So I muddled through my life, coping as best I could but never feeling like I really belonged. Everyone else thought highly of me. I was academically gifted - school was a breeze. I was atheletically above average - I won high school letters in football and track. I was considered popular - I held several elected offices throughout grade and high school.

I went to college, graduated and was commissioned as a 2/Lt in the USAF. I went to pilot training and earned my wings. During all of this time, the need/desire to cross-dress was not particularly strong or the episodes long lasting.

I was assigned to Vietnam for a year where I cross-dressed regularly. I have since talked with people in the navy who crossdressed on ships - an impossible task when no one has any privacy - but they did it!

I returned home from Vietnam and "outed" myself to my wife. Her first reaction was to close all of the shades and drapes in the apartment. During counselling prior to our divorce years later, she stated that she didn't remember that event.

I made up my mind that if I ever got serious with another lady, I would tell her of my needs and let her make an informed decision on whether or not to continue our relationship.

Crossdressing became a larger part of my life in the 70's. I got an address for the Sacramento Gender Association from some talk show. I wrote to them and it seemed like forever before they responded. They referred me to a group in Houston, I don't remember now just which group it was. I wrote to them and got a beautifully written note in return that said they would love to have me join them but that there was a group in Dallas!

I contacted Samantha, she sent me some material and invited me to attend a meeting. In those days the meetings were held at the Marriot off of Stemmons Freeway (It no longer exists).

I have gone from never stepping out of doors to getting into situations which I have written about on various occasions.

I have several reasons for writing this article. The first is to let anyone out there with a similar background know that they are not alone. The next, and in my view, more important is to tell everyone to proceed at their own pace. DO NOT LET ANYONE PUSH YOU FARTHER OR FASTER THAN THE POINT WHERE YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE. By the same token, when you find that your are not the only crossdresser in the world and find things to do and places to go - proceed with moderation. You can easily ruin the rest of your life by proceeding too far or too fast.

When some people find out about the existence of the gender community, they leap into it for all they are worth. They may spend a fortune on clothes, makeup, jewelry, reading materials, etc. It takes up ALL of their time and everything else suffers. Their job and family situations often descend to desperate situatons.

You may have dealt with your issues for your whole life but it is all brand new and confusing to your spouse, children, family, etc. Give them time to adjust - if they must know at all, and I am a firm advocate of telling at least your spouse. It is your decision as to whom you should tell -don't let anyone else make the decision for you. Listen, really listen, to different positions on various issues and evaluate how you can apply these positions to you.

In a recent issue of our club newsletter the editor stated something to the effect that "not all of us are as daring as Diane". Some of our members are much more adventuresome than I, others less. I have traveled my road for many years at my own speed. Make your own decisions as to current goals and work towards them - but don't press. Goals and situations change and you can change yours.

A met a wonderful lady a few years ago. I soon told her I wore female clothing. I gave her the opportunity to see me dressed in a private and safe location. Her first words on seeing me "en femme" for the first time were, "You're pretty". We have grown together from there. It hasn't been easy for either of us.

I have grown to the point where I recognize that she married a male and wants time with that male. The most recent article I have written talks about a trip to Colorado. In that article, unlike others I have written before, I didn't go into great detail on femme clothes selection, dressing details and so forth. What I really didn't say was the both the male and femme personnas went on that vacation with Desiree. On some days the male personna and Desiree' explored and some days Diane and Desiree' explored. It was better for both of us to be able to experience all aspects of the relationship. One day Desiree' even proposed that the next day we both get all dressed up "en femme" and go into Denver for dinner.

I believe that she is learning to accept me and that I am learning to accept that she is learning to accept me. We shop for clothes and both of us are on the look-out for outfits that we think the other might like. I assist at home by doing laundry, ironing, dishwashing, some cleaning, and other things regardless of what clothes I may be wearing. We both have problems with "thinking what the other is thinking" at times. Honest discussions are the only way to resolve these areas.

I know all of the reasons for not wanting to tell your spouse about your crossdressing. You are hiding a significant part of who you really are when you do this. Fear of financial loss, isolation from friends and family, and divorce are just a few of the reasons many people stay in the closet. On the other side of the coin is a wonderful, exciting world in which you can share who you are and what you like with other caring individuals. Your current friends and family may just fit into this new "other" group. In this respect, maybe I was brave. I decided that I was unwilling to live MY life as a service to what other people wanted me to be for them. Be sure what you want before you leap, however, because there is no going back!

If you moderate your desires to cross-dress and allow both of your personalities to react in your relationships, I believe that you will be a happier individual and those around you will be happier also.