From a letter:

Well, it’s been ages and I haven’t written. I can’t remember when I last wrote, so forgive me if I repeat stuff you’ve already heard. I have no real excuse except to say I’m having the best time of my life. I’m so happy I could burst sometimes. We still don’t have a camera, but I’ll see if we can get some photos for the next letter.

Ok… News. I managed to get a job. It was very, very hard. I made 221 job applications in three months alone. In March 1998 I had been "fulltime" for six months and had reached the end of the line. I had no money, my credit cards had been frozen because I couldn’t pay them, my car without license and very little petrol and with my sister having to move out, having no roof over my head I had reached rock bottom. No-one wanted to even interview me. This was one hell of a shock. I had a resume that required an index and was independently considered to be one of the best Systems Administrators in Australia, and I couldn’t even get to the interview because of the stigma with being "TS." I had to make some serious choices. I needed money and the dole down here is pitiful. On the Monday before the weekend when I would have to move out and live in my car as I had nowhere to stay I called an "agency" in Sydney and they agreed to meet me. I went to the house and met the madam. She welcomed me in and I sat and talked with her about my predicament and the choice I would have to make – "If I don’t get a job by the end of the week, I’ll be homeless and on the street." She listened and took me on a tour of the establishment. The girls where obviously happy and well cared for (They had a doctor visit each day) and made lots of money. There where two others like me, both of whom had university degrees and also couldn’t make a living in the "real" world. I told her that I would make a decision before Friday and left. As I drove back home I hated a world which left me no option but to sell my body to simply eat and have a roof over my head.

Luck smiled on me on Wednesday. I got an interview. It was with the XXXXX. As I went to their offices I was scared out of my wits. I went in and sat down. We talked for about an hour and as I left, I got a call from the head hunter. She said that they had interviewed dozens of people for the position and had not found anyone even remotely as well qualified as I. She said that they wanted me to start immediately and that the starting salary was to be A$220,000. I sat stunned in my car. Then I got another call. A company called ninemsn wanted to interview me. Two! In one day! I drove over to ninemsn and met their HR and Technical Manager. I took one look at the place and just knew I wanted to work there. They gave me a tour and told me I had a huge learning curve, but they felt I would fit in just fine. I left that evening amazed.

On Thursday morning, I got called by the first head hunter. She said that the Tax Department would wave all red-tape, that I would be given complete control of the system NSW-wide, could do anything I wanted and they were so desperate to get me they upped the salary to A$250,000. I said I would call back in half an hour while I steadied myself. Then ninemsn called. They wanted me as well. They could only afford to pay A$40,000 though. I looked at my options:

• Work for an "agency". This would net me at least A$300,000-500,000 a year. I would have all the clothes and possessions I could possibly desire. I would go to parties continually. Two years and I could run the place and make much, much more. I would be able to afford the best surgeons in the world. The downside is that for the first two years I would have to sleep with two, three or four men a day. I would have to lie and hold back my distaste and act a part. Something I’d done for years.
• Work for a government department. Government. Yuck. Staid. Conservative. Suits and what not. Protocol. Committees. But lots of money. And “same old-same old” stuff I’d been doing for years.
• Work for ninemsn. A young company. Jeans and T-Shirts. Systems I’d never worked with before. Strange mix of gay, straight, male and female. Low pay.

I chose ninemsn. I think the "air" of the place appealed to me more than anything. I felt that here was a place where being TS would not matter a jot. A place where I could learn new systems in an atmosphere of complete acceptance.

I started at ninemsn on Friday. My sister got a reprieve about having to move so I had a month to sort myself out. Now that’s luck! By mid-April I had enough in the bank to make token payments on my cards to un-freeze them and could look for an apartment. I found one. Overlooking some water. Expensive, but very nice. It had two bedrooms and I felt that would allow me to get a lodger if money got tight. I moved in. The place looked very, very empty. I only had a blow-up mattress, a couple of blankets and a smattering of pots and pans. Sis' gave me an old fridge to use as well so at least I could keep milk.

At work I was amazed at how the initial excitement at having a "TS" work in the technical section wore off so quickly one they realised I was absolutely normal. I made friends. Particularly one. He sat in the cubicle next to me and we decided to present one of my ideas for a project I’d been obsessed with for years to the company. We worked for the next week or so and mocked up a system for evaluation.

I found myself drawn to this man in a way I had never felt before. He was kind, respectful and had a great sense of humour. He was much younger than I was, but had maturity far beyond his age. I caught myself "feeling" him look at me and that felt very, very good. Then I started to panic. What if he liked me in more than a professional way? I ran from friend to friend trying to find a solution. Their unanimous answer: "You and Ben! Wow! Cool. You’re made for each other." Then he asked me out for coffee.

We talked for ages. He told me of how much he cared about me and the trauma that that had put him through. He had asked himself if his feelings made him gay. He told me how he had eventually reached the conclusion that to love someone you don’t choose which "bits" you love, but that you love the whole person irrespective of the "bits." And that he felt that little issue of me still having "bits" could be worked out.

