By Aramis

Warnings:
1. Iolaus isn't in it, well not directly anyway. If I was the reader that would immediately ruin it for me.
2. It's all talk and no action. However, I'm sure I can rely on the rest of you to provide that in your stories as you all seem to be able to write incredible horizontal 'action' scenes that I can't manage.

Disclaimer: The characters featured in this dialogue belong to MCA/Universal. No copyright infringement was intended and no money was made.

ZEUS: What do you think you're doing?

HERC: Eating supper actually.

ZEUS : And where's your little, blond friend?

HERC: I don't know. I expect he'll be here soon.

ZEUS: Oh, really? Do you actually expect that under the circumstances?

HERC: What circumstances?

ZEUS: Well, I'd have sworn I heard a lot of yelling.

HERC: Yelling?

ZEUS: Yes, I was sure I heard you shouting.

HERC: That's a bit of an exaggeration. We were merely having a discussion.

ZEUS: I thought the word 'discussion' implied more than one participant.

HERC: What do you mean?

ZEUS: There seemed to be only one voice and it sounded more like a lecture than a discussion.

HERC: Well, I suppose there was a bit of a lecture involved.

ZEUS: On?

HERC: Oh, Iolaus has been particularly disobedient lately.

ZEUS: Disobedient?

HERC: Yes, he won't do what I tell him.

ZEUS: And why should he?

HERC: I only tell him to do things for his own good.

ZEUS: Isn't he the best judge of that?

HERC: No way! He's constantly doing things that endanger him.

ZEUS: Isn't that the nature of being a warrior?

HERC: Yes, but there's also needless risk and provoking unnecessary conflict.

ZEUS: Surely it's up to him decide.

HERC: Not if he's likely to get hurt.

ZEUS: And who should decide that?

HERC: I think I should. He's too reckless for his own good.

ZEUS: And how does he respond to your decisions?

HERC: Not well. I have trouble making him obey.

ZEUS: You do realize he's not your pet, don't you?

HERC: What do you mean?

ZEUS: You can't expect him to come obediently to heel. You don't own him you know.

HERC: Of course not, but I try to look after him.

ZEUS: Why?

HERC: Because he's important to me.

ZEUS: So it's for your sake not his.

HERC: NO! Well, I suppose partly, but it's mostly because I care about him.

ZEUS: Do you try to get obedience from everyone you care about, like your mother, for instance?

HERC: Of course not!

ZEUS: Why?

HERC: She's my mother. Anyway, she's sensible. She wouldn't take the silly chances Iolaus does.

ZEUS: So Iolaus is not only disobedient, he's stupid as well.

HERC: No, he's not! Stop putting words in my mouth!

ZEUS: But you implied that was the case.

HERC: I didn't! Well, maybe I did, but I didn't mean it like that.

ZEUS: How did you mean it then?

HERC: I meant ... I don't know what I meant! Anyway, it's different with him.

ZEUS: Why?

HERC: Because it just is.

ZEUS: Why?

HERC: Father, surely you know how much he means to me.

ZEUS: Yes, but does he?

HERC: Of course!

ZEUS: When did you tell him?

HERC: I didn't have to tell him. He knows. He *must* know.

ZEUS: Why isn't he here then?

HERC: That's got nothing to do with it.

ZEUS: It's got everything to do with it.

HERC: Please explain.

ZEUS: You know what it's like to be part of a family.

HERC: Yes, but you can't take credit for that.

ZEUS: Leave me out of things for a moment.

HERC: Well?

ZEUS: Iolaus doesn't.

HERC: But he lived with his father.

ZEUS: You must know his father was rarely home and made it clear that he didn't want Iolaus.

HERC: What's that got to do with anything?

ZEUS: He's very sensitive you know.

HERC: What Iolaus? He's tough!

ZEUS: Physically, yes, but not emotionally. His childhood scarred him. He fears to give love as he expects rejection.

HERC: But he's always falling in love.

ZEUS: Not really. Don't you know the difference between flirtation and the real thing, boy. Flirtation is fun, you don't have to commit, you don't have to risk yourself.

HERC: Well, you'd know if anyone does.

ZEUS: True, but keep me out of it. We're talking about Iolaus. He needs someone to love him.

HERC: But I love him.

ZEUS: Do you really?

