Ah, sweet memories that curse my waking with wondering.
Wonder as I watched your child die and another take its place.
And in its coming spoke soft sounds, that in their hearing,
The reality of prophecy was born.
Freedom from me and life with others more earthbound.
Alone am I now, wondering, remembering ritual
That bound me to you not for convenience nor concern,
Not during darkness nor light, but simply desire.
Desire, that wished for unifying of two into one.

And from this union was born addiction.
Ugly and unrelenting in its power,
Sly and cunning in its hiding places.
A thing, without substance,
A shadow, that holds firm the place
Where once your smile, your kiss, your energy lived.
This shade, unwanted and yet needed,
Is now my only companion.
Its eyes look back at visions of home and I am safe,
Ears bring sounds, crisp as cracking ice on a frozen pond,
Of long ago laughs and childish tricks and I smile.
Mouth, lips, so like yours, speak words of endearment,
And pledges of a love beyond life and I want to believe.
Sweet shadow, stay awhile and witness,
How wide the emptiness within me becomes.
How weak I grow in your presence.
The Me that shares space with you, cries out
To climb the mountain, to look once more into the candle
And leave you in the land of Was And Nevermore.
But I have loved and lain and been witness to amazing things,
And obsession now binds me to this You, loves illusion twin.
Against the world I fought for this bonding, and having lost,
Find the paradox of pain and comfort in your company.

Kent Speer

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