This page will list some of my short stories that I had written...at this point, the only story that is currently ready is my rendition of a child's story...
Little Red Riding Cape
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who had a red cape and hood. "Red" (the names have been changed to protect the innocent) was on her way to grandma's house with a basket of food as grandma was too hungry and too lazy to feed herself. In order to get to grandma's house, Red had to go through the woods, besides this is just the kind of story that usually sells to brain dead children's publishers. Let's see...where was I...oh yeah...On the way, she sang a little song that she claimed that she had written. The much disputed song went like this:
"A tisket, a tasket,
A green and yellow basket.
I put a letter in the top
And on the way I dropped it.
I dropped it, I dropped it.
And on the way I dropped it.
A little boy picked it up
And put it in his pocket."
Yeah, this chick really cooked! But this is the very song that got her into trouble. The wolf heard Red from a distance and decided that he was hungry. The wolf figured that he had three options:
1) He could steal the basket and eat the food.
2) He could take Red and eat her.
3) He could steal the song, make a bundle
and never be hungry again.
Being pretty slick as wolves go, he decided that stealing the song was infinitely better. After all, the food would be gone in ten minutes, if that; And Red, as he affectionately began thinking of her, would only last through the evening. The wolf was sure that the song would become a classic (with the right promotion, of course). So the wolf set out in the direction of red's mellifluous voice.
Now, at this point, the wolf knew what his goal was, but he didn't have a plan. He just had the basics down. He would make friends with Red; get her to invite him home; slip her a mickey; ransack her house for the sheet music, and split. Simple, yet effective.
The wolf let out in the direction of her voice, and pretty soon Red came skipping merrily along. Red was actually not one to skip, but she had developed a blister from the long walk and it helped to keep the pressure off the bad foot. The wolf followed her a little way, slinking behind trees and such wolf nonsense, until Red had finally had it and sat down for a rest.
The wolf decided the best approach was to ask about her health and if he could help her (a little gallantry couldn't hurt). The wolf started "ahem-ing" and clearing his throat as he moved in, so Red wouldn't get too freaked out. When the wolf finally reached her he said, "Pardon me, lovely lady, however, if you are in distress, I do hope that you will allow me to be of some assistance. (pretty smooth, huh?
Well, Red had only heard that kind of talk on the movies that are usually played on TV after the bars closed and looked at the wolf as though she had stumbled upon the president of the International Order of Nerds. But, she thought, if he was so anxious to "be of assistance," maybe she could get him to take the basket to grandma's for her. "Oh, sir," she said, trying to remember what they had sounded like in The Princess Bride. "Perhaps, you would be so kind as to deliver this basket of food to my grandmama (with emphasis on the last ma). She is ill and has no one to care for her." (She wanted to add, she eats like a horse, but declined. The wolf naturally accepted his chore with a smile. Red gave the wolf grandma's address and started to make her way back home.
Now, this was the opening that the wolf was looking for. "I would be delighted, my dear," said he, "just tell me where I may return the basket." Without much hesitation, Red scribbled her address on one of the napkins and then split.
The wolf, of course, being hungry, waited until Red was out of sight and sat down to eat. In the basket there was fried chicken, biscuits, potato salad, and some rhubarb pie for dessert. No doubt about it--Red was a terrible cook, but at least he was full. Now all that the wolf had to do was wait until dark and then show up at Red's house.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest, Red skipped on home to soak her foot. She had been home for an hour when the phone rang. Sure enough, it was grandma asking where her food was. Red explained what had happened and told grandma to call out for pizza and to put it on Red's student visa card. This made Red very suspicious of the wolf's motives and Red thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have given the wolf her address. Red had to think of what she had to do.
"Aha, I'll just invite the guys over--just in case." See, Red played in a band called Big Red and the Capelets (a motley bunch of hoods with hearts of gold). Even though they weren't rehearsing that night, she knew where the Capelets were to be found.
