Questions ... and Answers

"It's my turn with no more room for lies,
For years I've seen my life through someone else's eyes....
It's my turn to see what I can see,
I hope you'll understand this time's just for me."

--Diana Ross, "It's My Turn"
(words and music by Michael Masser and Carole Bayer Sager)

Questions are a major part in the life of every TG. Why do I do this? Why am I like this? Or my favourite, which someone asked once in our chat room, "Why does it feel so good to wear a dress?"

I can't answer these; I don't imagine anybody can. What I do know is that I do this, I am like this, and it feels very good indeed to wear a dress. I just don't know why.

There are other questions, of course, but one of the most important questions we all face is the simple, why me? And then we fight it, we set it aside, we deny it until the truth becomes inescapable; at which point we ask, what can I do about it?

This is the point where I found myself some time ago. I had managed to accept myself--a difficult process where I stopped fighting, and stopped denying it--and now, I was at the point where I was asking what I should do about it.

I wasn't sure what to do. I had heard the stories and read the web pages of my friends in the community, and had learned what I could from each of them. Each has her own story to tell, and I listened to them all.

I found, however, that the ones who were undergoing therapy struck a chord with me. They were examining their conditions, they were taking the various paths that would lead them to where they could finally achieve a measure of peace with themselves; a balance, if you will. That balance might be found through hormones or other medical procedures, or it might be found by simply talking with a professional. The important thing is that they knew that they had to go beyond simply dressing occasionally, and they went looking for help.

That was what I decided to do. I asked my family doctor about it during my annual physical, and while he was initially a little taken aback, he did refer me to the local Gender Identity Clinic. I spoke with a psychiatrist at the clinic, and to make a long story short, I will soon begin working with them to find my balance.

And I feel good about it. I'm going to get help, and I hope to find some of the answers to the questions that have plagued me throughout my life. And if a major life change is indicated--as I think it will be--then I'll face it happily and confidently, secure in the knowledge that I have made the right decision, and knowing that I am going to finally fulfil my true potential.

Wish me luck!

-- Lynne

Questions? Comments? Just want to say hi? Send me a message:

lynnemca@hotmail.com

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