I knew at that point that I had fallen in love. Me. Finally and really. I told him how I felt. I told him that in every situation in the past I had always had a parachute ready so that I could bail out at any moment. I told him that at that precise point I was standing at the doorway to the aeroplane, taking the parachute off and jumping. I was experiencing deep emotional feelings I had never before in my life felt. I knew that taking hormones had released the real me, but I could never had imagined that they could have released such complete and unconditional love as I felt at that moment.

We walked back to the office holding hands. I felt light as a feather. He moved in a week later. A month later he asked me to marry him. I nearly fainted. Ecstatic I think sums it up. Of course I said "yes." Only a few people know as yet. We haven’t even announced it to his parents or even at work.

We’ve been together now for nearly 18 months. It still feels like the first day. We still haven’t had so much as a tiff. We’ve confounded the critics. We work together, live, laugh, eat and love together and have not lost the love and respect we had when we first met.

The first meeting with his parents was interesting. I think they were quite worried that Ben would be bringing home some old drag queen. After twenty minutes we were chatting merrily and I think they found out that I am not some crazy seducer of their son, but an ordinary woman who loves their son very deeply.

Oh, I forgot. Bens full name is: William Benjamin Stockman Evans. Very Welsh. He hasn’t got even a tinge of an accent, but his parents are from the valleys and moved over here just a few years before I did so it was interesting talking about the places they lived in Wales and that I’d visited.

Ben and I are still working our butts off though. Work has been hectic to say the least for the last few months. We’ve both received hefty pay rises and now have purchased stock in one of our parent companies. This means that we should have around A$250,000 in assets in around two-three years. We purchased shares at $1.20 and they’ve risen to $1.98 in the last few days. There’s been a lot of changes within the company and what with me having to go to Microsoft in the U.S. for a conference and us being knocked out by a rather nasty bug for nearly two weeks didn’t help. Going to the U.S. was an interesting experience. I guess I expected all sorts of issues with customs and the conservative establishment, but it was a breeze. Most people didn’t even blink. I was just "Kim.. You know. The Australian chick with the deep voice." Cute.

But we’re both tired. We’re usually so tired when we get home that we can barely watch our new 80cm TV. Yup! We finally bought a TV that works! We need a holiday badly and it’s unlikely before September or so. I really, really need time off to just Veg out in front of the TV and shop. And Ben is getting stressed out as well. We are going to try to wangle some time off before September though.

And we have bought two new computers. This makes TEN. So we have one room set aside for all our hardware. We’ve also bought a CD Burner, so we can make copies of stuff such as music and what not. We’ve deliberately not spending heaps as we are both saving for the ‘op. We went and spoke to the surgeon "Dr Peter Haertsch." He’s very professional and has done 250 such ops before and has studied under the world expert Dr Shrang so we are pleased and ready. He needed my shrinks (Dr Parkinson) report, so I went and spoke to him for the first time in months and he said that it was perfectly ok and he’d send it on to Dr Haertsch. He’d promised me one on October last year as he felt that I was completely normal and capable of handling everything that came up. The ‘op is going to cost around A$22,000 or so, but we’ll get some back from the health fund. Work have told me that there should be no problems with the whole thing or me taking the week or two off. I can basically ring and organise it anytime as Dr Haertsch was clear we understood the issues and potential dangers.

Heather rang me a month ago. So I got to speak to her for the first time in two years. She’s very happy with her beau Scott and Hannah (her new daughter from early this year) is doing well. I’ve seen a photo and she’s a real cutie. Then to top it off, Christine was in Sydney last weekend and called us! So we went and had a coffee with her before she flew back to Perth. She’s over her major issues and is now remarried. I’m actually very happy for her. She really deserved it after so many frustrating and traumatic years with me. When we walked up to meet her, she looked like she’d been floored. Looked me up and down with her mouth open! Of course I wasn’t being outrageous or anything. That whole thing dropped away quite quickly early last year when I started work at ninemsn. I suppose wearing jeans and T-Shirts all the time helps as well.

I guess I need to say that after my disastrous first year I’ve physically changed even more now and have calmed down significantly. Being back in the work force and having money has helped, but Ben has been my lifesaver. He’s the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. He’s helped me regain all the confidence I lost and has shown me more love and caring than I can describe. I’d lost my way so badly when my parents came over Christmas ‘97 and it took a lot for me to find my way back to day to day reality.

His family has been marvelous as well. Ben's parents and their sons and daughters had more than a few problems when they where first told about us, but I’ve been drawn in and have well and truly become part of their family. The only black spot is Ben’s ex-girlfriend. I have to say this. I really don’t like her. She’s far too calculating and has got emotional blackmail and sneakiness down to an art form. Anyway, I shouldn’t bitch. She’s lonely and feels I stole Ben from her. That’s her prerogative, wrong though it is.

My parents have finally sold the house and are making their way around ‘Oz. Personally I can’t quite imagine being locked in a jeep 24 hours a day with my father, but she seems ok. They’re pretty hard to contact, but I guess you’ve heard from them so there’s no point in giving you gossip you already know.