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By Georgia R. Freelove, Gayman Staff Writer
HAMDEN, Conn. - In a 4-1 decision released over the weekend, the Permanent Judicial Commission of Southern New England Presbytery ruled that First Presbyterian Church of Standforth may install a flagrantly rebellious elder on its session.
 D. | Jesus Christ, violator of G-6.0106b |
Jesus H. Christ, 32, was elected to the session of Standforth First in defiance of G-6.0106b, the "fidelity and chastity" clause of the PCUSA's Book of Order.
Jesus, already an ordained elder, was elected to the session on May 17, 1998, despite having openly admitted during the nominating process that he was "in a relationship with another man." John, the disciple whom Jesus loved, declined to comment.
When asked during the examination process by the session if this was a sexually active partnership, Jesus declined to answer the question.
When asked if, "Having read what our Constitution requires of those who are ordained and installed in office of the church, do you acknowledge any unrepentant practice which violates these provisions?" Jesus answered, "No. … However there are many 'sins' mentioned in the confessions that I believe are out-dated or out-of-step with current teachings and beliefs. I find it difficult to say with integrity that I will repent of those particular sins listed when I don't acknowledge them to be sin." Examples cited include working on the Sabbath (BoC 7.061, 7.227), undue delay of marriage (BoC 6.126,7.249),questioning authority (BoC 5.258, 3.24), professed poverty (6.126), disobedience, challenge to religious or civil authority (6.181, 7.215, 7.238), bold and curious searchings into God's secrets (7.215), and despair (7.215).
Baker, counsel for the complainants, cited "circumstantial evidence, but nonetheless evidence" that Jesus was involved with men -- socially suspicious men at that.
In his final paragraph, Shoppinhour wrote, "If there was any prior knowledge or assumption of knowledge of Jesus's sexual activity as a single person, the Session was remiss in not pursuing further its examination of him. His response to the question 'Is this a sexually active partnership' - to which he responded 'I decline to answer this question' - should not have been allowed to stand. Further questioning was required because of prior or assumed knowledge. At no time through the entire nominating, electing, and examination process did Jesus attempt to correct the assumptions raised by the above documents."
One document was a letter to the Standforth congregation signed by nine members of the 1998 nominating committee which admits that "The Nominating Committee is fully aware, by one candidate's own declaration, that this individual is a single person living in a committed loving relationship."
"Ours is not a cafeteria constitution. You can't pick and choose what you like and don't like," said a lawyer during the trial.
The brief continued, "Jesus Christ has acknowledged that he is engaged in a committed, loving, faithful relationship with a friend who is a man. While some may assume from this acknowledgement that Jesus is engaged in homosexual practice, it is only assumption. Jesus has not affirmed any homosexual practice. He has merely acknowledged that he is involved in a relationship with a man. Jesus Christ is not an unrepentant self-acknowledged practicing homosexual."
A spokesman for the complainants said a decision has not been made as to whether to appeal the decision to the Synod of the Northeast PJC.
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 D. | by Aaron H. Burr, Gayman staff writer |
If it looks like a theological aberration, talks like a theological aberration, heh-heh, heh-heh, and publishes like a theological aberration, it must be a necessary ministry that needs twice as much money to get on the path of righteousness.
And, thus, decided the task force reviewing the National Network of Presbyterian College Women, the Network deserves a pat on the back, a light scolding and a fare-thee-well with a $96,500 annual budget. But those chicks don't deserve squat!
There may be another surprise. Heh-heh. Heh-heh.[D.]
At the 210th General Assembly in 1998, the Network was on the docket with a request for a three-year budget of $273,000. But there were fireworks – and documented disclosures about the Network’s ties to penis-free theology and a sexual ethic that bothers me because I can't control their supple nubile bodies and reproductive choices. They won't screw me because I'm an old ugly church fart! That's how I know they're a bunch of lesbos!
Not surprisingly, commissioners to the 210th voted 306-217 to deny sponsorship and funding for NNPCW, inviting the Network to continue as an independent organization or to become an accountable component of the denomination’s campus ministries. I mean, they should think what I think and do what I say, or get the hell out.
Next occurred an emotional demonstration on the eve of adjournment - Eve being the operative word. It was high theater – teary college women holding candles and singing “This Little Light of Mine.” Rushing, as if on cue, to stand in solidarity with the Network’s “victims” were dozens of people whose ongoing contribution to the PCUSA has been their unceasing opposition of the denomination’s historic ordination standards. Ah, how I recall those historic times, back in the day -- 1997, was it? Nary a man is still alive who remembers that day and year. Back in the days of Pentium II, Windows 97, and cars with single airbags.
So touched by a demonstration orchestrated with the help of Moderator Douglas Oldenburg[D.], General Assembly staff, Monica Lewinsky [D.], the CIA, and the New York Mafia, the 1998 commissioners voted again. The Network got its reprieve.
