While I read the note, I thought of the possibility that she might have been unaware of her brother's lifestyle and that she would have been shocked to learn of it. To find out that he was not exactly like other men over and above the grief of losing her beloved brother would have been great. Too much grief for many people. Those thoughts, and the knowledge that the same thing could happen to my own loved ones started me thinking of how to prepare for the inevitable

Most of us carry life insurance to provide money for our loved ones when that day comes. Yet, how many of us plan for their peace of mind as well? How many of us have a wardrobe, books and other objects secreted away that would certainly be discovered upon our death? How many of us are on publishers shipping lists with periodicals like Trans gender/Tapestry and Gender Euphoria coming in.

"Who cares.", some may say, "My wife knows all about me." or "I'm single, I don't have to worry." Well, unless you are completely open to the world about being a crossdresser, it is time to think about mental insurance for your loved ones. They may know but the world does not. - So, let me tell you my plan.

At the time of my friend's death, I was working away from home and had an extensive female wardrobe in my apartment. At that time I was active in Delta Omega so I went and asked the Secretary that in the even of my demise, to go or have someone go to my apartment, gain admission from the office and remove my femme things. At that same time I advised the apartment management of the arrangement telling them only that the individuals were authorized to go into the apartment and retrieve articles that were rightfully theirs. In addition, I made a list of crossdressing periodicals that I was receiving at the time and asked the Secretary to notify the publishers to stop delivery. That done, I felt I was ready.

Sometime later during a discussion about my crossdressing my wife popped a question saying, "What would you do if I were to die tonight?". She was speaking of herself, and was looking for some sort of reassuring answer. I responded instead with, "What would you do if I died?" She immediately, realized what I meant and was very concerned. Our children, who do not know of my crossdressing, would be sure to descend upon the apartment to take everything and terminate the lease. In the process they would be sure to find my wardrobe. That worried my wife most of all.

When, I told her of the arrangements I had made and gave her the Delta Omega hot line number to call if I passed away, she relaxed a bit knowing that "our secret" would probably remain so.

Since then, I've retired and returned home but the basic plan hasn't changed. I have told my wife where everything is at home, my P.O. Box number and it's location. She will have the burden of disposing of those things she'd rather not see herself but I've given her the power to keep "our secret", a secret. To me, and to her, it is mental insurance.

Each of us has a unique need. My plan may not work for everyone, but a plan, any plan will help assure that "your secret" remains a secret, forever.

Cho-Cho

Lifelines, October 1996