The Ava Letters This is what my site is all about: letting someone have their say and coming to grips with bondage. This is a set of letters i got from someone who isn't nessisarily needing absolution, but does want to get out some of her feelings. Please pay attention here. She says some things that need saying. She is serious yet playful, honest, and reserved yet we can see the soft side of a woman who has found joy in bondage, Ava (not her real name) wanted me to be real careful not to include anything that would identify her and at the same time she did want to communicate with others. Ok, i've alaised everything so she is protected for her. i will forward mail that is addressed "TO AVA" in the subject line. You won't get her address, but she'll get yours. If she feels comfortable in writting to you then that's good. If she writes to you through me, that's ok. If you write her something nasty through me, i'll burn the letter!

Hi Ava!

Good thing i read your letter before begining to reply, Ava. Actually i pay little attention to the names on email because i know how easy it is to have the wrong name attached to mail. My real name is not shevette either. i know when you get this the return address will be xxx@xxx.com and i'm not xxx, or xxx or even xxx! xxx is the name of the company i work for. It's ok though because they know i like to be tied up - not to say that anyone here at xxx has ever tied me up or even seen me like that. i wear a collar and get a lot of wild mail - besides i told them about me and they even helped when i first put up my site.... enough about me....

i know you are being serious (having read all your letter) but i can't pass up the chance to make a quip about where you say "...and I live somewhere in the Midwest...". i just have to say 'Gee, that must make it a real challenge when going home at night!' Giggle. Sorry, i just couldn't resist. i'll be serious now. i feel that this was a hard letter for you to write and i really want you to know that it's alright. i shared some of the feelings you are having. When i was in my teens i really repressed myself. i knew i wanted to be tied up and the only way that was suposed to happen was when one got robbed or kidnapped therefore i thought i had a craving to be kidnapped..... it was a confusing time..... every teen goes through something like that. Adolescence is a pain!

Tell me about it girl. i live in bible belt!

In a way the forum area is a good place to put these kinds of confessions. i hear a lot of them and it pushes me to work harder to promote bondage. My underlying view is "Anything can be bad, and anything can be good". i guess it's not so much what we do as what we mean. Bondage can be a bad bad thing resulting in death - it can also be a loving sharing thing. It's all in how it is used. i'm a naturally positive person so i repressed my bondage desires until i finally figured out the little gem above. Bondage can be good! Sure it can be bad too, i just don't go there!

Giggle. i've never mentioned this before but i love for a man to lie on me, his weight almost chrushing me. Yes girl, that does feel ever so good! Let me tell you a secret about me; i love to be sat on, that can be so.... intimate! Whew!

Ok, you seem to be a good writter with a firm grasp of "the Kings' English" so write what you feel, how it started, where it is now, and where you want it to lead. i WILL post it! It isn't nessisary to get into all the details or use "gutter" language. All you have to do is TRY to express yourself. You don't even have to get it right (the first time). The important part is to GET IT OUT! Here's a clue; you don't have to understand what bondage is (no one does!) Just admit that it is a part of you. Take the good parts and leave the rest.

Well girl, i recomend you keep being anonymous. Open your mind and let this stuff inside of you just pour out. Send me what you want about whatever parts of bondage you feel a need to discuss and i'll edit it for you, send back what i think is pertinate (with or without comments as per your instuctions) and we'll hammer this out. Deal?

Kisses Master Chris' slave shevette

Hi Ava!

"i know you are being serious (having read all your letter) but i can't pass up the chance to make a quip about where you say "...and I live somewhere in the Midwest...". i just have to say 'Gee, that must make it a real challenge when going home at night!'"

i felt kinda funny includding that remark in my letter, but figured i just had to do it to be me.... Now i feel really really small having done it. You are so intense here and i can remember when i was like that. i still get intense but i have developed a sense of "here i am, i'm not perfect and i know that no one else is either....."

Adolescence is a pain for everyone. We think we finally have things figured out until we mature some and realize no one does and that is what our whole lives are for - figuring out life. The secret is to not let the mistakes and pain of adolescence maim us so bad that we can't go out and better ourselves.

Do you know what would be even worse than being different than the norm? -Being the norm! i have nightmares about "vanilla" sex - or "vanilla" anything! Some people only have sex in the "missionary" position! Yes! Can you imagine doing that ALL your life. Talk about not normal!

I think I just realized that maybe I've always thought of bondage as something men enjoy, and, like so many other things, my upbringing as a girl taught me that "good girls" shouldn't like that kind of thing. I've never looked at it that way before -- just writing this is starting to help!

