The Meaning Of Support
by Miranda Stevens

Something happened at the last meeting that made me quite sad. I had met a newcomer before the meeting started, a lovely person with beautified smooth cheeks, and a warm winning smile. I had little time to talk with her, but I knew that I wanted to get to know her better. I looked forward to resuming our conversation after the meeting. Well, that conversation never happened. She was so disenchanted with our meeting that she just got up and left during the "discussion of the new by-laws.

I've been thinking a lot about that incident since then. What is our group all about? What is the meaning of support? Why do so many newcomers never return for a second meeting?

You all know how much courage it takes to come out to your first meeting. Many of us knew about Tri-Ess for months or even years before coming out. What if all those years of anxious anticipation and nerving yourself up are suddenly dashed to bits by the realization that you are nothing at all like the people you are encountering at the meeting? What if you come out seeking and needing support and re-affirmation for your feelings of femininity, and all you encounter is hostility and 'guys in dresses"? Would you be willing to Come hack to mother meeting? I doubt it! You might be driven back to the closet for another 10 years!

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to visit the Gemini Gender Group in Milwaukee. They have a wonderfully refreshing, totally Supportive style. I left there wondering whether it would be possible to incorporate some of their learnings into our own group. They have no officers per se. Individuals facilitate the meetings on a rotating basis, without official titles. The meeting started off with a poem, a celebration of life and love and spirit. The group was large, but there was time for introductions. "Hi, I'm so-and-so.

I've been having a hard time since the last meeting. You know I've been recovering from an illness, but I'm feeling much better now." Or, "It is S0 good to be back here. I've told my family about myself and they've been so supportive of me." Or, "My daughter was the star in her school play and she was wonderful." Then someone stood up and told her story. You could just feel the warmth and compassion fill that room. The entire meeting was like that.

Back in January, Dr. Michael Bailey presented the program as our invited guest. Later that week, one of us, I think it was DeeDee, asked him what he thought of our meeting. He replied that it was like the Elks Club in dresses (or something like that). I was terribly offended that he perceived us as any other typical men's club, with only the uniform changed. But now I see that he was essentially correct. There was very little femininity at the last meeting. It would be very easy for a new-comer to see us as "guys in dresses."

Now granted, last month's meeting was not typical. We have had some wonderful, supportive meetings in the past. But as I thought back to the Gemini meeting on that cold January' night the contrast was dramatic.

Let's try to remember that support is what this is all about, and step back and look at ourselves through the eyes of a newcomer who is just in the process of discovery. What impression do you want to make?