Things began to go afowl right off the bat. On my way to the North Pole my car broke down so i had to walk most of the way. When i got there i found out that Santa Clause lives at the SOUTH POLE! Someone write that down for future refference, ok? The guy at the North pole is Satani Claws. Not the same idea at all! i had a very interesting evening before finding that out. i barely got my tail outta there!

After a long swim to the South Pole i met the real McCoy! i'll tell you he was glad to see me! Whew! He didn't know where to use me first. Oh, he's not as old as his pictures. Actually a very nice looking athletic guy!

The first night i spent in the stable. i thought that very odd. The next morning things got even odder! He was going to put me to pulling his sleigh. Well i'm a slave so even though that wasn't what i had hoped for i agreed to learn how to do it. i tried my best but never did get to pull his sleigh at all. First he put the harness on me and there was a lot to it; all kinds of straps and buckles and rings and stuff. By the time he got through harnessing me there was no way to pull a sleigh, walk or even stand up!

One good point though, i did learn how to fly! Yeah well, it's not all that great, believe me! See, Santa has this thing that looks like a.... a.... can i say phallis? Well anyway it was a small one and the secret was he let it sit in the snow overnight then he sticks it where the sun dosen't shine. You'd fly too, huh?

i tried decorating Christmas trees but that didn't work either. i kept getting tied to the tree....

In the workshop i did a little better. Those elfs were very happy that i came! Besides Mrs. Clause i was the only female at the pole (so that's why they call it the South pole - should be south poles though....) Anyway they kept getting distracted. i could tell because they kept wrapping me up instead of the packages! It was kinda funny. Mrs. Clause came in and got upset though. She may have been mad before she ever got to the workshop because she was carrying a bullwhip and did she ever know how to use it! Wow! No wonder those elfs have been working for free for all these years!

Anyway, i was placed under arrest for the night and the next day i was led to a sled and deported. Oh well. i tried, right?

Ok, ok! So don't shoot me already! Gee whiz! i just hope you enjoyed this little parody on Christmas. Maybe i'll just have j ship me off to Master Chris. i'm sure he'll know what to do with me!
Yum, yum! Giggle

SERIOUSLY though, Christmas is a time of joy, a time to be with family, and a time to remember the Lord. Remember His birthday, he is the Master of us all!