It does help to get things out. It's like a gift in that it is twice blessed, blessed by the giver, blessed by the reciever. Thank you.

Thinking of the times i slipped my hands under my pillow and did the same thing...

He had the type of personality which was low-key, but once you got to know him, you realized how dominating it really was. He seemed to know so much about everything I was interested in, and he seemed to be genuinely interested in teaching me. He was confident, and occasionally I'd see him be a little bit arrogant, but only enough to make him more attractive. I found myself watching the clock until he'd arrive. Sometimes I'd make some extra work for myself just to stay a little later when I knew he'd be there for a while.

We started getting coffee together, and even having dinner now and then (usually something fast-food, or pizza). I couldn't believe how well he and I connected -- like we were two facets of the same soul. I'd talk to my boyfriend on the phone, and he'd ask me why I was so euphoric all the time. I wasn't proud of it, but I was completely in love with someone else by that point. (This was the complicated part that I'm not ready to discuss yet.)

(Ok, share what you want, just don't feel that i will mock you for telling me too much. You are doing great. Tell what you must. Tell what you want. Tell what makes you feel better. i feel that this is hard for you so i won't push.)

i understand - do i ever!

It wasn't until the next week when we got together outside of work again. I invited him over to my apartment for dinner, and to "watch movies." (I don't think either of us really believed that part much.)

After we were kidding for a little while, he took both of my hands in his, but he pulled them and crossed them behind my back. He didn't pin me; he kept my hands inside his own, but he held on as he kissed my neck. He would have let go immediately if I had tried to move my arms back to the front, but I didn't want to. I told him how good it felt, which surprised me as much as anyone. But I didn't think there was anything I couldn't tell him.

I led him into my bedroom, and as we were near the bed, he reached around my waist from behind and hugged me into his chest. I could feel his chin on top of my head, and feel his heart beat. He started unbuttoning my blouse, and as his lips danced around my neck and jawline, I was ready to faint. I think I was shivering as I felt the material slide down my arms and fall to the floor. He moved so fluidly, and it seemed like my body was moving on its own to help him take off my skirt.

My eyes were closed, but I could feel him undoing his clothes, too -- I heard his tie come out of his collar, and he unbuttoned his shirt.

But then he took me at the shoulders and started to slide his hands down my arms. I could feel he had his tie in his hand. He maneuvered my wrists together behind me, and I felt the tie wrap around them, loosely, gently, slowly. I knew he was waiting for me to tell him to stop, and I knew he would have immediately. But I didn't. As I felt the tie tighten to the point where I was helpless, my knees started to give out. I was overwhelmed by the power of being so completely under his control. I fell back into his body, and felt the bare of the skin on my shoulders and back meet his bare chest. I couldn't stand on my own, and he knew it; he picked me up and put me on the bed.

I don't think I want to go into the rest; the point of this was to decribe the feelings I was having when I had my first real bondage experience. My fingers are trembling even now, as I think about it.

So edit away. But tell me what you think.

Edit? Whew! It's so beautiful the way it is! The only thing lacking is more! It's so romantic! The first few times for me were kinda one-sided. i had to trick the guys into tying me up. Once they got the idea they were all for it though. Maybe it was because of the fact that i'm from the bible belt. i have been so immersed in the net recently that when i had a conversation lately with a guy i thought was cool he surprised me by reminding me just how closed minded people are around here. The thing that puzzeles me is the fact that i came to accept all kinds of things as i grew older (i'm 32), but so many people around me never bothered to learn about bondage, free-thinking, and taking people for what they are. Sometimes the fact that i can welcome all of these new things is what makes me feel weird, not the fact that i like being tied up.

The way i look at it is; anything two consenting adults want to do is cool - as long as it's not destructive. While bondage can make for a destructive relationship, it doesn't have to - that's what i go for. The missionary-postion-for-life is a heck of a lot more destructive in my book.....

Tell me more. This interests me alot. You lucked out and got to do the "You Tarzan, me Jane" stuff right off the bat. Have you had any more bondage experiences?

Kisses
Master Chris' slave shevette

Hi Ava!

I'm taking a little break from studying for exams. I hate them!

Tell me about it! i'm taking some courses at a local school to brush up on all this new net stuff. i'm learning alot but it's about to drag me down. i wish i had learned this stuff when i was i school before. The older you get the harder it is to learn, i feel like i'm a hundred already!

i don't even want to come close to offending you, yer nice! i know how the written word can so easily be mis-interpreted so i often say what i'm thinking and then go back to explain it just to be sure i don't give anyone the wrong idea about what i mean.

