If I sound bilious, it's because am. Let me calm down a bit and explain why I'm writing this. I am 39 years old, and about two decades ago, I made a decision to reject some of the feminine accouterments that I found, to dust off a phrase from the 60's, demeaning women. I'm talking about heavy make-up, unnaturally curly hair, nails long enough to impact dexterity, shoes two sizes too small, starving oneself thin, and so on. (What a twisted piece of karma gave me a husband who wears high heels is beyond me, but I can't help but see the humor in it..) I'm not saying I'm anything other than a product of my times, but the point is that I came to believe that while clothes make the man, they sure as heck don't make the woman. It really upsets me to see someone I love actively embracing the very aspects of femininity that I find trivial and silly, while at the same time making statements about getting in touch with his female nature.

Granted, I don't expect to find my husband poring over "The Second Sex", but I'd be happy if he (and some of the rest of you CD ladies) would give a little more thought about what it means to be female. Femininity is a complex stew of attitudes, emotions, mannerisms, hormones, physique, mystique, strategies, actions and reactions - I can understand the fascination with it. You're going to have to study harder if you want to understand what makes us tick. Now, I understand that to realize this fantasy, you have to put on lots of make-up, do your nails and hair, wear a dress, adopt exaggerated mannerisms, and so on. That's fine. But please don't tell me that doing so transforms you into a more feminine being. If you're going to say that (and perhaps not all CDs do), then show me some evidence. Show me some compassion, some communications skills, a heightened sense of aesthetics, some emotional adroitness - something! If you can't please don't claim to have crossed any gender boundaries; you're just a guy in a dress. And for God's sake, if you must emulate a woman, don't be a bimbo.

Don't read Cosmo and prattle on at length about nail polish and stockings. If you do, please don't do it around me. I have other things to think about. Don't talk to me about the Imperial Court (gender celebration) and then - as my husband made the grave mistake of doing - tell me my work for abortion rights is pointless. I'm sorry to sound so hard-hearted. Perhaps, I should show a little more compassion myself. But I'm writing this partly as an exercise in catharsis. Sometimes it's easier for me to write something down than to say it out loud. More importantly though, I hope I can at least begin to express some of the frustrations many wives or girlfriends might be experiencing. I can only speak for myself, of course, but I have talked to a number of partners of transvestite men, and several of them have mentioned the same annoyance at men thinking they can enter "our turf' It's not that easy to articulate, but I feel you're mocking my gender by focusing your attention on aspects of appearance and manner that (some) men find attractive and another, don't attend discussion sessions or support groups, or even talk about these issues with their close friends. It must be very hard for, these women, and it's up to you to try and dispel some of their frustrations, anger and feelings of helplessness. Here's a request. Perhaps some of you could write to this newsletter, giving your opinions on "what it means to be a woman. I, for one, would be interested in what you think and I bet a lot of other women would be, too. Thank you for reading my tirade. I feel better already