I am a 43 year old transvestite who recently came out of the closet. I have been happily married for 21 years and decided (for no explainable reason) that this was the best time of my life to deal with my crossdressing persona. As I read Ms. Fenton's article, she pushes several buttons that I feet compelled that I must respond.

First of all, I didn't ask to be this way (God only knows why I am), and I am sure her husband didn't ask to be this way either. Both my wife and I are trying to deal with it the best that we can. Yes; I'll read "Cosmo" and on occasion, I may even be guilty of trying to personify the "Bimbo's" she relates to in her article. The difference is, she has had all of her 39 years as a woman to form these opinions and to deal with the social and ideological issues of being a woman. I respect that, but I haven't been given these same opportunities. I am only just now trying to learn the full meaning of being a woman.

I do not appreciate anything that is "demeaning" to women, nor do I appreciate anything demeaning to other groups, including Transvestites. But give the transgendered a break! All we are trying to do, is live out our lives, and find a balance between our forced mate life expectations and the female life we wish we could fully experience. You state that what we feel is a "twisted piece of karma"??? This is not a hobby, or a game that we are playing, this is real. All that I, and the thousands of us out there want, is a little understanding and an attempt by the "normal" community to be accepted.

My "fantasy" may be to wear makeup and have hair & nails like "Cindy Crawford." But what I am experiencing is not fantasy at all It's real, and it won't go away. You've had the chance to experience these things. How else can I team to deal with my inner most emotions, if I can't be allowed to experience them as a real woman, or, to make the same mistakes, or, to form the same opinions that you have. Maybe some of us will come to terms with the Transvestite personality and what it means to really be a woman. But, not just by observing, hearing, or reading about it, but while attempting to live it.

You say that we are trying to "mock" your existence. Don't you understand, that if given the opportunity, we would give anything to share the full female experience. That's the real issue. We want to experience everything it means to be female. And, while stuck in the male stereotyped, football screaming, expectations of life, we will never be given that opportunity. (I hate football, in fact on Superbowl Sunday, I am going to go out wearing a cheerleader's outfit just as a form of rebellion).

Women like yourself should try to help us understand. Don't shoot us down just because we want to wear makeup, have curly hair, or look sexy in a dress. We want to be a part of your experience, appreciate your needs, and most of all, empathize with the female experience. We're not trying to exploit your "turf," just trying to be part of it. What better person, than a genetic male, enlightened to the female world is there to gain a true understanding of the best and worst aspects of the female experience.

Yes, I talk about this situation with my wife and others who are understanding. But none of you can fully relate to what I am going through or trying to deal with. I am a man hoping to experience everything there is about womanhood. What could be more frustrating? Dressed enfemme I go shopping in malls and some people try to figure out what or who I am, and that's just fine. Transvestites are stuck in the middle with few role models except people like "Rue Paul" (God help us) to guide us. Even the gay community gets better press than that. "Help us" I ask, put yourself in our shoes. If my wife came home today wishing she could dress up like a football star, yes, I would be concerned. But because I am transgendered, I would also try to help her understand and fully appreciate what it means to be this way. We should all be talking about it more, and I know that S.O.s need to work with, and better understand the issue at hand. But the transgendered need to be able to learn from the people around us.

Please don't have me live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. I'm not an ''airhead.'' ''What does it mean to be a woman," you ask. I am still learning, and I am hoping that more understanding genetic females will help me find the answers. I know the answers are not in "Cosmo," or in the T&A excerpts of Entertainment Tonight. The answers will reside in being afforded the opportunity to share in the female experience with those who are understanding and willing enough to allow us in.

Your comments are appreciated: LanetteTV~AOL.Com

This article reprinted from Chi Delta Mu Newsletter dated January 1997.