"Thinking of the times i slipped my hands under my pillow and did the same thing..."

Yep, we think alike. Bondage is weird. There used to be a guy on the net who called himself SM Lover or something like that. He had all these sayings about SM/Ds/BDSM that showed how we all seem to have common threads of thought. It has often been said that bondage stems from some primal memory that many of us share. i dunno. Bondage defies description so i don't even try to figure it out anymore. i just enjoy it and i'm grateful for it.... go figure.

"Tell what makes you feel better. i feel that this is hard for you so i won't push."

You are very welcome. We've all been in the same boat.

"Edit? Whew! It's so romantic!"

?

Is it hot in here or is it just me? You were lucky to find a man like that. He sounds great!

"The first few times for me were kinda one-sided. i had to trick the guys into tying me up."

i'm an enigma. i can be shy at times and yet i'm an extrovert at other times. Vanilla sex is good for me but sex with bondage is at least great. Needless to say i try to get bondage as much as is decent - maybe just a little bit more than decent (it's a story of biological clocks and why we get to our sexual prime at 30-35 - but that's another story...) i've done everything from leaving a pair of handcuffs on the coffee table when i was expecting a particular guy to come over to getting a guy to carry me to a movie where there's a tie-up scene just so i can "discuss" it with him after wards.

When i first accepted the fact that it was alright to want and let a guy tie me up for some fun i was very shy about it. i'd see something on TV where some girl was tied up and ask some descrete questions or maybe just a light comment about it. Before college i had tried to repress my desires for bondage. It took college-life to break me out of my shell and realize that while i liked the idea of being tied up i didn't want anyone to hurt me. When i first began making overtures that it might be fun to let the guy tie me up i was very shy about it. i'd use lines like, "Oh that's silly! They have her hands tied in front so why doesn't she just pull the gag from her mouth and scream for help? i think i could do that if you had me tied up like that!" or, "Look how they did the ropes! They are so loose that i'll bet that i could get free if you had me tied up just like that!"

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve! giggle

"Sometimes the fact that i can welcome all of these new things is what makes me feel weird, not the fact that i like being tied up."

"The way i look at it is; anything two consenting adults want to do is cool -"

Bless you sister! i really lost a lot of years because i was so repressed about bondage.

"Tell me more. Have you had any more bondage experiences?"

He was a little reluctant to gag me, since he liked kissing me too much. But I'll confess to being a little bit loud, and sometimes he was happy to subdue my wailing in his thin-walled apartment . . . :)

There was another night when we did a little bit of role playing, if you can call it that. We didn't plan it -- it just sort of worked itself out. We were talking about police procedures, and improper searches. We talked about frisking and patdowns. I won't bore you with all of it, but we started joking about the right way to do a patdown. He made a point, and I put my hands against the wall and told him to show me exactly what he meant. When he came up behind me, my heart was pounding loudly enough for me to hear it, and I was sure he could, too. We didn't say a word after that, and when he came up behind me (certainly closer than any cop would on a real patdown), I could feel the warmth of his breath against my cheek. He started by putting both of his hands over mine, and then slowly coming down my arms, over the elbows and stopping on my body, under my arms. I leaned forward a little bit, and my lower body touched his while he waited, the tips of his fingers so very close to my breasts. And then he continued, ever so slowly covering my breasts with his hands, and then continuing down my abdomen. I was wearing a tight pair of jeans, and as his long fingers reached the front of my pelvic area, his thumbs slid under the waist of the jeans. He moved his hands around back (to make sure I had no weapons in my back pockets!), and then down my buttocks, and then under, between my thighs. I remember yelping a little bit there, and then he searched the insides of my legs, down to the knee.

He came back up the front of my legs, and stopped right in the area that by that time was very, very wet. He slowly moved his hand in and out from between my legs a few incredible times. He unbuttoned the jeans and opened them, but only to pull my shirt out. As he began to slide the shirt up my body, I pressed my full arms and a cheek against the wall.

He removed the shirt over the top of my hands, and then he brought my arms down, methodically, behind my back.

He didn't know exactly what to do at that point, since he had nothing to tie me with. Then he removed his belt, an old leather-weave thing, and was able to tighten it enough to keep my hands behind me.

