“Humpty Dumpty Sat On A Wall”
He fights himself awake,
Instinct moves lips and his soul cries
“Not again, please,”
Balancing for a moment
Then uneasily settling
Lying in bed, lying in sweat,
Heart beats slower.
Where and when?
A question answered
Medicinal moonlight paints
Soft strokes of known surroundings
Familiar sigh comes
Hands reach out
This time touching another,
Still and sleeping, unaware
That dark dreams fill dark nights,
And in the Now movement begins again.
Anxious about the journey
The path his mind knows well
Pasts tattooed tales tear
Free from sleepy apparition
And so with eyes closed
Into Alice’s Mirror he goes.
“Humpty Dumpty Had A Great Fall”
Tumbling, Rolling, Tossed,
Turning, he sees the child’s loss.
No more rhymes to come
Hugs that came with kisses
Forgiving smiles and understanding insight
Are lost forever, just a photograph,
In his book of time past.
Unlike Jack and the wick
No matter how nimble
No matter how quick
He feels the heat and the burning begins.
When you wish upon a star,
Makes no difference...
His stares at night’s sky blue
Blank and dark
Alone, he turns and looks,
Towards Love and Blood’s next-in-line.
Small hands reach out
Cramps and grief are all that takes hold.
Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater,
Had a Child But Couldn’t Keep her
Or him or them.
And All the King’s Horses, And All The King’s Men
The bidding and the sale had begun.
Going once, going twice, going three times,
Sold, with promises given and grateful gifts
He leaves his grand old one,
Her withered face familiar,
Tears of a haunting helplessness
Filled her eyes, at his leaving.
A hug, a toy, and a going,
Room filled with smells, sweet with age, gone.
Promises given like soap sud bubbles
Escape into sunlight and then burst, broken
As the toys to few and faulted by the giver
Lie on the floor, in a room, in His house.
The breaking blame is said to be the boys
And not knowing about such,
Definer defines the words anew.
Spoken, broken, fault and failure.
The boy enters this, His, room
And finds the fear.
What Big Teeth You Have,
The Better To Eat You With.
The child waits, sick, saccharine sachets hang in the air,
A snake coiled close to Him
Black with shining silver fangs.
The child waits, His hands hold the serpent,
And He approaches,
Mumbling, rumbling, grumbling.
The child waits, held in place by His face.
The snake strikes again and again,
Standing, held, His face.
Blood streams and red wounds swell,
The fangs long gone, it still struggles to bite.
Standing, the boy, hides inside.
Believe In The Magic Dust, Close Your Eyes and Fly.
Rumbling, grumbling, mumbling.
Coiled once more around His Waist,
Tiny yellow flames look at the boy, waiting.
I Can Fly, I Can Fly, Look At Me I Can Fly.
No longer standing, the boy lost to lost boys,
Is slammed into His wall, He waits.
A slumped figure rises, stands and waits.
Another Day, Another Dollar, Don’t Break or He Will Holler.
Could Never Put Humpty Dumpty Together Again.
My room, my room, mine
I am not waiting, I am not, I am, I.
And Aladdin Spoke The Words, Abracadabra.
Soft sobbing and the mirror meditation ends.
He lays still, wishing, begging, praying
To a god, any god, all gods,
Let this nightmare end,
Plague me with poisoned past no more.
Help me find lover, friend or fellow
That will fill reflecting glass with goodness,
Give balm to bruise,
And peace to this lost boy.
Outcast, I seek some haven,
A nesting place, where, loving arms,
Wrap warmly ‘round me and sing,
No fairy tales, or rhythmic rhyme,
Nor promises of Janus,
But sings to me a song unheard by one like me.
A song filled with present passions
Words that flow freely and without shame,
A carillon, based on shared secrets, good and bad,
Yet with complete unjudged acceptance
A simple invocation I make this dark night.
A melody for me.
Give to me this singer and this song.
I can wait. I can stand.
I wait, I stand.
Kent Speer
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