The Family Support Group
by Pat F.

We welcome letters and questions for those of you who are dealing with a transgendered person, but are unable to attend meetings. Let us know your questions, send a letter to NWGA, PO box 4928, Portland, OR 97208-4928 or to Trans-Port, PO Box 66913, Portland, OR 97208-4928.

Sunday, July 8th was a rainy day, so having the ladies in was a welcome change from getting wet. As always there were many subjects covered. No one knows how someone is going to take the news of a loved one being transgendered. My mother is old world German and I was fairly sure she would have a hard time swallowing the fact that her son-in-law is transgendered. I figured it was about time to tell her as Jamie is starting to look more feminine all the time. What I expected is what I got at first. I finally had to ask what she had against transgendered folk. She couldn't come up with an answer but did listen to what I had to say. She, like everyone else, thought transgendered meant gay. I decided to have a long talk with her about the "bees and bees." She wasn't sure of what I was saying when I told her that there is no sin to what you wear, and that you have to look past the clothing and look at the soul. She finally had to agree that what I was saying made total sense but still reserved judgment until several days later. She called to ask more questions that came to mind and finally conceded that Jim /Jamie are not bad nor are they selfish or rude. Jamie was always there whenever she needed something after my dad passed away. She apologized for being judgemental and we talked for quite awhile. She now has a better understanding of different lifestyles and cultures and decided to be more open to learning. She is almost 82 and still admits she has a lot to learn. Too bad more individuals can't come away with a similar perspective.

Another friend took her vacation and spent some time with her mother and had a long talk about her spouse. That conversation didn't fare as well. At this point in time, we are hoping for the best after time has passed and the learning process continues. Another friend told her mother and immediately got asked to leave, so there is no telling how someone is going to take the truth about children, grand-children, sister, or even brothers. The first reaction is always "Those people," when one tries to explain that "Those People" are still human beings, it is very hard to swallow at first and some never accept that fact. People are unpredictable and human so there is no predicting what another person will say or how they will react to this type of information.

Always remember to arm yourself with plenty of information before you embark on the task of telling your family members about gender issues. Try to select the person who will be your ally first, then you will have support when you bring the news to the rest of the family. If you have no one else, be knowledgeable so you are well equipped to answer all the questions which will be fired at you. If you talk like you are ashamed of your spouse, partner or yourself, then they will also follow your lead and be ashamed, too. Hold your head high and be proud that your spouse is so versatile. It's amazing how that will rub off and set the air for more discussion, hopefully positive.

We need more people to be involved in The Family/Women's Support Group. I know there are partners of crossdressers as well as other transgenderists who are not at all comfortable but are too unwilling to let anyone know for fear of ridicule. Don't let what others think cloud the fact that you need and want to learn more.

We are here for you to talk with and we might even learn a thing or two from you. That is what a support group is all about, 'growing in knowledge.

The meetings are always on the second Sunday of each month from 1:30PM to 3:30PM. Coffee and Tea are provided.

Also, if you want to rent anything from the library, call ahead and make arrangements so we can have the items you want available. There is a deposit equal to the cost of the book or tape plus a rental fee of $2.00.

Call the Hot lines for location of each month's meeting:
NWGA: 640-2802 or Transport: 774-8463.