There is a commonalty to our metamorphosis from man to something else along the gender continuum. Lots of similarities in feelings and experience should make our stories repetitive and boring. Yet they are unique and bear telling if only to flesh out the picture of who we really are individually and as a group.

It took me forty eight years to acknowledge the rightful place of my female spirit. This spirit known only to me for most of those years was dormant but hardly ignored. I'd always felt that the time would come when she and we would fly.

A very unoriginal Halloween party scenario cliche worked beautifully to out Bernadette. After the party as we were getting ready for bed, my wife Linda remarked how astounded she was that I got so loose, dressing up and actually enjoying it, (you know, for such a tight ass). Timing is so important, gulp, this was it. I told her about wanting to do this for so long, just been afraid to tell her. She was puzzled, she thought it bizarre but not threatening. I hadn't expected her to be so reasonable but should have known better. She said, "I love YOU for whatever YOU are, who knows maybe that's why you are special." These are words we all need to hear from someone. Linda urged me to seek the company of others and find out about myself.

Her encouragement led to a call to our S.G.A. and Ava's welcome to attend a meeting. This was a tenuous first step but a precipitous one, there could be no going back now - not to repression or a closeted existence.

At first, being out seemed a remote possibility, available to the reckless and unattached. However, like so many things in life, ya just gotta do it! Just be careful what you ask for because you get what you really want. I know I'm fortunate to have the support of my spouse of twenty-five years, my seven children, my siblings and many life-long friends. Almost always in telling them about Bernadette we move from mystification to laughter at us funny humans to loving acceptance. Of course I EXPECT that they'll still love me, my duality makes me a better person and my willingness to explore engenders admiration. Everyone correctly assumes that this can't be easy. On the plus side, as we bring our personal feelings and collective ambitions out to play, we are finding out how good it can be. It's just hard to ignore that huge smile on my face, on many of our faces.

It is our time, everyone of us makes a difference, sort of tipping the scales one at a time. My experiences of the last eighteen months in transition have been so rewarding - so many interesting people, so much new stuff. I'm not finding many answers just better questions and leaping-off points. We are creating a new culture, unlike the unconscious one we didn't totally buy into, one that is conscious, tolerant and loving, one that helps us all to be better people. There is endless paradox and dilemma, but it's awash in joy and humor.

In closing I just wanted to say that we as a group need to keep our expectations high, in family and personal relationships, in employment situations, with one another, with the dominant culture that understands us too little. We are winning acceptance. It starts with you, acceptance ya know? Honor that elf inside and keep smiling.