Not to mention the talent show! I could "strut my stuff" in the midst of all that opulence. Maybe a rich producer would hear me sing, like my look, and I would be discovered! At any rate, I hawked the kids' education, shopped till I dropped at the thrift stores, and boarded the "Legend of the Seas" with thirteen other crossdressers, seven significant others, and four adult female children. Of course there were other passengers too, about 2000 of them, totally unsuspecting that the likes of us were on board. It was a wonderful week! There was only one night when I had that "all dressed up and nowhere to go feeling" Little did I know that on that night I would make first contact with a friend who would help make the long awaited Saturday talent show very special for me.
It all began at the line dancing lessons in the Anchors Aweigh lounge on the fourth night of the cruise. I decided to try a few steps and was immediately lost except for the blonde haired gal with two forward mounted pony tails who hollered out personalized instructions to me. "One..two..three, turn..two.. three, back..two..three." Like a lighthouse keeper guiding a small ship through treacherous rocks, she kept me on the floor for at least half a song. Then I retired to my lounge chair, not wanting my high heeled open-toed feet to be trampled by some over zealous line dancer.
Later she came to our table, and I realized from her staff pin that she was one of the Wave Review dancers whose Vegas- like performance was so magnificent several nights earlier. We spoke of costumes and dancing shoes, and of her growing up in England, and, that I was going to sing in the talent show.
Our conversation was interrupted when Peggy and Melanie encouraged me to ask the country band if I could join them for a song. They redirected me to the sound man who said, "Come back tomorrow night after the last event, bring your background tapes and we'll do a few tunes."
I did not think of the English dancer until the review show the next night. Again, I was knocked out by the whole production, especially the dancers whose gorgeous smiles looked so great and who moved so magnificently.
"Which one is the English gal," I wondered? She said she wears two inch heels and the other female dancers wear three inch, but on stage I could not tell the difference. It was like watching the shell game and trying to find the pea. I would lock on what looked like a pair of two inch heels only to lose them in a sea of moving shoes! Besides all the dancers looked so beautiful and so similar under the lights, and none of them looked particularly like the gal I spoke to the evening before.
"Lets go back stage," I said to my roomie and off we went only to be stopped by the stage manager who was naturally protective of his computer assisted scenery changing equipment.
"We want to see the English dancer," I said, "to congratulate her on a great show."
"Charr..lie," he called in a friendly, but slightly impatient way. Out she came. It was the same voice, but the face was hidden behind monster eye lashes top and bottom, black outline around her over painted lips, and blush that looked like it had been applied with a roller.
"So this is where the drag queens get it from," I thought as I studied and marvelled at the precision of her makeup, that on stage made her look so wonderfully expressive. We chatted briefly and I told her I was going to do a few songs as a warm up for the talent show on Friday in the Anchors Aweigh lounge. I wanted to test out my somewhat croaky voice and get a feel for the sound of the room. She said she would try to be there.
Friday night rolled around and I left the "That's Entertainment Theatre" early and went down one deck below to catch the sound man at the end of his last event, tape in hand ready to do a few songs for our little crossdressed group that would arrive shortly. In the meantime, I was seated with some of the other female Review dancers and singers who grilled me in a "so who the hell are you?" fashion about my performing career. I felt mostly intimidated by them, but also somewhat included, as the new girl who takes a few verbal shots as part of the initiation. Then Charlie joined us and I felt immediately more comfortable.
I sang a couple of songs, was not particularly inspired by my performance, though grateful for the kind remarks of some of our group that had not heard me before, and basically chalked it up as a completed test lap. On the way out, my spirits were lifted by Charlie who out of the blue offered to do my makeup for the talent show. "Oh, yes!" I thought, "I'll get to wear those big lashes, and maybe I'll look like the awesome Wave Review girls!" We also found out that the talent show had been moved from the lounge to the That's Entertainment Theatre, the plush leather seated, state of the art theatre with the immaculate sound system and the powerful stage lighting. I would meet Charlie at 2:00pm at the theatre during the talent show rehearsal. Since she was going to do my makeup, I had been in male mode. I sat in the front with eight other guests who would be in the show. One by one we had our turn with the 3-piece band. Charlie was poking her head out from behind the curtain, watching the rehearsal. I was listening to the wonderful voice of one of the female contestants, and it dawned on me that Charlie did not recognize me. She only knew Jill! I tried to wave, but could not catch her eye. Between performers I jumped up on stage and reintroduced myself to her.
After the usual surprise, we sat and discussed makeup until it was my turn to rehearse.
I was a little concerned, about singing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" while dressed as a male; and some of the men watching the rehearsal seemed a little reserved watching me doing Marilyn dips and cooing in a sexy female voice, but generally it went well and I got a nice response especially from some of the women present. I felt good, like a real artist. It is not often that Jim gets the credit for Jill's work!
