shevette Speaks...	Just my feelings on what a sub is.
	It's great! For me... What is a sub?	..but it's not right for everyone. Unlike hugs, one size does not fit all. Tomi Ma'am would be just as unhappy if she had to be a sub all the time as i would be if i had to be a top all the time. And we'd both be miserable being vanilla all the time! That's not to say that i believe anyone is happy being vanilla - just not as happy as they could be...

So many words in our dictionary for me to maim! Already it's showing that Tomi Ma'am is a lot better spokesperson than me, but i will try to tell you what it is for me to be a sub...

Hmmm, will need to think on this for a day or two.
i'll use words words like loving, caring, supportive? For sure!

Surprise folks, Dominates and subs are both people! We both have feelings! How many times has a Dominater forgotten that his little subbie-poo is a person with limits - and needs? How many times have i nearly forgotten that the Top has his limits and needs?

It shames me to think of how close i have come to doing that especially when all i need to remember is that the other person is just like me - except the other person is fulfilling a dream/fantasy/need/desire to be over me. And that's the exciting stuff! Exciting because it let's me answer the callings inside me! And to make it even more exciting, i get to help my lover answer the needs they have! And that makes me humble.

It is often enough said (now-a-days) that the gift of submission that a sub brings to her Master is indeed a special gift to be treasured and respected. The oppisite is just as true; the gift my Master gives to me by being willing to tame, train, and tie me is just as valuable. To give my all is best when it is recieved...

Tomi Ma'am and i were talking the other day and i told her that why anyone would want to be a Dominate just escapes me, i don't understand that at all. i am just grateful as all get out that there are people out there who are willing to give that of themselves, and enjoy it. She explained to me that the feel of a whip in her hands feels just as good to her as handcuffs on my wrists feel to me. That makes sense. It's still hard for me to understand. Of course the idea of wanting to be tied up or serving isn't all that logical either. Some of us want to serve or know that serving a lover brings a certain kind of satifaction. i supose that some people should enjoy it, but it's more than that.

There don't seem to be the proper words in the english language to describe what goes on in a Dom/sub relationship. Taking is nowhere close to the extracting the best from me that i can give. Taking doesn't describe the feeling of recieving the passion of someone enraptured in the giving that i recieve.

"Making love" is an expression we use to mean two people in sexual congress. The problem is that there can be no true making of love without love. Bondage without love is a bad thing, just as "making love" without love is. Digging potatos in the garden with love is good and potato-digging is NOT my all-time favorite thing to do - loving is! i would no sooner accept a tie-up without love than to give myself without love...

It occured to me that maybe that is what i do. Could it be possable that way back in my mind i remember a simular event in my childhood that i am trying to recapture? Maybe.

But where did the idea come from for her - or him?

It's easy for me to see where thoughts of being helpless can come from. There have been times when i have begged a tie up when i was down and feeling beat-up by the whole world. At least when i was tied up i could understand where it was coming from, instead of feeling the pain of taxes, a hard day at work, or the car on the edge of giving out on me. Bondage gives me freedom. It's something that's very real and i can understand it. i don't understand the why of bondage though, i never will. Why do almost all people fantasize about it? i don't know and i don't care - just as long as i get to share it!

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Let's look at the list Tomi Ma'am asked me to write up.

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"What is it that you want to get out of your experience in this world of BDSM? "

Satisfaction. i have had these needs since forever and i want to satisfy them. Probably not what the question meant. i guess i should say that i want the same things out of bondage that i want out of life. i want to be me, to be free (and there's no greater freedom in this world than being tied up), i want to be happy, and i want to share my life with someone i love.

"A list of everything you would be willing to do or that you might like to try."

What do i want to do? Easier to say what i don't want - the list is shorter. i want to share, to give. i'd love to try living the rest of my days as a sub (almost as a slave - but that's impossable, really), i am willing try almost anything once, most things twice even. i love long term bondage. To date my record is a full week of being tied up in some manner and i did two weeks of tied up except when at work, going, or returning home. i did try slavery and while parts of it were good, the overall result was a disaster. As long as it's Safe, Sane, and Consensual it's cool. Sometimes i even like being pushed beyond the 'envelope'.

"A list of things that you would not consider doing."

Doing things anul bother me. Call me a prude but it seems dirty to me. i would be embarassed and i do not get off on that or humiluation. i'm happy to be me and anything that took away from that would not be where i'd like to go. i don't like bruises, cuts, even pin pricks. i can take pain and i know why it's a part of some of the things we do in bondage. i don't think i get pleasure from pain, but i do know that pain can give pleasure. That's two different things. i don't think i can explain, but if you've been there then you know what i mean. It's like being tied up. After awhile it dosen't feel so good and just getting untied again can feel GREAT! In life, in order to appreciate the good it seems you have to have a taste of the bad.

"A list of qualities you are looking for in either your Dominant or submissive."

Someone i can trust, look up to and he will trust me and look up to me too. i want him to be my lover, friend, confidant, and someone i can follow confidantly because i know that he's either going to be always right or if he should ever be wrong it would be at a point where i would also be wrong. i want him to be faithful so that i can give my faithfulness to him. Include honesty, loving, and passionate, also adventuresome and with a joy of life and a sense of humor - he'll really need that! Trust is the most important part though, i will be giving him my heart and my all.

i was talking to someone who was exploring the idea of bondage and he said things that almost made me ashamed to be a sub. In a polite way he mentioned that it is the sub that controls a scene and because she is all tied up all she has to do is just lie there. Do what??

That really took me off guard. Do i just lie there? Well, when i'm hog-tied on the floor i guess i do - some. i do try to get loose and at times i squirm around a lot and i am doing a ton of thinking and feeling...

Maybe he meant that when made love i just lie there because i'm tied up, un-uhn, no, no way, it doesn't happen. i have been hog-tied, been on top and been the one doing all the work - straining to reach climax - and to give climax to my lover. If he had tried bondage with a woman and she didn't move around enough for him all he had to do was untie her enough so she could do enough to make him satisfied. Gee whiz, i've had guys that got off on just watching me squirm around on the floor trying to get to them - and that was fine, as long as they let me re-arouse them once i did manage to get to where i could touch them and they could touch me.

Bondage is not about lying back and letting the other person do all the work! Wow! Bondage is about having one peak after another - until you are worn out - and then resting until you are able to go on and on and on! (Kinda like the way i talk... giggle)

Please feel free to ask questions. Not that we are both experts, but we are both driven to be up front, honest, and even helpful to you. i will soon post the address where we can both be reached. As i can no longer answer email because of what happened to me, i will still read every letter as will Tomi Ma'am. If it's addressed to her she has promised to write back. If it's addressed to me then you will hear a response either thru the newsletter or a mention on the site, i promise.

i send love to each and all who find this site. Reaching out and giving you my gift, my all...

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