This is a topic that comes up often among our members and how one handles it varies greatly from one person to the next. I'm talking about going out in public "dressed" and the associated risk of getting "read"

This is not an essay on how to "pass"; rather, I'm writing about the significance of being "read" and how one can deal with it.

First, I have to lay down a fundamental truth: No matter how good you look, act, talk, walk, dress, etc., you WILL eventually be "read". For some, this may be a very rare occurrence; for others, it may happen frequently. Since the majority of our members enjoy venturing out "en femme" beyond the confines of their homes and meeting sites, the public "discovery" aspect must be treated as a minor irritation and not as an impediment. Of course, some common sense is required. I would advise against going to any place where one could face physical hostility, such as a rowdy bar filled with "redneck" types. However, most places, such as restaurants or shopping centers, are quite safe. The worst reactions that one could expect in places of these types are likely to be only frowns or snickering.

For most of us, our enjoyment of these public journeys is dependent upon the relaxation level we attain with the surrounding environment. Knowing that we could be "read" at any moment can be considered a problem or it can be considered part of the solution. That is, if we put a huge emphasis on passing successfully, our stress on being discovered is considerably high and the venture would be deemed a "failure" if just one person "reads" us. On the other hand, if we accept that the chance of being "read" is real, and that it really doesn't matter if it happens, then our stress level is low and the enjoyment of the experience is much likelier. And or course, a relaxed person isn't likely to attract as much negative attention as a nervous person.

One member I know has a very positive attitude when she goes out. Even when the people she encounters realize what's going on (she doesn't change her voice), they usually react in a very friendly manner due to her warm and open demeanor. And of course, she always seems to have a good time! Speaking for myself, it took a while for me to come around to this philosophy. I still feel a little concerned when I think someone knows, but I'm learning (gradually) not to care. With all the TGs on talk shows nowadays, many people are expecting to bump into one almost everyday. It's really not a big deal anymore. Don't get me wrong, keep trying your best when out, just don't get hung up on "always passing".

A final note: try to dress in a way that isn't offensive. You know, with some taste. That way, if someone "reads" you, that person will realize that what you're doing isn't a dumb joke and that it's important to you.