Charlie would do my makeup at 4:00pm. I put on my foundation and one of my not yet worn cruising outfits and walked the distance to the theatre. My roomie kept me company which helped me feel less strange about having a blank face. Charlie arrived and we headed back stage. If there is a place onboard that was neglected by the interior designers its back stage on the "Legends of the Sea"
There are no washrooms, no running water, one lousy wall mirror with terrible lighting positioned in a narrow passage way. Try to do your lip liner while someone is rushing past you carrying an armful of costumes! Compare this to the perfectly lighted three way mirrors in every women's washroom abundantly located on each deck. However, I did not have to do much. Charlie did it all except my lip line, and that she enlarged with a brown eyeliner pencil. This is definitely the way to prepare for a show; have someone gently apply your makeup while you relax and drift in inner bliss to the sweep of soothing brush strokes and the touch of soft hands. Much better than toiling bent over a makeup mirror, watching the clock tick away, and your blood pressure rise as you redo your eye liner for the third time.
My first look in the mirror was a surprise, but I got used to it quickly, especially when I put on my blonde wig and white dress. Not the most attractive thing close-up, but I had seen how good the Review girls looked from the tenth row of the theatre, and I had little difficulty imagining how this would look on me from that distance.
The attractive and verbally gifted cruise director was to be the master of ceremonies. Charlie told me that all the contestants were to sit together in the front row. "You mean I can't do a grand stage entrance, with my new never seen before look," I said with eyes lashed and large enough to cry the biggest crocodile tears? She argued my case and I was permitted to stay back stage until my number. I wanted the audience to get the full impact of Jill, the blond bombshell! The band struck up some intro music and the cruise director began by announcing that all the contestants would win their respective category and that the audience would shout out "and the winner is..."
"A nice touch, I thought, take the competition out and everyone can relax and enjoy the show!"
The first act was a cowboy poet, to which the band added some great country licks, followed by two wonderful female singers. "Oh, they sound too good," I thought! Then came a comedian who kept being attacked by his stuffed racoon. I was next! I don't remember how she introduced me. Like a runner in the starting blocks, I was focused on that first step. Tummy in, back flat, concentrate on the lower spine and move those hips around. After delivering my first line, I could see the response on the faces in the audience! Lots of smiles, especially on female and crossdressed faces. "Oh, yes! This is going to work," I thought. Something about blonde hair, just makes me want to strut!
Between the second and third verses of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" there is about 10 seconds of instrumental and I decided to use that time to come off the stage and look for a receptive male lap to sit on. Unfortunately, none of the men in the aisle I chose, looked comfortable enough for a little visit. So back to the stage I ran to finish the song. "Ooooh, they liked that," I thought, as the audience went into applause mode. Then the cruise director launched into her post performance interview, that I had listened to four times before from back stage.
"Oh, oh, I thought, now she is going to ask me for all those biographical details that we crossdressers try to avoid, like where do you live, and what do you do for a living?" "Please Madame MC", I prayed silently, "I am on a fantasy cruise, this boat will take me back to Vancouver soon enough, don't you take me back now!" I was excited and determined to stay in character. I waited for the question to hit.
"You're sure no stranger to the stage," she said.
"Oh, that's not so hard to handle," I thought. "That's true," I said, "and you know, I'm getting stranger all the time."
"You have obviously trained your voice, do you take singing lessons?"
"Well, I used to...from an old opera singer."
"Do you sing opera now?"
"No?" I said with a bewildered blonde expression.
"I hear you had some help with your makeup from the Wave Review"
"Oh yes!" I replied, happy to put in a plug for my new friend. "Cosmetics for my performance are by...Charlie";
She announced me as winner of the lifeboat line crasher category and I tried my best to do the Miss America surprised ecstatic look and bowed my head for her assistant to put the blue ribboned Royal Caribbean medal around my neck. He approached me timidly, and managed to get the ribbon caught in my heavily hairsprayed blonde wig. He hesitated to push it down, so I bent lower and gave my rear end a wiggle to help it over my head. Medal secured, I did my final wave and exited stage left.
After the show I was all aflutter, enjoying the kind words of audience members and ready for a little drink in the Schooner bar. While waiting for dinner in the lounge, fellow passengers began asking me if they could take my picture. Before long I was the centre of an hour long photo session with flash cameras going off from every direction! This was the moment when a whole week of gradually getting to know our crossdressing group, coupled with my new Hollywood star accessability culminated in an outpouring of interest. "Oooh, yes, I don't mind this at all," I said to myself, posing for another picture. I wore my stage outfit well into the evening, soaking up all the attention that was offered.
In one too short week, we had evolved from curiosities to acceptable shipmates to welcomed celebrities underneath the friendly Alaskan sky. One couple said to me as we were scurrying to our cabins to get our bags packed before the 3:00am deadline, "When we get back home and tell our friends about the cruise, we will talk about meeting the crossdressers, before we mention sighting the humpback whales!