Today, I have years of sobriety from drugs and alcohol. I have learned to trust the doctors and counselors I once feared and I have an understanding and respect for my mental health symptoms and illnesses. Once I was unaware of the distorted thinking, the effects of prolonged stress sleep deprivation etc. I now treat my symptoms as friends who are warning me that it is time to slow down and take care of Gary for a change. I listen to my counselors as they repeat back to me what they are hearing me say about my attempts to understand my own emotions.
I am smiling today for I have real friends who like "me", or at least who I am attempting to become. My purpose in life now is to be happy by not destroying others or myself. I try to reach out through articles I write on the effects of abuse at all levels, listening and helping in chat rooms, researching the above-mentioned topics on the Internet and trying to promote understanding of the issues of gay and lesbian women. I no longer have the big houses, salaries or fancy titles. What I have is a sense of who Gary really is and the beginnings of a personality that has learned forgiveness of others and I am working on myself. It is ok to be gay, to be aroused by the "eye candy" of a nice chubby man and to desire the intimacy and sharing of being with him in a loving, caring relationship built on mutual honesty, trust and respect. I will continue to make mistakes and learn from them. It is ok not to be perfect. I have accepted my mental health issues and work towards lessening their recurring effects. It is ok just to "be" and to take time out just to be in touch with where I am inside emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. I have become a person tired of surviving and just now learning how to live.Return to About Me Page