more.  I finally had my appointment with my doctor.  The appointment went with total success and the specialist agreed to start me on my way to become my female self.  I think going through the NHS is a tougher route than going private, but so far things have been good.  My own GP then prescribed me with Androcure (Cyproterone Acetate) and Premarin (HRT). I started my course
of treatment on the 8^th of July 1998.  At first the hormones were quite hard to get used to, mainly because I felt so tired all the time.  But now things are going really well hormone wise.

Not long after starting my treatment, I decided to tell my close family, firstly starting with my Mum, then Dad and my brothers and sister and my ex-girlfriend the mother of my 6-year-old son.  The reaction from all was very mixed.   My mum was and still is great, and I treat her as my best friend.  Dad is also quite good about it all, but he still finds it hard when he miss's the old me. After telling my brothers, they decided they couldn’t handle it and I haven't spoke to them since. My sister has had mixed reactions, but at the moment I still do not see her or speak to her because she doesn’t like to contact me.  The hardest of all was my ex-girlfriend I had no idea if I would ever see my son again, at first she was fine but after a few days she decided it best for myself not to see my son Jordan again.   Since telling her she has been up and down with her reactions, I finally sent her a long letter explaining the way I feel, and explaining that I didn’t want my son Jordan to go through his schooling getting bullied because of myself being Transsexual.   So for now we have decided that we will leave it up to Jordan, for him to make his own decision about me and hopefully in a few years I will have him in my life and arms again. So I am crossing my fingers as tight as possible.

Then finally the big day came, on the 13^th of November 1998, I decided to start to live full time as Natasha and started my RLT (Real life test.) I legally changed my name to Natasha Tamara Jordan.  Things have gone so well since transition, I really couldn’t have of asked for an easier time.   Every body has been great and nobody has suspected that I am a Transsexual.   Not being spotted on the street as Transsexual can make life so much easier, for this I am very thank full for.

Christmas 1998 was the hardest and most saddest Christmas of my life, for the first time ever I didn't spend any of it with any of my family.   But just after Christmas my Mum showed me a video of her Christmas, it was so upsetting to see, especially seeing Jordan on video.  But this is something I am sure I will have to get used to every Christmas.

Then on the 23rd of February 1999 I met the most wonderful person of my life.  Well I actually met Revana on the internet, but it was an instant love. We spent hours and hours on the phone and Internet chatting until the 17th of March 1999, when Revana came to England so we could meet for the first time.   Since that date we have been with each other just about 24/7 until today. 

In April 1999 I stood by Revana as she went through her GRS (Gender reassignment surgery), her surgery went really well, even though she took about 3 months to recover, but that is normal.

Then one of the best moments of 1999 came for me in October.  Finally after a lot of hard work I received confirmation that I had been given a date for my GRS (Gender reassignment surgery) for the 2nd of February the year 2000. WOW

Christmas 1999 was a very quite, but a lovely Christmas.   I spent it with Revana and her family, it was again quite a sad time for myself, especially as this is the time of the year you think of family.  Once again I didn't see any of my family.  It was also strange being away from the tradition of an English Christmas.

But overall 1999 was a wonderful year.
And the new years party in Amsterdam for the millennium was a New Years Eve never to forget, even though I don't remember hardly any.. Giggle

The beginning of the year 2000 was just waiting around for my GRS. 
Finally on the 1st of February myself and Revana drove to Brussels in Belgium, for what was an very exciting time of my life.  I was to be having my surgery with a DR. Seghers a very famous DR. for GRS.  I was very lucky also that my Mum and her boyfriend Pete arrived on the same day so they could be with me while I had my surgery.   So I did have the most important people of my life with me, except for my Dad who was to be coming but he didn't turn up.