For those of us whose families are, as far as we are aware, ignorant of our crossdressing, I'm quite certain that being able to share our secret and have it accepted is a dream; whilst being found out and being rejected as a consequence is a perennial nightmare. The First instance that I can recall dressing must have been when I was about nine years old. It was my sister's best pink party frock. Since then I've "given it up" for periods, only to have something trigger the need. I was going through one of my suppression phases when I met my wife. This lasted throughout the three years of our engagement while I studied at evening classes for my professional exams, and even the first year of our marriage. I stopped again six years later when our daughter was born, only to start again when I had to visit Newcastle on business and spotted a pair of high heels in my size and in a sale. Across the road there was a dress shop selling larger sizes, with quite an attractive dress in the window. "If", I thought, "I was to start dressing again, what would I need, and how much would it cost? How much could I afford to my credit card? Could I get everything I need? I've seen some shoes and a dress. The wig. That's the critical item. I'll bet there isn't anywhere local where I could get a wig, and if there is, I'll bet the total cost of everything would be more than I can afford to spend." I Found a coffee shop and made a list of things I'd need. Dress, shoes, wig. tights, bra, panties, handbag, purse, makeup, cleanser. Then I went around the shops pricing everything. Because of sales I managed to find everything and stay within my budget. I know I did, because I started dressing again. My job at this time gave me plenty of opportunities for dressing, with business trips around the country. Then disaster struck. I lost my job, and with it the opportunity to dress. Perhaps it was a punishment I packed up all of my feminine apparel and dumped it. I'll beat this thing, I thought. That was In 1984. Six years later, we had a competition in our village and, as we were expected to dress up for the final's night, the wife of one of the other members of our team suggested we dress as women. I put up nominal resistance to the idea, but finally agreed to do it If the others did.

Most of the clothes could probably be found for us, but I knew that none of the wives took my size in shoes, and I also knew I would have serious difficulty finding any in our village. In the following week I headed for the local town, and purchased a suitable pair. At least I would be ready if the idea went ahead. As it happened, one of the other team members flatly refused to dress up, so the opportunity to dress, and let my wife and daughter see me, was lost.

Needless to say, the shoes were soon followed by other items, and it wasn't long before I was dressing completely again, As both my wife and daughter had been very keen to see me dressed, it was possible that they would accept my crossdressing, but there is a very big difference between dressing up for a laugh, and crossdressing.

By 1994, my business was in dire straits with mounting debts, and I took on some tempting work during the summer to supplement my other work. This assignment lasted rather longer than the anticipated 2-3 weeks, and led to me being offered a contract on the next project in North Wales. I jumped at the opportunity. It would of course, involve me living away from home and, in order to maximize overtime earnings, would prevent me from getting home very often. My wife is happy with the extra income, and the chance to clear off some of our debts. I'm currently living in a caravan. My wife is in our house in Cambridgeshire, and our daughter is at university. Which means I can virtually dress as and when I wish, At least that was until the May Day bank holiday weekend!

I had planned to take advantage of the volume of work to do some heavy overtime over the weekend, and on the Monday. I started early on Saturday morning, and finished mid-afternoon. I had spoken to my wife on the phone during the morning, and although she was sorry I wouldn't be home, she appreciated the reasons why. Bock back at the caravan I sorted out my clothes for the evening and, after a few chores, went for a shower. By 6 I was ready to leave, having completed most of my dressing and make-up, with just my lipstick, wig, shoes and nails to put on. A jacket and trousers, joggers and sunglasses hid everything from a casual glance, and I made my way to a rest area to complete dressing. I put on my wig, finished my make-up, applied my nails and put on some jewelry. Then was on my way to Manchester, about an hours drive away.

I had an excellent meal in the Blue Cafe and walked round to Paddy's Goose. It was a relatively quiet evening, with a number of regulars missing. It was still a pleasant evening, but I decided to have a reasonably early night, and headed back to my caravan. I stopped on the way back to remove my make-up and wig and stuff, and slipped a pair of trousers and the jacket on again. Being a holiday weekend, the site was quite full, and it wasn't until I was actually at my caravan that I saw an unexpected mini there, my wife's! As I got to the caravan door it opened, and my wife was there with my make-up bag.

"I think you've got some explaining to do," she said. "So where is she? I can even smell her perfume on you. Had an argument have you, because she was obviously going to spend the night here," as she held up a black nightie that had been lying on the bed.

"It's not what you think," I replied "although you might prefer your assumption to have been correct."

"What's that supposed to mean?" "Well. you've found some things, and you are assuming that I'm having an affair."

"What other explanation is there, and don't try some story about lending it to a friend for a bit of the other, because I won't believe you!"

I took a deep breath. "I'm not having an affair, the items you've found all belong to me, I'm a crossdresser."

She looked at me. "I assume you've been out this evening? So where did you go? And what did you get up to? Do you go with men? God, what a mess!"

"Yes, I've been out this evening in Manchester. No, I don't go with men. I had a meal, caught up with some friends, who are gay and straight, and I'm not going to have the op!"

"I think I need a drink, what have you got?"

"Only tea and coffee, I'm afraid.

"Coffee will have to do then."

I filled the kettle and started getting the coffee and cups out, the questions continued.

"How long have you been doing this? Why couldn't you tell me about it? How much have you spent on it? What makes you do It? Have you any photographs of yourself? I answered as best I could, and showed her some photos taken in Paddy's Goose.

"This is you? I don't believe it! You're not going to tell me these are all crossdressers, and who are these women?"

"Those two are wives of other crossdressers, and they are friends, just friends." I finished making the coffee, and gave her one.

"Aren't you hot in that jacket?" Then realization dawned. "My God, you're still dressed aren't you? Well, let's see you in your glory then!"

I went out to the car, and collected my things. Back in the caravan I picked up my make-up bag, and made up my face. As she watched me Joan was astounded. "You really are good at that. No wonder you kept moaning at me to hurry up."

I continued to get ready, putting on my jewelry and wig, then after taking off the jacket and trousers, I slipped on my high heels. And there I was, smoothing down the skirt of my dress while my wife stared in amazement.

"I don't know what to say. When I found everything, I was convinced you were having an affair, In fact I was about to leave when you arrived back. Then I had visions of something ugly when you said you were a crossdresser, until I saw the photographs, and even then I wasn't convinced. But you look great. I am very hurt that you couldn't tell me before, although I can understand why you felt you couldn't, but I can also see how it relaxes you."

"So, where do we go from here?"

"I'm going to come with you tonight and meet some of your friends. You all seem to be having far more fun than me down in Cambridgeshire. And I'm not letting you alone with these women, friends or not. It would seem that your dressing is here to stay. so I'm obviously going to have to learn to handle it. It won't be easy, and there'll be problems, but nothing we can't overcome. Now, there's a fantasy of mine that you can help we with. so get out of that dress and get over here!"

It was a dream come true! Then the alarm went off.

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