Can Summer And Winter Cohabit?
I met Russ when I was 26, a junior at Elon College, North Carolina working part-time as an Activities Assistant in a nursing home. He was 67, retired for four years from UNCG, where he had served as a European History professor and who was now enjoying his life-long love of traveling full time.
We met through an ad I placed in late November 1986 in a weekly entertainment/events paper for the Piedmont area of North Carolina titled, then, The Spectator. The ad was simple, without much of the embroidery most entail.
Russ, having just returned from the Orient, happened to pick up the paper and scan the ads in the back. Obviously, fate then intervened.
He and I both were in similar states emotionally at that time. He had survived a tragic car accident in the summer of that year. I had become more and more socially isolated. My day was filled with college classes, my activities work at the nursing home and studying in the evenings and on weekends. I rarely went out of the house.
Despite wonderful letter correspondence and phone conversations with Russ from November '86 to February '87, I couldn't find the courage in myself to break out of my shell and go out with him on a date. There was a popular song on the radio then by Swing Out Sister titled, "Breakout" and that's what we both needed to do desperately.
Our first meeting, on February 5th, 1987 was awkward and strange, but electrifying and thrilling all at the same time. Very brief it was as I was due to pick up my mother at a nearby mall soon. However, I returned on February 9th and spent the most glorious day of my life simply talking with Russ. We both felt as if we had "come home". Our conversation flowed freely, with many laughs and warm feelings.
This day followed with walks in the park, candlelight dinners to Edith Piaf on the stereo, trips to the coast and the mountains, and always, much glorious conversation on every topic imaginable, cuddled close in each other's arms with glasses of vino within arm's reach. A whirlwind romance!
Russ and I both briefly spoke of the age difference in the beginning of our courtship. 41 years difference is QUITE a gap! But, we thought we'd play it by ear and let our lives flow openly and honestly, dealing with any problems as they arose.
In December of 1987, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer;certainly a magnet for bringing us even closer. Russ saw me through the operation and the post-operative tests and treatment with the greatest of loving care and attention. In late May of 1989 Russ suffered a heart attack. He had to have quadruple bypass surgery. He recovered well, and he and I became closer than ever, closer than two people ever could.
Am I searching for a father figure? Is Russ searching to regain his youth through me or to have the child he never had? Many people assume Russ is my father. My father was the exact opposite of Russ: mechanical, blue collar, limited education, but despite our differences in temperament and interests we loved one another. Why did I fall in love with a man old enough to be my father? Perhaps because during the AIDS crisis of the 80s I was dissatisfied seeing so many gay guys my age pledge eternal love one week and then be off with someone else the next. I wanted security, devotion, maturity, world experience-a mentor? I know I had visualized meeting a Dr. Doolittle (owned the doll after the Rex Harrison movie came out in 1968) type for many years: erudite, professorial, compassionate, loving, kind, charming and I did!! My dreams came true!
We both were on spiritual quests in our youth. Russ through seminary in the Roman Catholic Church and I through the Academy of the New Church based on Swedish mystic/theologian, Emmanuel Swedenborg.
I remained celibate all during the 80s, up until I met Russ. I, like Russ, wanted monogamy, to be settled down.
Yes, we have different interests due to our generational influences, but this nicely melds into a unifying whole. Russ has opened himself up to authors, musicians, influences from my era and I to his. A marriage of the generations. Summer meets Winter and find they have much in common.
Couples like us may be rare, but we're real. Look beneath the packaging and you'll see two hearts very deeply in love-a post-modern age Romeo and Juliet. The classics never die and the love is indeed eternal, no matter its form.