WELCOME TO THE INTERVENTION HOT LINE!!!
To help us route your call, please choose one of the following
options:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please have someone
press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we already know
who you are and why you're calling. Just stay on the line so we can finish tracing your call.
If you are schizophrenic,
listen carefully to the toaster and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are clinically depressed, don't
bother pushing any numbers because no one really wants to help you anyway.
Thank you for calling!
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