Red called the local pool hall and talked to Dizzy. Red told Dizzy what the story was and requested the honour of the guys' presence at her place immediately. Dizzy raced to tell the guys. The Capelets were playing poorly to hustle a couple of newcomers, so they cleared the tables they'd been shooting on, collected their dough, hung up their cue sticks and jumped in their Volkswagen convertible, called White Flash.
In no time at all, the capelets were knocking at Red's door. Red told them that they could hide in her bedroom. When the wolf showed up, she'd make some excuse to leave the room and spy on him to make sure that he was being a good guest --and if he wasn't, the guys would jump him from behind and perhaps help Red get rid of their unwelcome visitor.
The guys did what they were told, and five minutes later there was a rap at the door. The wolf had come a courtin', flowers and a bottle of Château Neuf du Pape vintage 1932. Red greeted the wolf and told him it was too much. Being the rake that he was, the wolf just bowed low as he figured that he had it made. It was a good thing that the wolf couldn't hear the guys laughing and booing in the next room.
Anyway, Red asked the wolf to take a squat and went to the kitchen for glasses and a vase. While Red was out of the room, the wolf pulled out a vial of sleeping powder out of wherever wolves keep things, ready to slip into her wine when Red's back was turned.
Red returned and poured the wine, put the flowers in the vase and sat down on the chair farthest from the wolf. They were actually both a little uncomfortable, knowing that they were both trying to put one over each other. So, besides a few general throat clearings, not much was happening. You could call it a less than thrilling encounter.
Needless to say, the Capelets in the bedroom were getting restless. They had the bedroom door open just a crack so they could see out, and they were couched and piled on top of each other so each could eyeball the scene himself. Naturally, they couldn't maintain this pose for very long and soon enough they lost their balance and fell over with a couple big thuds.
When the wolf heard all of the noise, he jumped from his chair and made a beeline for the door. In the midst of the melee, the guy scrambled to their feet and leapt out at him. The wolf was fast. No doubt about it. But, unfortunately for him, one of the disadvantages of a tail is that it's never quite up to where you are. So, with the amazing presence of mind that comes only years of dealing with turkeys, Red slammed the door -- right on the poor wolf's tail.
Boy, was he caught. And, boy did that hurt. Not being one to hide his true feelings, the wolf let out a scream loud enough to wake grandma up on the other side of the forest. Red opened the door, and the wolf fell panting to the ground.
Just as the wolf thought he'd bought it for sure, the Capelets came bounding out onto the porch, yelling "That's it! That's what we've been looking for! It's great! Oh wow! and the like.
With tear in his eyes and blood on his tail, the wolf started begging and pleading for his life. "Kill you?" asked one of the guys "Whose talking about killing you? That sound you made--can you make it without getting a door slammed on your tail?"
The wolf definitely thought that he had encountered several institutional escapees, but figured he'd play along. He didn't have much choice. So the wolf tried a few shrieks and screams, but failed. He was not actually doing too well, until he remembered his Stanislavsky training, and re-creating the pain in his mind, he let out a heck of a hoot.
The guys jumped off the porch and congratulated him, pumping his paw up and down. Finally, the wolf had enough and queried "I hate to interrupt this, but what's going on?" Dizzy, being the sharpest member of the group brought his exuberance under control and blurted out "That sound, that sound, that sound!" Red finally intervened and told the wolf that there was a particular sound that they had never been able to get digitized. They knew it was just the sound they needed to make a million seller out of the tune they'd written--and it was the sound the wolf had just made.
Since they knew the wolf wasn't going anywhere, red and the guys stepped up on the porch for a quick meeting. Then Red went over to the wolf and explained their proposition. The wanted him to join the band as a permanent member, but since the wolf had been basically rotten, he had to make up for it by bringing grandma her food four times a week. If the wolf agreed, they'd let him live. If not, they'd wear him next winter. It certainly was an offer the wolf couldn't refuse! And the wolf lived a life of travel, fame and plenty of money to buy his food after the Big Red and the Capelets' CD went double platinum and remained on the top forty Billboard charts for the rest of the wolf's natural life.