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| This page is about the nicest part of bondage... | Growing! | This is from one of the readers of The Bondage Guide. |
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 i put up a Bondage Guide a while back Here is a letter i got... |
Hello shevette,To introduce myself... i'm [name maimed]. i am a divorced, single 28 year old woman and mother of 2.
i just wanted to thank you for your wonderful insights on the web page. i have been meeting all sorts of people on the internet. ICQ has been great to me, letting me learn all kinds of things. A while ago i met a man, and we got to talking, and He told me He was into BDSM... i didn't know what to think, but having a fairly open mind, and a curiosity for such things began asking Him many questions. What He told me surprised me... i'd always thought that bondage was all "tied" in with all sorts of really perverted things. (pun sort of intended)
Understand that i've always had a kink for things not quite "normal" in the bedroom, and have ruined the mood more than once by bringing up the subject with my man... "Hey hon... How would you feel about tying me up tonight? Just for fun?" "silence" After i scared away 3 different boyfriends with that one, i gave up asking. To be honest, it wasn't just the unusual request, i have had trouble keeping a man's respect after i've fallen in love with him. i am and have always been very submissive towards the men i've loved. And i suppose it comes across as a weakness on my part.
i have not been with a man for 3 years, hoping that whatever it is about me that turns them off, will resolve itself... That i can figure out how to be bitchy and aloof... i've been turning down dates and avoiding situations where i may become close to a man... Because it hurts a lot to give yourself, as much as i do, to a man and then discover he doesn't want that much of you.
The usual reactions after the first few weeks or months of bliss are either ; The man becomes accustomed to me jumping to do anything that would please him, and the thanks and the encouragement are soon replaced by irritation and disgust. Expecting me to do everything and want nothing in return. Insulting or snarling if he doesn't think i'm "serving" his needs. Or the other one, even more common is: He just doesn't want to be served at all. He becomes confused, because of my attitude towards him, many men are unwilling to be spoiled by a woman. Then comes the back off speech, or (haha) we're moving too fast, when i've never even brought up a word about commitment.
i suppose that's why i wanted to write to you. i only came across this site today, someone sent me the url over ICQ. And the first link i went to was shevette's Bondage Guide! And after reading what you wrote, i was so thrilled that my own conclusions about this are very close to your own. i loved the part where you went through some of the theories about it. Because i've considered many of them myself, and discarded them. (i did laugh at the caveman reference though, having a caveman fantasy i'd like to play with sometime.) But i had a fine and normal childhood, both my parents loved me, and i wasn't abused or ignored. The strangest thing about me was my fascination with certain things and images... before i even knew what sex was, i was enthralled with the image of dracula standing over the helpless woman's bed, about to bite her neck. Or the mustached villain tying the heroine to the railroad tracks... That part turned me on way more than when the hero came to rescue her in the nick of time. Dangerous, scary things always have thrilled me.
But like you, i am not masochistic... i don't want to be beaten and bloody. i would never stand for abuse... i don't like pain... so why would the thought of being spanked turn me on so much? i'm not weak. So why would i want to submit to a man? i'm smart and independent, so why do i long to be bound and dominated? Questions without answers i suppose. Well there is an answer actually. Because that's the way it is. That's the way i am.
Not to say i'm just like you, because i've only looked around a little at your site so far, and although we share many of the same interests... you're obviously far more disciplined and experienced than i am. Never having had a good Master or Dom or whatever you'd call Him, i can't know what it's like. But i see you as very happy and content with your situation, and i understand it completely. That is what i would like for myself (and the Man i would be with)
No questions for you, just felt like sharing. Also to compliment your artwork, better than mine, i haven't practiced very much since my children were born. Also i'm looking forward to reading your book. Another thing i would and could do if i had any amount of discipline. i usually stick to short stories or poems.
You have my respect, (and just the tiniest bit of envy) because you have found your place in life, and embraced what makes you special. Because of you and others like you, i am feeling hopeful about my own situation... i know now that i'm not alone, and even more importantly that my feelings and desires are not wrong, and they aren't something i need to get over before i can find love.
Thanks to you, and to your Master for this wonderful site. And congratulations... *smile*
Most respectfully... [name maimed].
Thank you for the kind words. i did the Bondage Guide with one person in mind - and she doesn't even know who she is! i felt like it might strike some chords for some women and a some guys too. i'm not an expert and i'm as lost as anyone. The idea is to tell people about what you feel. That's what you just did with your letter, and i'll bet that what you said will help some people. You've done a good thing, thank you!
Just a few comments on this...First off, to the guys out there who think there aren't any women who they can find who like bondage... she sounds like another one!
To name maimed, just as there are guys out there who don't believe that there are bondage partners available you shouldn't believe that either. The secret to sucess is to start - and don't stop! God made a man for every woman! We wouldn't be much fun to watch if we were all mis-matched pairs, now would we?
Believe in yourself! i'm an A-type personality. That means i pick myself up no matter how many times i've been pushed down - and it's been more than once! Do not go at it just like last time, though. Try to learn something from everything that happens. The good things teach me that i'm doing something right, and the bad things teach me that i did something wrong, or with the wrong person.
Do not take what has happened to you in the past and use it as a reason to give up on bondage. Maybe what you need to give up on is the guys you've been seeing. Just because you may think that you have a slave's heart do not go after the guys who aren't top quality. As a slave you are valuable, you are good, you are precious, and you will find the right combination! Listen to what the guys you are with tell you, if it's good advice then take it! Take it and use it! If it's bad advice then maybe what you need to do is drop the guy as well as the advice...
There's no simple answer to life. Do the best that you can. You may not get it right the first time out (it wouldn't be any fun anyway), but you can get it right the last time!
Thanks again.
Kisses
shevette
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