Vanessa Kaye wrote in the November 1997 Sooner Belle about carving a canoe out of a birch tree. When asked how this was done, the answer was "...start with a nice straight log, then you carve away everything that isn't a canoe." She goes on to say that "I am, however, advocating that we concentrate on removing the extra layers that prevent the true femme expression."

Where does MY path lie? Twice I have been "en femme" in a mall and heard the statement "That's a man in a dress" from a youthful girl, both times to her male companion. Is it so bad to be a man in a dress? I am proud to be a male. I treasure the activities in which I was able to participate because I am a male. I don't know when the first time I tried on a feminine article of apparel was. I only know that I enjoyed it and had to do it again. Perhaps this is the first stage of crossdressing. This may be as far as some people want or need to go. Why should we shame them by telling them that they MUST develop feminine attitudes and mannerisms? If they go out into public they can present an image to the public that others would prefer they didn't, but are they responsible for us or to us?

As time went by, I ventured out of my small closet into a larger one which included a local club. It was my choice to expand my horizons. At this stage, most of what I heard about was "passing". There was so much to learn. Makeup, hair, nails, mannerisms, walking, etc. Passing, to me, meant the ability to separate my male and female attributes so that I could select either one and be able "to fool" others that that was my actual persona.

I eventually learned that "passing" was not only hopeless but also unnecessary. I had learned as a little boy to be polite, courteous and (somewhat) considerate of others. I found myself applying the same considerations to my femme self. If I took care to present myself as a neat, clean, considerate person, I seemed to be accepted as such. In a recent article I stated that twice in one day I had been addressed as a "lady". I don't know that the person making that statement believed that I was a "lady", but that they were willing to accept the image which I was trying to present was sufficient for me.

As my trip through genderland has progressed, I find that I tend to be more empathetic and more emotional. Many books which I have read say that a major problem women have with men is that the women want their male to listen sympathetically but all their male wants to do is solve their problem. I find that often I now just want to share a situation and have someone listen rather than have proposed solutions handed to me.

I have a difficult time, when at crossdressing meetings, of deciding whether I should mention to the girl in a mini seated near me that her thighs are at a 90 degree angle and that modesty and decorum are absolutely absent. Does she care? Would she appreciate the observation in a constructive way? Is this unfeminine position of any importance to her? If she wishes to work on her presentation I am doing her a disfavor by not mentioning it. If she doesn't care about her presentation, I only antagonize her.

Vanessa goes on to say, "I am, however, advocating that we concentrate on removing the extra layers that prevent the true femme expression." The true femme expression exits only within your realm and only for yourself. I have never met Linda or Vanessa Kaye. I have read many of their articles and have the upmost respect for them, what they do and what they have achieved. I aspire to many ideals and practices which they have already achieved. I hope they keep sharing in the community as long as they live.

In my current stage, I go to conventions. I go to restaurants for dinner. I do some things and go some places. Often I get butterflies before an outing. Sometimes I get stressed by the outing. The current bottom line is that I like to dress en femme and I like to go out and be seen en femme. I also like to go and do as a male. Time will tell where my journey takes me from here, but of one thing I am sure - IT WILL BE INTERESTING.

The new or inexperienced gender traveler has a great need for situations, experiences and people to provide a data base for the decisions he makes. I thank Linda and Vanessa for the time and effort they expend. I offer my comments not in opposition, but as just another opinion which may be available to be consulted.