The 1999 commissioners will decide whether that’s a temporary stay.
That's right, Biblical family values. Finding wives the way Hosea, Moses, Boaz, Benjaminites, Adam, Jacob, David, Xerxes, Samson, David, or Solomon did. Or better yet, grabbing an attractive prisoner of war.
That's the problem with women going to college in the first place. You can't do this to them anymore. Women shouldn't be in college with their feeble brains. Where does penis-free theology come from, anyway?
The Network’s resources (written in 1992 but ignorance of future PCUSA policy is no excuse) unapologetically defied the 1994 rejection of penis-free theology and the 1997 amendment prohibiting the ordination of practicing self-affirming homosexuals. Even during the hearing conducted by the task force, the women representing the Network and their supporters never refuted what was well documented by renewal leaders (well, if you set aside all sense of sequential time).
They did not deny their published prayer to “Christa, our primeval Mother,” an admonition that “Is it possible all you need is a good gay lover?” or the words of one of their theological mentors: “Jesus in reality was not God.”
This really disturbed me because I wonder if it is possible that all I really need is a good gay lover. Plus, it's really offensive to think of Jesus without a big swinging dick.
So why more money and continued sponsorship for an organization that flaunted the denomination’s standards and does not officially require that its leadership be Presbyterians? Uppity women don't deserve shit.
The task force declared that the denomination should support the Network because it provides a “safe place” for young women who feel “marginalized” by the church. The failures of the denomination included a “crisis in accountability.” Students “were given responsibilities for which they were neither prepared nor qualified.” There was a lack of “methods for objective review of this ministry.” See, they never should have worried their pretty little heads [D.]about such issues as environmental devastation, career planning, or campus rape.
Therefore, rather than abandoning the Network, the task force said, “it is wiser to implement corrective measures to correct and strengthen the Network’s efforts.” But I don't want to just bring those uppity women in line, no, I want to make sure they don't get diddly-squat because they don't belong in college in the first place, no sir. What do they need education for, when they really only need to learn to cook, clean and sew.
Would the current leaders of NNPCW go for that? Several nodded agreeably when such changes were broached during the hearing in Louisville. There was a willingness to include “both sides” in future material but not necessarily an agreement to abandon theological views that conflict with the denomination’s.
It remains to be seen whether the proposed theological oversight will be effective.
Simply stated, the task force bet on the future. It anted up some new rules and limits for the college women’s group, erecting penis theologies to guide the process, apparently with the expectation that there will be a significant metamorphosis[D.].
That is a gamble, for the task force made no effort to ascertain whether the Network members truly believe in my arrogance and superiority. In fact, Oldenburg, an ardent promoter of diversity, frequently suggested that there was room for a variety of theological opinions even on issues that have already been decided, such as ordination standards and the size of my importance.
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(sung to the tune of "Our God is an Awesome God")
Our God is a Vengeful God
He reigns with a mighty sword
He speaks a fearsome Word
Our God is a Vengeful God
Forming man from wind and clay
Our God is a Vengeful God
Then setting rules he can't obey
Our God is a Vengeful God
Our God is a Vengeful God
He reigns with a wrathful heart
He makes you read Karl Barth (audio)[T.]
Our God is a Vengeful God
He murdered Pharaoh's first-born son
Our God is a Vengeful God
Kept Moses' people on the run
Our God is a Vengeful God
Our God is a Vengeful God
He reigns with a mighty sword
He'll taunt you when He's bored
Our God is a Vengeful God
He sent a plague of boils to Job
Our God is a Vengeful God
Stripped Joseph of his colored robe
Our God is a Vengeful God
Our God is a Vengeful God
He reigns with a wrathful heart
He'll zap you if you fart
Our God is a Vengeful God
He turned Lot's wife to a pillar of salt
Our God is a Vengeful God
He killed his Son, who had no fault
Our God is a Vengeful God
Our God is a Vengeful God
He reigns with a mighty sword
He'll smash you with his Ford
Our God is a Vengeful God
He drowned the heathen in a Flood
Our God is a Vengeful God
He makes us eat his flesh and blood
Our God is a Vengeful God
Our God is a Vengeful God
He reigns with a wrathful heart
He'll give you a big wart
Our God is a Vengeful God
Says women should be kept oppressed
Our God is a Vengeful God
They're wicked and inspire lust
Our God is a Vengeful God
Our God is a Vengeful God
He reigns with a mighty sword
Just don't forget who's Lord
Our God is a Vengeful God
He'll cast you to the fires of Hell
Our God is a Vengeful God
Your decaying corpse will smell
Our God is a Vengeful God
Our God is a Vengeful God
I know 'cuz I think I'm Him
I rule upon a whim
I am a Vengeful God
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