Which was only a stopgap measure, as it turned out, because then he sat me down in a kitchen chair and told me not to go anywhere. He went into his bedroom and came back with a pair of plastic toy handcuffs. We had talked about using handcuffs before, but I wasn't sure about them because of the pain that the metal might cause. The plastic ones seemed a sensible way to start, though that night, at that point, I could have handled the real thing.

He cuffed me, and removed the belt. Then he said he was going to interrogate me until I confessed. He unclasped my bra (front-close) and let it fall down around my wrists. I told him that was a constitutional violation, and he said he wasn't finished violating yet.

It was cold in the kitchen, and my nipples reacted. He saw that, smiled, and immediately set to one of them with his tongue while he teased the other with his thumb. He kissed my chest and throat and abdomen, and my mouth, many times. He started kissing my shoulders and went from one to the other across my back. Again he cupped my breasts in his hands as his kisses burned behind my ears and on the back of my neck.

I begged him to take me someplace warmer. He led me to the bedroom, and sat me on the bed. Then he laid me back and finally removed my jeans and panties, at the same time. He teased me much like he had at other times, but this night he let me shriek as a loudly as I wanted.

But I never did confess!

Good for you! (Besides they try harder when you won't confess - dirty coppers! Giggle)

i didn't interupt you but let me interject a few things here.

When i came up i was very much afraid to let a guy tie me up and at the same time i wanted even more to be tied up. As a stopgap measure i used to tie myself up. i learned a lot that way. All in all, i'm glad i tried self bondage (something you have to be very careful with because you could get tied up so well that you couldn't get loose.)

That having been said let me mention handcuffs. A lot of people don't like them. They can hurt and it's not hard to get bruises on your wrists and ancles. i love being handcuffed though. See, when i did self bondage handcuffs were the only way i could REALLY get tied up and not have a prayer of escape (except for the key which i kept handy!) i wish i could find a pair that fit me right though, they are deffinately made to accomidate a man's wrists! When i get in a hot session i will pull against them without even knowing it so sometimes i'll have bruised wrists for days. Light chains are what i stick with now. They are just as unescapable, fit me better, no bruising, and use a key!

Something i missed out on because i did start out with self bondage was gags. Gags are dangerous and should never be used unless you have someone with you. Never sleep in a gag. Now that i have a partner using a gag is no problem, just make sure they are aware of the safety issues concerned. One thing i like about a gag is how it lets me say things that i thought i'd never ever say. i can talk like a real street slut and as long as the gag is in place then my partner can't ever really be sure what i was saying. It's funny, the more freedom you give up the more you have, huh?

Ok, i gave some of the "tricks" i used to use above. Consider using some varient of them - never use the origional because i have them all under patent protection! Giggle

One other point: you were no expert when you first started off - don't expect all of your partners to be experts either. Sometimes it can be a real joy to "break" someone into the joys of bondage. For one thing you get to try new things and for another you get to show them what really turns YOUR crank! A word of warning; don't try to "top from the bottom." Explain what you want first then let them go with it. If it wasn't what you wanted discuss it afterwards - unless they get just too carried away in the wrong direction. Some guys have a hard time figuring out that while they may be in charge you still hold the power to decide if they are ever going to get another shot at it with you.

Study up on this stuff. Remember we are talking Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Learn about "safe words" and what negotiation is. Learn what your partner is capable of doing and where his lines are drawn then let him know where you are at and where you'd like to go and what is too far. It takes a lifetime to get it perfect - if it didn't you'd get bored!

Yep, me too. i've enjoyed it though....

Yep, how does "slave x" sound? Not everyone goes for the slave thingie so maybe you'd be happier with BondFemX?

The way i look at it is; if i don't pass judgement on others then maybe they won't pass judgement on me. That seems to work pretty good, y'know?

Well, me too, but the weekend is gone and while i did get caught up a bit i'm sure that by the time next weekend i'll be right back under a ton of work. Oh well, such are the pains of being such a great slave..... giggle

Kisses
Master Chris' slave shevette

ps: i want more..... if you'd like

Hi Ava!

"Bondage defies description so i don't....."

*Stopping for a minute from howling at the moon* Gee whiz! Now she's calling me primative! Giggle

Yep, then there's the theory that one or more of my great ansestors was some gal who experienced real slavery and fell in love with her owner. That's not to mention the one about i had a bad childhood so when i grew up i had all these repressed desires because my dady used to spank me - which is related to the theory that i'm looking for a father figure theory or the one that says i like bondage because i'm trying to escape the world/reality, or the one where we all has this latent image or ect.

