HOW DO I TELL MY WIFE?
One sister's story about opening up to her partner.

How I told my Wife about my "Hobby"

How do you tell the one you love that you like wearing their clothes and dressing like a woman? My story is just that, how I came to tell my wife about my desire to dress like a woman.

I really can't remember if I had the desire as a teenager, it is a bit of a blur to me now, you see I'm 47 years old. What I do know is that I wasn't a muscular kid, just small and sometimes picked on by bigger brutes. I think any desires to dress at that time were buried in the conventions of the day and also because I became involved in a very fundamental Church when I was 20. The thought of dressing in women's clothing was seen as very sinful and abhorrent, totally aberrant behavior that was frowned upon by the Church.

In 1980 my marriage fell apart and because of the inflexible attitude of the Church to divorce I left the church. It was at this time that I first remember trying on my wife's pantyhose and panties, primarily as a "sexual" turn -on, which, by the way, didn't work too well ! I think it was at this time that my feminine side began to emerge but she had a lot to dig through to get to the surface. I eventually met my present wife 12 years ago and we have now been married for ten years. After I had been married for a couple of years the opportunity presented itself for me to dress in her clothes when she was away one weekend. I found that once I had dressed and put on makeup, albeit a bit crudely 'it was like a new person emerged from within. My feminine side had finally reached the surface!!

Due to various factors, notwithstanding the ingrained attitudes left by my years in the church I felt very guilty and did nothing further. But the feeling never went away and I started to dress frequently whenever she was away. I even intercepted her "throwouts" to ensure that I had some clothes of my "own". Still, the guilt trips came back and I threw out the clothes, swearing never to do it again. But the feminine part of me wouldn't let go and I began to dress more frequently.

In the last two years I dressed often when she went away, each time becoming more comfortable with what I was doing until I realized that this was a normal part of me. The guilt trips disappeared!! As I started to dress more and more it became obvious that I would get found out. It nearly happened twice when I was fully dressed and made up, was I in a panic!! The stresses within began to mount as I realized I was keeping something from the one that I dearly loved. Just how could I tell her?

A few months ago, I found the crossdressing resources on the Internet, in particular, Vanessa Kaye's page. I wrote to Vanessa and told her about myself, my coming out so to speak. Her encouragement was readily received and I started down the track of truly coming out to the one I loved.

After weeks of trying to tell my wife and getting more and more frustrated and scared, I started dropping hints. I always loved to watch her get dressed and put on makeup so whenever the opportunity arose I tried to provide a subtle hint. Some of these were verbal such as being the "housewife". You see, I do all the cooking and shopping in this household, so you could say I deserve to wear the skirts ! One night as she was getting undressed, I lay on the bed and watched her. When she took her bra off I draped it across my breasts and asked what she thought. A few nights later I asked if I could try on the pantyhose she had just taken off. Once, when the ironing came back from the ironing lady she couldn't find her jeans. They had been put with mine and so I said that it looked like I'd got a new pair of jeans and should try them on.

I decided then to take the plunge and tell her. To assist me I though I would rent the movie "Just Like a Woman", which I duly did. The intention was to watch it together and use it as an opener for discussion. Guess what? You know about the best laid plans, don't you? She watched it while I was out then returned it to the video store! So much for that, I couldn't even get anything out of her about the movie other than the story line was weak.

I was starting to get really uptight about things and decided that I would just have to tell her straight out, but gently mind you. So, I cooked a lovely dinner of roast chicken, got a good bottle of wine and set up a candle-lit dinner, then waited for her to get home. Wouldn't you believe it, she was late coming home! I was getting really tense and uptight with all the waiting. Finally, the time arrived and she was duly impressed with the setup for dinner. We sat and chatted about numerous matters, sharing some moments together and drinking our wine. Finally after about an hour and a half I said that I had something important to tell her and that I wanted her to listen and not interrupt until I had finished. Then she could ask all the questions she liked and we would take it from there.

So, I began and told her of my desire to wear women's clothes and how long it had been going on... I assured her that I was not gay, neither was I interested in other women. I told her that I didn't fully understand why I dressed in women's clothes but that it did bring out the feminine side of me, a side that I believe all males have and should recognize to be truly male. Her response astounded me, feminine intuition had been at work, or was it my hints, and she said that she knew. Did I get any bad vibes? No, she was quite OK about it but did say that she didn't want to see me dressed just yet as she wasn't ready for it. We then talked around the subject, discussing feminine matters such as whether I should pluck my eyebrows, use nail polish , shave my legs and what clothes I could wear. She was quite OK about me wearing her clothes providing I didn't damage them. During that time we held hands often and not once did either of us raise our voices and get angry.

How did I feel after coming out? Elation and relief! I felt so good for the next few days it was like I had been re-born, which in a sense I had, that is, Andrea was well and truly alive. What can I say about my wife? I think I am a very lucky guy/girl to have such a wonderful, loving and caring person as my wife. Whilst everything is not yet in the open and there is much left to discuss, I know that we are already starting to grow closer together and communicating more with each other in a positive way. I look forward to the day when she can meet Andrea in the flesh and I know that day will be soon.

Andrea