LOVE AND DEATH
This page will be a few paragraphs about people who were major influences in my life as an adult. The briefness of some of the statements by no means indicates the influence they played, and in some cases, still play in my mind.
First my immediate family. My father, who always accepted me and any person with whom I associated...no questions asked. This shows me how much he loves me and trusts my judgement. My mother, nurturing, concerned about my values, the paths I walked, the appreciative critic of my stories, poems, and art. A woman embracing a faith and goodness I often questioned. A person who was always there. She died several years ago and my heart will not let her go.
My brother and sister. Both older and wiser in the game of life than myself. For my brother, my lifestyle was difficult to accept. I am very proud of his coming to terms so quickly with the subject. A family man, always keeping busy, supporting his wife and children. The closest in age to me is my sister. During my pre-teen and teen years I felt closer to no one. She was the first person I told about being gay; and to this day I can remember her response "It's O.K.". All my life she has been my best "critic" and one of my best "cheerleaders". Bright, articulate, and a great "debater". She has handled her life in a way I may not have always agreed with, but I have know was correct for her and her family. She continues to be the person I turn to listen about issues in my life.
And last of all, my nieces and nephews who never treated me any different than their "Uncle". And, also, accepted those individuals that were a part of my life into "the family".
First Lover - College
As the saying goes we always remember our first love. He was bright, a music major, two years older and a patient and forgiving heart. After the turmoil of being outed and subsequent behavior towards me, he made me feel safe. Unfortunately, he died within months of our meeting in a driving accident. It took a long time to understand what I would do. I was without a "safe" place.
Second Lover - Houston
Six years older than me who sought me with vigor. Eventually we got together and I became part of the "in" crowd. He was very bright and had majored in business but had no talent on how one "plays the game" to advance himself. So, now being in politics, I took over the role of pushing and pulling the right buttons that after 7 years he had become one of the top officers in an international bank. It was an interesting ride but it ended when he said he had become tired of the "challenge" of living with me and my politics, and just wanted to "settle". We split, and after a few years became close friends again. He died a few years ago of AIDS related complications. I still wonder if we had stayed together if he would be alive today. Was my need to keep myself challenged and involved more important than letting go and take things easier.
Third Lover - Houston - Durham
What a shock this man was to me. Fifteen years younger, a problem with alcohol, drugs and HIV positive! In his field, one of the brightest people I have met. Social skills unprecedented. A person not only challenging but someone who was not afraid to challenge me! When we got together it was one wild ride after another. He accepted his problems with drugs and alcohol and got sober, joined a twelve step group and has been sober to this day. His HIV status was something that over time I was pleased to see him accept and deal with in an appropriate matter. As in all relationships there was good times and bad and with this individual and myself these times seemed to be to the extreme. If you can visualize Fire and Water dancing then you can come close to what this relationship was like. Alas, 11 years later it has ended. A lot of blame on my part, a lot of intervention of other people and ideas, and the circle was broken. We traveled many paths together and my love and best wishes still are with him on this new path he has chosen.
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