Understanding and the Gift

"I've looked at life from both sides now...."

--Joni Mitchell, "Both Sides Now"

You often hear the transgendered speak of their "gift." Part of that gift is the gift of understanding more than most people do. That might seem fine on the surface, but prior to one's acceptance, there us an undercurrent that has the potential to be frightening in its scope.

What do I mean by this? Well, I cannot speak for all members of the community, but in my experience, it was something that affected many of my relationships with women as I was growing up. I have many memories of wanting to talk with girls like another girl did--think back to when you were in your teens and early twenties and you'll understand the situation I was in. The girls had their secrets, they almost had their own language, and boys weren't privy to it. But their communications between themselves went much deeper than those between the boys.

Boys were supposed to be awkward adolescents, more interested in sports and cars and girls than they were interested in communicating. Girls never expected much in the way of deep conversation from them, and never received much anyway. For in-depth analysis of feelings, of impressions, and of so many other things, girls turned to other girls.

Now, imagine that you are a boy who can communicate with the girls in the way that they do among themselves. Certainly, it facilitates things--you understand their way of thinking and their conversational methods come easily to you. I had many deep conversations with girls as an adolescent, and I was indeed told that a talk with me was like talking with a close girlfriend. But what you're not prepared for is the end result of those conversations: "You're a wonderful friend, but...."

And that is where is becomes frightening, because the people you are drawn to think that as a man, you want one thing. As a result, they don't want to let you get too close. And the people whose group you were born into--men--don't communicate in the way that you and the women do, and you have very little in common anyway. The prospect of life without an understanding companion was looming, and that was not a pleasant one.

The picture is not quite as bleak as that. Many of us have some kind of special relationship going on; we are not all lonely people. But we must have done something along the line to make ourselves be noticed.

Perhaps it was just growing up, but it could have been just what I've been discussing--the gift of understanding. As we grew up, those adolescent things became less important, and adult things became more so. We all--women and men--needed an understanding partner to help us through the pitfalls of adulthood, and I think some of the girls were glad to find that there were people like us who could understand them.

But that is the gift: we understand people much better than most do. It enables us to communicate with the other half of the human race, to understand their way of thinking, and to see all sides of an issue. That is a rare gift indeed, and I am glad I was given it.

-- Lynne

Questions? Comments? Just want to say hi? Send me a message:

lynnemca@hotmail.com

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