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Integration
I realized recently that I was living a separate, fragmented life. Creativity and expression of my personal journey towards the light I viewed as separate from my activities in search of a mate.
Life talks to us through events in our daily activities. Recent potent events have urged me to integrate my spiritual journey with my desire for companionship. Stepping Out of The Closet describes how I have felt for many years, that accepting myself without condemnation is more important than announcing my sexual preferences to others.
Integrating the facets of my being is leading to new creativity and opportunity. Anyone who is close to me already knows about my circumstances. Those not close to me don't need to know such personal things, any more than I need to know personal details about a co-worker.
These are all personal choices. I don't wish to tell anyone what to do. I feel that someone may benefit from my reflections and dredgings, and so I offer them.
In career and other areas, I have gone against the grain to break new ground. Having chosen to seek companionship amongst my own kind, I have also gone against the majority, finding my own way.
At a young age, from a dysfunctional family, I sought fraternity amongst my brothers. I believed that other men who had been rejected because of their sexual preference would support each other.
Some 30 years later, I find very little fraternity amongst gay men. Maybe I've been looking in the wrong places. I do know several people who share my belief in integrity, honesty and the importance of monogamy.
I made a conscious choice to separate myself from those who preach, profess and practice polygamy, "open" relationships, etc. I have no argument with them, but I have experienced the results of my own actions.
I have always been a keen observer of patterns in human activity and relationships.
If I allow myself a liberty or a compromise, then I must allow my mate the same. By observing what others have lived, I see the results of their choices and compromises. I see that what they are living seems to suit them. They seem content with it. But I know that I can be satisfied with nothing less than complete fulfillment, complete participation.
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