I am in a bar. I can't believe I am here by myself, surrounded by tough
and angry looking men. This is a working class bar. I look down at myself.
I am wearing a blouse, white panties...no skirt. I have thigh-hi stockings
on, and they are embarrassingly lacy at the thigh. I try to reach down and place my hands over the stocking-tops, to keep my hands in front of the lace.
In my insantiy of dreaming, I believe that nobody will bother me if I
can only cover those stocking-tops. The panties, I reason, are plain with
no lace on them, and even though they are nylon, they are not too feminine.
It is the stocking-tops that give me away. This, even as I gaze in the mirror
at the female me, with swirling curls and bright lipstick.
I begin to try and take off my stockings, struggling to no avail. It's
as if they are glued on my thighs. They won't come off.
A man is behind me, his erection is very big and thick, and he is sliding
it so that I feel it in the cleft of my pantied ass. It feels so good to
me. It makes me tingle. I am a fool to go with him like this, but I go.
We go into a back room. It's as if I've been here before. Somehow, I think
this man is Jack the Ripper, and I am a whore. He carries a small black
case, which I think must have a scalpel and other tools for my dissection.
I am thinking how glorious it will be, to die like a whore.
"The whore Mylene was found dead..."
Yes, yes, this sounds wonderful to me. The world will remember me for
being a beautiful woman who had many, many men and died for their pleasure.
This is very reasonable.
I am already thinking that first he will take the scalpel, rip a slit into the back of my
panties, and do me that way. Then he will kill me. Nobody will ever take
off my panties and know my secret. I will die a whore, and be immortal as
part of the mystery of Jack the Ripper.
My dream is going according to plan. Or, my plan is going according to
the dream. I am on a crude wooden table which has a thin mattress over it.
Many whores go into this room for quick sex with the drunken customers.
Jack clicks open the little black case, which reveals a set of sewing
needles, and some thread.
"You are not a virgin, Mylene," he says. "I will make you
one. Would you like that? Would you like to be a virgin for me?"
"Anything you would like, I like!" I try to laugh like a whore,
and pretend that I am not suddenly petrified with fear.
I see, in this dream, a very close-up view of my anus. It is amazingly
stitched together with thread, like a spider's web, only with heavy black
thread. The hole area is criss-crossed back and forth with the thread, and
I see how each thread is anchored in my sphincter flesh. I think it is my
fingertip I see, testing the opening. It is impossible to penetrate this!
The threads are very strong!
I see myself lying on the mattress, on my stomach. The man, who is all
cloaked in black and wears a top hat, has a massive jutting penis that sticks
out. He mounts me like some kind of bat, spreading his cloak out so I can't
see what he is doing.
I feel the pulling, the tearing, and I try to scream but I can't.
Again, in this dream, a very close-up view of my anus. The threads are
all broken, and my hole is so wide, I could put a finger in and not touch
the sides. Suddenly, blood begins to flow out, like water seeping from a
garden hose that has barely been turned on. The hole is large, but the fluid
only comes out from the lower fourth of it.
I see the mattress becoming soggy and scarlet.
But now, in this close-up view I have of my anal opening, I see several
thick clots of marshmallowy white gather into place, and close the opening.
I think it must be his come. He came in me, and now it has gathered around
my sphincter, keeping me from bleeding to death.
I have found a cloak. I gather it around myself and hurry from the bar.
People shout, "There he goes. Jack the Ripper! He has killed Mylene
the Whore!"
I shout back in a man's voice, "I didn't kill Mylene. I love Mylene!"
In the morning, and through the day, it is this remembered sentence that
makes me weep with despair. Not the blood or the abuse.