HERC: Of course.

ZEUS: In the way he wants to be, *needs* to be, loved?

HERC: What do you mean?

ZEUS: There is only one love in his life and there only ever has been.

HERC: But Iolaus is always having affairs.

ZEUS: We're back to that are we. Can't you understand the distinction between sex and love?

HERC: I've always thought they should go together.

ZEUS: You would! I've often wondered how I bred a son like you. However, in this case, you're right.

HERC: Father, why does talking to you always have to be bewildering? You've just contradicted yourself.

ZEUS: I said "in this case".

HERC: I'm confused.

ZEUS: You certainly are. Do you think Iolaus loves you?

HERC: Yes. We've been best friends since we met.

ZEUS: And that's the same thing is it? Is it a restricted kind of love?

HERC: What do you mean?

ZEUS: What does it involve? Is it restricted in its activities?

HERC: Father, I'm getting even more confused.

ZEUS: Do you think all love is the same?

HERC: No, there are different sorts.

ZEUS: Not for Iolaus. Not if you'll let him.

HERC: Huh?

ZEUS: Do I have to spell it out? Have you ever looked at Iolaus?

HERC: Of course I have.

ZEUS: I mean really *looked* at him.

HERC: Yes.

ZEUS: And what does he look like?

HERC: You know, father, you've seen him dozens of times!

ZEUS: Yes, I have, but what we're trying to establish is whether you have. Describe him!

HERC: Okay, if I must. He's little and he's got a mop of blond curls.

ZEUS: Well, I suppose it's a start. What's his hair feel like?

HERC: Like silk! I love to touch ... I mean it's very soft!

ZEUS: What color are his eyes?

HERC: Blue, like the sky!

ZEUS: Would you call him handsome?

HERC: No, his features aren't exactly regular, he's got a scar on his forehead and laughter lines around his eyes, and his grin is definitely lopsided. No, he's not handsome but, somehow, he *is* beautiful. I guess you'll think that's odd.

ZEUS: No, son, I know exactly what you mean, but I just wonder if you do.

HERC: Meaning?

ZEUS: You know Ganymede, my cup-bearer? Many have said he is the epitome of male beauty, but he couldn't hold a candle to Iolaus. Real beauty is a package deal: face and body, yes, but also character, spirit, the whole person. Ganymede can't glow like Iolaus does when he sees the one he loves because he's too self-centered, too aware of his own beauty, Iolaus only sees the one he loves and that he wishes loved him too.

HERC: Why, father, you sound like you've got a thing about *my* hunter.

ZEUS: I could have easily enough, son, I don't restrict my pleasures by only associating with females as well you know. But I know he's already taken or, at least, desperately wants to be, by someone else, and even the King of the Gods couldn't tempt him away from his love. Tell me, are you aware of how you just described Iolaus?

HERC: Do you mean as beautiful not handsome?

ZEUS: No, I mean the possessive pronoun.

HERC: Huh? You've got me there. Grammar's not one of my strong points.

ZEUS: Neither, I fear, is logic.

HERC: Well, if you didn't talk in riddles maybe I could follow you better.

ZEUS: Okay, let's recap. We've established that you want to look after Iolaus and to help organize his life. You say you love him and agree that he loves you. You think he's beautiful. You actually see him as yours. You even said *my* hunter when speaking about him.

HERC: Yes, I suppose I have said all that, though I didn't really intend to.

ZEUS: But it is true?

HERC: Yes. Yes, all right, it is.

ZEUS: Well then, don't you think you should do something about it? Well, answer me! Come on, don't just stand there with your mouth hanging open, boy. Answer me!

HERC: But what would Iolaus think?

ZEUS: I can answer that. He'd be shocked, stunned, flabbergasted, amazed and ... overjoyed. He'll hardly believe that, after all these years, you've finally come to your senses.

HERC: But what can I do? How can I start?

ZEUS: I'm definitely wondering if you're my son! Look, boy, it's New Year's Eve. It's a perfect time. You go to Iolaus' forge at midnight and seize the opportunity and any other parts of *your* hunter you can grab and take it from there. Go on, make me proud of you!

HERC: Thank you, father.

ZEUS: Well, must dash, I've got a couple of little nymphs awaiting me and maybe I'll have another *look* at Ganymede for old time's sake.

THE END