Carolyn's Corner
That Woman Over There Is Really a Man

In the last two years, I have been out so much with other crossdressers in public places that people's reactions have become predictable. While teenagers and tourists will gawk and make sotto voce remarks, nearly everyone else receives us without missing a beat.

I have no idea what goes through people's minds when they encounter us. Whether we are read has become irrelevant. What is clear is that the perception of us by most people in Portland is that nothing remarkable is going on. When I am out, I simply do not see many people leaning over and whispering to their companions and taking furtive glances in our direction. Waitstaff and salespersons seem as attentive as they are to everyone else, even more so, it seems to me in a lot of places. Most of the time the people who deal with us, we suspect, perceive that we are men dressed as women. So, if they do, do they care what we are? Do they notice us at all, being absorbed in their own lives as they are?

In Portland now we seem to be able to go almost anywhere. There may be some places off limits to us, but I have been surprised at how even women's restrooms have stopped being an issue. When we ask where the restroom is in most places, we are pointed toward the women's without a remark. Women who do not expect to see a man in the restroom seem at ease standing at the mirror next to me powdering my nose. Sometimes, I even get a little knowing smile aimed in my direction, as if she is saying, "Welcome to th club!"

I do not know to what extent this reaction is dependent upon our decorum. When we go to a restaurant, we are, of course, dressed tastefully, appropriate to the occasion. We do not draw attention to ourselves. We are just two or three women out together like any others. As long as we behave this way, perhaps these establishments feel we deserve to be treated the same, even if they know we are men going into the ladies restroom. What else are they going to do? How can they object to us, if no customer is bothered by our presence? They would be making a bigger fuss and disturbance than we cause ourselves.

Some of this lack of reaction is undoubtedly due to the talk shows and Dear Abby columns which have portrayed most crossdressers as just ordinary folks who have this need to dress as women. Also, places like Darcelle's and Embers and events like the Boo Ball and La Femme Magnifique have given straight Oregonians plenty of chance to get used to mingling with crossdressed men -- both drag queens and transvestites. The gay community's drive for acceptance has also undoubtedly heightened people's sensitivities to all sexual minorities. People simply do not see us -- crossdressers and gays an lesbians -- as weird anymore. We are the folks next door, the people- at the next desk at work, the person in line at Fred Meyer, who are just like everyone else except for our sexual preferences.

All this is so different from what I expected when I came out seven years ago, and it may not be simply my perception. I think things really have changed. People know what crossdressers are and are not phased by them now, where in many places a few years ago we might have caused a sensation.

One result of all this acceptance is that crossdressers with a little courage who can make a reasonable presentation in public do not need the umbrella of security that a crossdressers' club provides. Instead, the club may prove more valuable to provide services to crossdressers other than secure socializing. But even those services are increasingly being offered in mainstream places. Many makeup counters, like MAC cosmetics, are happy to serve male customers who want to learn how to make themselves up like females. Also women's clothing departments seem increasingly unphased by men shopping for women's clothes for themselves. Lately, when I have bought clothing, I have simply not made the effort to conceal that it is for me. I don't say anything about my crossdressing, but I sense the sales clerks know what is up and see no reason not to be just as helpful. My guess is that it will not be long before men will feel comfortable in some stores asking for fitting and style advice.

What these changes bode for the crossdressing community is difficult to predict. One consequence may be that clubs like the NWGA may wither unless they create a new reason for crossdressers to belong to them. Even though I feel I can go almost anywhere as Carolyn and get all the help I need in mainstream places, I still enjoy the socializing that goes on at club events. NWGA's efforts to make the club fun with lots more events should Start to pay off, but attendance at many of the recent events has been rather disappointing.

What happens if the clubs fail? Will crossdressers who are not a able to be out in public have nowhere else to go and be forced back into the closet? Will all crossdressers, regardless of their presentation skills, have to find social life Out in public and then possibly re-create the negative reaction to crossdressers in the public's mind? I hope not. We have made a lot of progress, girls. Let's not lose it now.