So, here I am today,
a little older, a little wiser, a little
heavier than ever before (ha ha), and as you can see, a face that smiles for real.
It seems the hardest issue for me to deal with today is that of my mental illness as I have
been diagnosed as Manic Depressive (or BiPolar).
Fortunately I have found a good therapist, a good agency and a psychiatrist who listens and
helps without just dispensing pills as the accepted therapeutic remedy.
Oh, there are good days and bad, but the majority are now days of stability, emotional freedom
and inner peace. Even living in "the money pit" can sometimes get me down.
After all, would you want to live in a home that is definately on a "remodelers dream" list?
There are always moments when visiting, that serenity can be found for this
small town boy. In learning how to finally be happy I have accepted my gay sexuality and found a freedom within
it.
My "family" now includes those members from the AA tables, various chat room "buddies",
sites which I have included links to and the support from my sister (Mary) and my new friend and
companion(Vince).
The internet allowed me to brave the "dating ritual" and after placing an ad Vince and I began a daily
dialogue of talking, learning, and developing mutual honesty, trust and respect. Eventually there
came that moment when we finally met, and my life has soared to a higher plane of happiness ever since.
Yes, there is love (and sex) in the gay world after thirty folks ha ha! Yet, there is more in our
relationship and I have decided to "take the plunge" and look for work in the area and eventually move in.
There have been alot of trips back and forth as we live a fair distance apart, yet the area and people I have met from my travels have helped to bring about the sense of serenity and peace I crave. I once needed to live in a world filled with chaos and emotional upheaval. I now live in a world that crawls like a turtle in comparison. The small town environment of my youth is a draw for me. Like so many issues in my life, this too is the opposite of my usual lifestyle. I am finally able to relax and enjoy my surroundings and the people who are there with me. I have made real friends, not just "associates" or people that I know. I am learning how to really "care" not only about others, but, finally, about myself.
I hope my website has entertained and informed those who have chosen to visit. The struggles have been mine, but in my journey I found I was not alone. There is hope at the end of the tunnel, a light shining and beckoning for all to see. So, as others and I stop surviving and begin to live we remember those who have helped. Many people were but "ships passing in the night" from whom a single comment opened a whole world unexplored. Others have been there through all the growth and often drew strength from seeing how all of us made it sometimes an hour at a time. The bullies of my past will always live within my head and fragile emotions. Yet, I am stronger today and no longer want to let them rule and plunge me into the long days and nights of anger held within as before. Like the weight lifter who learns "no pain, no gain", a person sufferring with a mental health illness also must learn to brave the nightmares to gain freedom to walk each day in the sunlight and warmth of happiness. To those who have helped me in my past - I owe you so much. For those who see me now will never have to be afraid to have me near. For those I have yet to meet, my wisdom gained from real experience will hopefully save you from the journey I needed to take. You see, "I would not change how I came to be "me"....
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