Role Reversal

It is widely believed that about 10% of the population is homosexual, with the other 90% wishing that they were (ha ha). What if we imagined for a moment that these numbers were reversed? What questions would we then have of the heterosexual population? Perhaps some have seen this before. For those of you who haven't, consider asking your heterosexual friends the following questions:

• When did you first discover that were a heterosexual? Why did you choose to be that way?

• Don't you think that if you just met the right person of the same sex that things would change for you, and that you would be homosexual like normal people?

• Do you think that your attraction to the opposite sex is simply an indication that you are envious of that sex, or that you secretly want to be that sex?

• Did you have secret sexual fantasies about your parent or sibling(s) of the opposite sex while growing up?

• Do you have fantasies about having sex with children of the opposite sex?

• Did you know that there are some treatments for heterosexuality? Have you considered aversion or reparative therapy? (Research has shown that heterosexuality may be caused by a dysfunction in the father/son or mother/daughter relationship. Repairing this relationship through intensive psychotherapy may be a cure for some people's heterosexuality.)

• Can you understand why normal people think that heterosexuality is unnatural? I mean, after all, we do call them "opposite sexes," don't we? Do you tend to choose friends who have a lot in common with you? Isn't that a "natural" tendency? Then why would you think that it is "natural" for a woman or a man to choose someone so different as a sex partner?

• What is this talk about heterosexuals wanting to get married? Don't you think that it is wrong for our society to sanction heterosexual relationships simply because two people want to procreate?

• Aren't you afraid of the health risks associated with overpopulation? Aren't there too many unwanted pregnancies already? I mean, it's one thing to live your own life and spread your own sexually transmitted diseases and immoral conduct among yourselves, but do you have to be so irresponsible as to create a legacy that everyone else has to deal with by crowding the planet? Can't you see how potentially sinful your heterosexual lifestyle can be?

• I can tolerate the fact that you are heterosexual, but I don't like it when you flaunt it by walking hand in hand down the street together, or when I see you people having an "intimate" dinner and pecking each other on the lips, or when I overhear your conversations about love and sex. What you do in your bedroom is your own business, I guess, but please don't expose me to it. After all, that's why we generously set up your Heterosexual Community Center-so that you would have a place to go and be heterosexual. I frankly don't understand why the rest of the population bore the cost of that center at all; I heard that hardly anyone ever goes there for Bingo Night or other such events. Personally, I don't agree with spending money on giving special rights to the heterosexuals.

• What's all this "pride" nonsense about, anyway? Why do you people want to flaunt "pride" about a sexual behavior that is obviously wrong?

I would guess that these questions would offend most of our heterosexual friends. Imagine that. Really, though, I'm simply trying to understand those people; I don't MEAN to offend them. Perhaps I should think more carefully about how I ask questions, don't you think?

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