D.
GA Adventures of Gé Chevara
Practicing, self-affirming revolutionary overturns "moneychangers"
tables at pre-GA Event
Self-affirming, practicing LGBT revolutionary Gé Chevara was witnessed overturning tables at the Saturday morning Theological Task Force review. "This disgusts me!" Gé explained following his outburst. "Thirty-six dollars for a convention center continental breakfast! I ask you, who is being excluded here? The POOR, that's who! Along with all those who abhor stale muffins and intense boredom." Wringing his pink beret in his right hand while gesturing toward this reporter with his left, Gé continued: "I applaud the Task Force's definition of purity as justice, but in the name of Gandhi, must we wait five years for them to report back before we act justly!"
Later that same day, Gé was seen at the More Light Reception and Dinner. And on Sunday he was observed buying goods at the SERRV store in the Exhibit Hall. Upon inquiry, Gé responded, "Look, the food at that dinner was straight, but that Trout Professor of Christian Ethics and Tex Cobb's jokes were worth the price of admission! As for the SERRV store, fair trade is FAIR trade. Besides, look at all this cool shit I’ve nabbed for my friends!"
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Conference Announcement
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By Hester Donovan-Stafford, Gayman Staff Writer
| Do people know what's good for them? Apparently so. Take for example the recent public clamor for alligator burgers. It all started when condescending middle managers decided that they knew what the people wanted : beef. Due to alligator invisibility, people didn't even know what they were missing. But then word got out. And once you've tried it, there's no going back. Truth is, alligator burgers are far more nutritious, offering a buffet of bodily essentials, including the sought after Omega-3 fatty acids. More and more, alligator is becoming the meat of choice for health-conscious dieters seeking to reduce their risk of heart disease, hypertension, obesity, diabetes, and even cancer. You see, alligator meat is a juicy, flavorful, low-calorie protein source with excellent mouth feel, meeting all your nutritional needs while adding a minimal amount of saturated fat and cholesterol. Succulent, delicious, and good for you! Now THAT'S what the people want! |
NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS Analysis of alligator burgers by Collegiate Foods Analytical Laboratory in Columbia, Massachusetts, showed the following information for an ounce of meat:
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Public Service Announcement
| Eric Schwartz (like the PCUSA) is pro-choice, supports the separation of church and state, and urges you to VOTE |
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Tune: St. Theodulph (“All Glory Laud and Honor”)
Refrain:
All Scripture’s good and useful
For teaching and Rebuke
Except the words of Jesus
In Matthew Mark and Luke
The Sermon on the Mount lifts up
The hungry and the poor
But Jesus Fish on Hummers
They just say so much more
Refrain
He blessed the meek and merciful
And those who work for peace
But times demand our President
Must be the world’s police
Refrain
He healed the sick and cured the lame
The first day of the week
I just don’t want to see those kids
With AIDS in Mozambique
Refrain
The gospel says He guides our feet
into the path of peace
but I support pre-emptive war
the kind that will not cease
Refrain
He came that captives be released
And that th’oppressed be freed
But I run prison businesses
For profits and for greed
Refrain
He loved & prayed for enemies
With dove-like innocence
But our nuc-u-lar arsenal
Is just good common sense
Refrain
Christ Jesus was against divorce
He could not be more clear
But that pales in comparison
To self-affirming queers
Refrain
No longer taking eye for eye
He turned the other cheek
But we’re no wimps, we execute;
Swift punishment we seek.
Refrain
Judge not lest ye be judged one day
Refrain from casting stones.
But Hell’s reserved for women who
Abort for stem-cell clones.
Refrain
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