Hey! Who cares! Gimme more! Right?

Too romantic, maybe, for its own good.

i'm trying to picture this guy. He was a "bad boy," right? Yep, i forgot to mention the theory where women are suposed to be attracted to guys who are bad for them... ect.

i've met a lot of people on the net; one of them being D.R. Darke. He's a good friend. When he discovered that i was still single he advised me not to get all ga-ga over some guy because the sex and the bondage was good. He told me to be sure i was in love with whoever i chose first, last and always - then consider the bondage end of the deal.

i can see dropping a guy, no matter how romantic, because he dosen't have the same set of values you need to live with him for life. Bonnie should have considered this when she met Clyde. What we are talking about here is finding a life-long companion, a soul-mate, a husband. Yas, i can agree with you that though a guy may be really super, if his life style is something that you can't live with then don't live with him! That kind of relationship while intense and fulfilling is not the lasting kind. Sure leaves behind a lot of fond memmories though...

i had this guy that i would have married and i thank God that i didn't. It was a torid relationship - not at first though. We had reasonably good sex, lots of bondage, and things were reasonably good most of the time with some really great times mixed in. It wasn't what i thought i was looking for. i require a lot of attention and i just didn't feel like i was getting all that i deserved. Finally i decided that we needed to cool our jets and i tried to get him outta my mind.

The first week or two weren't too bad but then i began having these crying jags and i really wanted to get back with him - in one way while on the other hand i wanted to go on with my life. We were still in touch though which i was hoping would make the pain of parting easier to live with. Ok, so i was younger then....

One night he wanted me to come over to his place to help him with something. Something to do with his computer - maybe i had left a bunch of files on it while i had been staying there. Right now i don't remember what it was. We were in his home office and i was doing whatever it was that i was suposed to be doing when he pulls out his handcuffs. i tell him he can just put those things away and go back to work. Through all this he is drinking and becoming slightly inebriated while feeding me wine so i was a little tipsy myself. i thought i was just feeling good but evidently my inhibitions had been loosened up a bit too.

When he drags out the handcuffs a second time i agree to let him put them on me for "old time's sake." He put them on me, hands in front, and then he wouldn't take them off! i really freaked! The next thing i know he drags me off to his bed and ties me down. i am in full panic mode and screaming and begging for all i'm worth. He lives in the country so no one heard my pleas, no one came to save me.

He did not rape me. He just wouldn't let me go. Finally he fell asleep and so did i. The next morning i woke in half-panic. He woke sober. He released me and begged me not to go to the police. He told me that he needed me so bad that he hadn't been able to help himself, he said he loved me. Since he released me first then begged i took what he said to heart and decided not only to not report him to the police but to accept him back! i told him that while he had scared me half to death there was something there. i went into complete slave mode. i was his captive, his slave and that was the relationship - i loved being his.

What followed was a 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle. i was in chains almost constantly. He had two kids, which i got along with great, and we kept all the tying up stuff hidden from them. Things were great. i was finally what i dreamed of being, a love slave. Did i mention things were great? i mean really really great! For awhile...

Things began to cool but i was still kept in the chains and i tried to make that do and to adjust to this new lifestyle. i figured i had things to learn and there was going to be an adjustment period. The problem was things kept cooling down. i felt more and more like slave labour instead of love slave. Finally he came home one night and i could smell another woman's perfume on him! He had been cheating on me. i found some more evidence of his infidelity and confronted him with my suspicions. At first he denied it then came out with the "I am Master, you are slave!" version.

i'm a one-man woman and i expect - no, make that "demand"- that my men be one-women men. He did his song and dance but i got my tail outta there! i don't do that!

So in conclusion i'd like to say.... now what were we talking about? Questions?

Yes, i can see where sometimes you have to leave some of them behind...

Lemme regroup. This is a hurting memory for me. There were other things going on at the same time that i haven't told you about....

i'll have to answer the rest of your letter later...

Kisses
MCss

Hi Ava!

Yep, then there's the theory that one or more of my great ansestors was some gal who experienced real slavery and feel in love with her owner.

Gee, i don't really believe in past lives. i guess it's not impossible though.

"He was a 'Bad Boy?'"

So what was the matter with him i reguards to day to day stuff. Not perky enough? Dull?

Well, that's not exactly it. It's not that we had different values, or that we ultimately would have led different lifestyles. We wanted so many of the same things. We both wanted the same career, and wanted to live in the same place, in the same type of house. I think he would have been a great father, and I know he would have loved me like he did no one else.

Our relationship was not about sex or bondage -- I've only told you about four or five (admittedly exciting!) incidents in the entire nine-months relationship. Most of the time, we spent talking about art and philosophy and movies and poetry and theatre. If there is such a thing as a soul mate, he was mine. Or at least one of them.

I just couldn't picture us playing house . . . paying bills, getting appliances fixed, mowing the lawn -- all that every day stuff. I don't think that's what our relationship was about. We had the emotions, the dreams, the passions . . . but that seems to be more for storybooks and movies than for everyday living. Maybe I made a mistake -- a huge one -- and I missed out on the happiness of a lifetime. But for better or worse, I made the decision I felt I had to make. Do I wonder if I made the right one? Yes. A lot.

I know you're being very supportive to me, and I appreciate that. I guess I didn't get across what I had intended to earlier.

Ok, let's try the "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" theology. Men sometimes go for the long term goals where we go for the practical small term ones leading up to the big stuff...... something like that???

---my abduction story---

The 24/7 stuff was great. i don't know how it would have felt after a couple more months though. He did make it work and i just kinda molded myself to fit whatever was going on. It was a lot of fantasy, but i needed it like that. i think that if i was ever really ever abducted i would feel gyped. i was his precious jewel and his property. It made me feel special and satisfied my need for attention, but how it could have realistically lasted i don't know. Maybe i was hanging on to see if the good times could last like that. It was deffinately an adventure and i should be grateful to him for that, but i've just got to hate him because he thought he could have other women too. i just don't like the thought of sharring a man. My roots are kinda down-home-country and despite all the progress i have made to be a "free thinker" there are some of the old values that remain.

They lived there. Every other weekend the ex would get them (she was a witch) and there was an aunt that wanted them as much as he'd let them go. He wasn't pawning them off all the time (gotta give him credit for that.) Durring the week they'd get off the school bus at their aunt's house and get home after he did so he could have me fettered from the time they went to bed. He'd get up in the morning and take them to school so i wouldn't see them until five that evening. While he was gone to work i'd be in light bondage (hands in front, long chain on ancles). At first that was scary but i kinda liked it - not completely, just kinda. When i got used to being alone he gave me chores to do out of the house (way back in the country, wooded area, no surprise visits from the nieghbors) which kept the addrenilin level up. He plowed up some land near the house and told me to tend it. That really answered something inside me - getting out in the dirt on my hands and knees and thinking how i was going to make thins grow just for us. i did have someone pop in one day and couldn't get back to the house in time so i had to just lay flat between some of the rows in the garden and wait forever until the person left. Scary but somehow arousing.

It's one of those things that doesn't make a whole lot of sense until it happens to you - but then that's almost the definition of bondage, huh?

Lemme regroup. This is a hurting memory for me.

Gotta go.

A.

Hi Ava!

Like-wise, after the sex i want to get loose - normally. It depends on the "scene" that's going on. If i'm playing good little slave to some guy and we have sex that night i want to get free and get cleaned up, but if i think he might be able to have some more sex then, sure, tie me up again - even all night (not too severe, please). Ever wake up tied up? Devine feeling! Kinda sets the mood for the day, if you know what i mean....

Here's where we go back to the written word not conveying the whole meaning clearly. Don't get the idea that i'm some kind of hell-cat who lives to be tied up all the time. That's not me, not exactly. i am getting near that stage of life where i know the biological clock is begining to tick down and my body is figthing it tooth and nail. Translation: i am more sexually peaked now than at any time in my life. From what i read i'll be like this for maybe five years (if i'm lucky) then my sex drive should begin to slowly wain (i sure hope not!)

Right now i am getting the best sex ever and it is my intention to take advantage of that. Quite frankly though, if i had my druthers, i would be married and maybe churning out kids. i should already have a brood tugging on my apron strings...

i feel like i may be missing out on something and i guess maybe that's why i'm so driven by bondage - trying to make up for missing one thing by enjoying something else as much as i can....

"Lemme regroup. This is a hurting memory for me."

"I'm spending a lot of time thinking about a man from my past, and I'm starting to feel a little guilty about it, considering I'm with someone else now. But I think this is stuff that needs to come out."

True. The more we sit back and try to figure out where we are, the more understanding we have, the better we can make our life - or at least how to deal with our situation.

A.

"It helps just to get it out!"

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